Anger & Hurt: a Lonely Place to Be!

Being human can really be challenging, to say the least. We feel emotions with every breath we take, every move we make. Some emotions are so sweet that we never want to lose that feeling. Other emotions cause us so much anger and hurt that we are paralyzed with pain.

Our minds use anger as a memory of a hurt that we have experienced. The memory is usually due to the fact that we neglected to express our hurt at the time for one reason or another. We tend to not show our anger or hurt because we do not want to cause a conflict or hurt another's feelings or ever admit those feelings.

We also hang onto it because once we actually show we are angered, we are showing we are not perfect and that in fact we are human and can feel pain. But if we continue to push away our feelings to protect our perfect selves, we become less real and less connected to people in our lives, without even realizing how far we are pushing them away.

Protecting another person from our hurts or anger is only imprisoning ourselves, so that they will never be able to reach us. If we do this long enough we cannot find happiness anywhere. When we are questioned why we are upset, we can not even find the beginning to the hurt we have hidden. The longer we hide our hurts and anger the more confusing they become. Things get all tangled up and if we dare try to explain, we are totally speaking another language.

Have you ever been hurt by someone and then they make it impossible for you to explain why you are angered? Those people can do a lot of damage, they are controllers. When you can identify that type of person, only then can you fight back and tell them, "please just shut up and listen". If you want to be unhappy then keep hanging onto that hurt. It will definitely drag your self-esteem down to the bottom.

Hurt is a pain of the moment and it is happening right now. Its reason is right there in front of you. You must deal with it or you will only hide it and end up alone in your prison of loneliness. The longer you hold back, the more angry you become with you, for not acting out. That's when guilt moves right on in and takes over, making you want to get even with that person. Your negative thoughts are seeded now and nothing feels good. Is this a good thing? NOT!!!

It is definitely not easy to risk being called oversensitive, told that you are just causing a fight, or they just laugh you off like you are a child. You may even find that this person does not really care about you. Better to find that out asap, don`t you think?

These FEELINGS of hurt and anger have a way of taking over our lives. Is it not better to let it out now rather than to live in an unhappy life of silence? Tell someone how you feel, when you feel it, or you will only lock those FEELINGS up inside you and trust me, you will lose yourself.

You may even hurt the one you love, but honesty is the best way. I believe that with a true love you should be able to tell that person anything and yes even if you feel hurt or angered by them. Love conquers anger and hurt. It battles jealousy and helps lift you to a higher self-esteem!

To be truly happy and not endure the prisons of negative emotions, we need to be heard. We need to be understood. We need to be forgiven. We also need to be loved and cared for. We need to set our selves free!

And my sweet readers, on that note, I will leave you with another tip to strengthen your courage which will help you to keep climbing that mountain to a better you!

Take responsibility for your life. You have the power to make things better.

And most importantly, you have a choice!

DorothyL
www.womensselfesteem.com

TRUST....why is it so damn hard?

Trusting issues and jealousy basically go hand in hand.
When you do not trust in your own self as to how unique and important you are....you immediately feel less than and with that, insecurities rise up and jealousy is born. A true symptom of a lack of trust in yourself!
The only way to trust easily is to let yourself do so. It is easy once you understand why you are finding it so damn hard.

We are creatures of habit....habits are repetitive thoughts or actions that we fall into immediately because they are the last stored file in our thought patterns which that end up being in the forefront of our brain. What this means is that the last thought or reaction stored will be the first one used when your emotions begin to rise in either a negative or positive response.

Habits are something that I talk about all of the time.
'Habit' is a very small word which carries so much reality and control over our positive and negative reactions and thoughts. The word 'habit' is also difficult to accept as what causes people to stay stuck in jealousy or insecure emotional traps.
It takes at least 14 days to break a habit, according to the latest researchers. Now when I say that, I mean 14 days of consistent behavior, repeated over and over on the same subject matter.
That is why breaking an emotional habit is difficult. We do not run into fears and threats in a consistent manner.
We basically have to discipline ourselves into a self-talk therapy every day whether we are actually challenged with one of our fears or not. In doing this we must be prepared for 14 days of feeling very much on an emotional roller-coaster. This is exactly why so many people go to therapists for support in breaking negative emotional habits. It is not a simple task.
Silly analogy here but it seems to fit...think of a habit as pulling an end of a plastic electrical tie through its lock and then trying to pull it back. A very tough thing to accomplish, unless you work at it and stay committed to see it through to the end. It is not impossible but it is very challenging for most people.

We are still searching for the answers to questions such as....
Why is it so damn hard to trust?
Why is it so hard to feel good about yourself and your relationship any time and anywhere?

It is more so that, somewhere along the line you have fallen into a belief that you are not worthy of that relationship and you are in fear that at any second someone else will take over and replace you. Hence a low self-esteem or self-worth!

Trust is not about what another person may or may not do to you or that they observe another.

It is about:
- how safe you feel, being who you are.
- why you put yourself down.
- why you instantly compare yourself to another.
- why you feel the need immediately find a flaw in another that you feel threatened by.
- why your insides tighten and twist so that you find it hard to breathe at times.
- why you cannot accept a compliment at face value.
-why you look in the mirror and hate who you see.

Trust is all about YOU!

In order to battle and overcome one's insecurities in life,:
-you must feel secure in who they are and accept who you are.
-you must stop wanting to change what you cannot.
-you must learn to appreciate every little thing about who you are.
-you must focus on loving who you are.
-you must want to be happy about who you are.
-you must realize that every second that you dwell on unhappy thoughts...is life being wasted.
-you must learn that trust inside of you>

To be able to trust another and feel secure in a relationship...you must accept you, right now, this second.
Accepting who you are and allowing that thought to determine your life will in turn give you peace of mind.
You cannot control what another person is going to do, so why waste another second trying to through your own thoughts.
Accept that you are you and your partner is your partner.

Here are two very good thoughts to keep as your daily inspirations..

"To be Wronged is Nothing unless You continue to Remember It!"
"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are!"

Remember...trust comes from within your own thoughts and self-acceptance.
Strengthen those and your life will be what it is meant to be and that is free of chaos and doubt!!

DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com

Trapped in a thought ?

Do you know what it is like being Trapped in a thought ?
Escape is not an option.
What was a simple drip in your pool of thoughts, quickly turned into an ocean of tidal waves rolling into each other, over and over again. This is what it feels like to not have positive control over your mind.
Our minds often repeat hurtful thoughts or scenarios over and over, even when we'd much rather let them go. If you start really listening to your inner voice, you are probably dwelling on the past, remembering how someone may have let you down or how much anger you still hold back from being hurt. If you fear the challenges that are waiting for you or you are ashamed at where you are now in your life as compared to where you had planned on being, these fears will definitely be in line to play the mind game on you. All of these insecure or hurtful emotions that you once tucked away will come back to play when the game begins. The problem is, when they come back, you will not recognize them and this will be your first bad move. Now the mind game begins.

The game is of the mind, to confuse you in your thought process. When your mind is triggered even slightly by a word, a picture, or even a look what we want to do is to think positive, nice, sweet and safe thoughts. If you have the slightest opening in your mind the game will begin. It will take a thought and wait for your first emotional weakness. Then it will twist that thought and magnify it so that it feeds on that weakness and sends you into that ugly world of negative thinking.

You would give anything to shake off these negative thoughts, but we all know so well that it's easier said than done. Instead you struggle through your day feeling like you are a freak and that if you do not get a grip on this mind game and soon you will explode. All that you want is to be free of negative thoughts and be happy all the time.

You spend a lot of time thinking over negative feelings and sulking over regrets and misfortunes. The worst part is that the more you try to end this horrible game that twists your brain so tight, the worse it gets. You will try to avoid your hidden shames and worries or drown them with alcohol or drugs. All that happens when that little fix-it ends is that the mind game becomes stronger.
New thoughts continue, the game attacks again only to turn those thoughts against you. You can feel them escalate into negative scenarios in your mind, but at this point powerless. The power of the game is winning and you are now in the believing stage of the game. Your mind now believes your negative thoughts. You are forced to react and through this reaction the mind game soars and takes over even further. Now it not only controls you but it has also taken control of your entire world and whoever is in it at the time. You collapse from the draining feeling of failure once again. You feel that you will never be able to win this mind game. You feel that you will be a pawn for the rest of your days on earth. A doormat and a bug to stepped on over and over again because of your inability to gain strength and take control of your positive mind. So why not just give in? Why not just bow down whenever you fail to think positive thoughts? Well, I will tell you why you do not want to do that!

You are a human being with a heart and a brain. You were given the ability to feel emotions. Emotions such as: self-respect, self-esteem, humor, love, laughter, sexuality, self-confidence but most of all you were given intelligence and the will to survive. You were given the gift of life. Those are the reasons to fight. How to fight is also right there in front of you.

You are already aware of the mind game. Most of you have played it so long that you should be the champions by now. I have talked about habits many times and I will keep talking about them. Through habits you can defeat many of those mind games. Try to simplify your thoughts. The stronger the game tries to twist them the harder you work to shrink them.

I read about an interesting way to look at this. Think of your thoughts as a pop-up ad on your computer. You see it and then you don`t. Or it pops up and you simply delete it without giving it a second thought. Even if it was a negative pop-up you spend no time at all analyzing where it came from, you simply carry on with what you were doing. This is a good way to play, and win the game. Also another way to play and win is when your thought begins to twist through the negative game, start to vocalize it. Sing it quietly to yourself or hum outloud. This will confuse the game, and throw it off track. Immediately when you get a thought that seems to be fair game think of something very funny or a very sad movie that made you cry. A very good habit is to change your thought track. The game cannot keep up when the track is jumped. Be aware that your mind is a game field but you have to play it in order to win. If you do not play you will lose by defeat. SAD!!!

So my words to you is this : KICK IT`S BUTT!!!!!!!

~D~

DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com