~~~~~Happy Independance Day~~~~

Norwegian Angel

Sparkles_by_MattTheSamurai

( photo by u m a m i )

( photo by wmliu )

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Oh... to be in Love!

It is mysterious.. it is persuasive.. it is unseen.. but it is felt as if its weight is almost unbearable at times.
It is a feeling like no other.
It has an urgency & a direction that nothing or no one can derail.
It has an innate need and desire all at the same time that wraps your mind up so tight that you are left feeling like a spinning top once it begins to unravel.

Oh... to be in Love!
Its sensual feelings go so deep that you wonder if they will ever find bottom.
Your physical body works overtime trying to figure out what all of these chemicals are... that are racing around endlessly.
Your appetite changes from food to an insatiable hunger for Love.
Your entire world as you knew it gets put on hold.
You know no other language but the one written by this stranger growing inside of you... called 'Love'.

Oh... to be in Love!
It is a yearning and a burning that pulls you faster and faster towards something so very unknown, yet so very much desired.
It has evoked inside of you a sublime anticipation that would shake up the most docile creature.
It has become unshakable...you shiver as your body heats up and cools down at the slightest scent of this Love.
It's touch...so soft...so sweet...so gentle and yet at the same time so wild...so hot...so desirable and so passionate...again you shiver.

Oh... to be in Love!
Its sound, as it whispers to you.... draws you in deeper and deeper with its hypnotic persistence and beguiling voice.
It is relentless...it is chivalrous... it is deviously subtle... it leaves you feeling captivated in heavenly ecstasy.
Its unabated pleasure traps you...holds you and has you begging for more.
Your mind pleads for control...it reaches for air...yet continues to concede to its undeniable charm and its emotional warmth.

Love is most definitely unrequited & yet...
most definitely worth it!

~D~

Happy Fathers Day

A bit of an ode to my Dad!

This is my second Fathers Day that has gone by since my fathers passing.
My father was my rock...
My life with my father was non regrettable.
He had a quiet cool that demanded respect.
He was the balance in all of my life's unsteady tightropes.
I use to grimace every time I looked in the mirror because I inherited my fathers forehead when I was around 18 years of age, which I then named.. 'My dads John Wayne wrinkles'. Now when I look in the mirror...I smile and say...
'hi dad..I see you and I miss you everyday'

He truly was my John Wayne!

Dad..I love you!

Love..Lust..Sex!

I received an interesting comment from one of my loyal readers...ShantanuDas and as I was formulating an answer to his questions...I decided to share my thoughts with my other very intelligent readers and also allow you to share your thoughts in turn!

*Is Love nothing more than Lust to men?
*Is it true that marriage needs sex like a food?
*Can love not be devoid of sex?
*Is loving ones partner the same as wanting to have sex with them?

People all think differently and they all value people differently especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
When we are talking about how men think and feel about Love, Sex & Lust....these are my thoughts.

First and foremost....love, lust and sex are completely different in descriptive terms.

Sex is a physical act. It is an urge or instinct to manifest itself in a certain behavior between two people or for some much more philandering types many people.
Lust can be an overwhelming passionate desire, a wish, even an uncontrollable craving for sex or power.
Love is unconditional devotion, tenderness, fondness, predilection(weakness), warmth, passion, adoration, and even can be known as a personification of a sexual attraction. I use this analogy many times in describing what love is...love is like the wind...you feel it but you cannot see it...it just is !

There are many types of men and many ages...each reason or need will vary for each stage of life.

The very young men...consciously or subconsciously.. will be attracted to the female through his natural chemical instinct well know as his 'pubescent' sex drive...at this early age it is all about lust, sex and the intrigue of becoming a man. He is not yet at a maturity level of understanding the true meaning of commitment known as love.

Some men never grow past this pubescent way of thinking. The idea of what a relationship is to them remains only to see women as a sexual body and will choose her to be his wife accordingly. This again is a relationship of lust and or sex.

Some men see women as an equal and a person that they are compatible with and will choose his wife accordingly. In this situation Love is the reason behind their unity. Sex is not a necessity, it is fun and a way to enjoy their love for each other but again it is not the glue that binds them.

Some men will choose to have a woman of a substantially lesser age than himself to feed his ego, his deviant sexual desires or boost his own self-esteem. Thus being considered the 'arm-candy' relationship. The man has his model prize to sport at his social events and the women in many cases has her $$$$.

It could also be said that the older man is subconsciously filling a void of losing a daughter or never having one as in the younger woman that will choose an older man as her partner to fill a void the father image. In either of theses scenarios...sex or lust is rarely part of the relationship.
This is considered a parental type of love.

In my thoughts...I believe that a relationship has many levels as does any emotional side of the human brain.

Two people meet...there is usually a definite instant attraction...it could be a physical appearance....a chemical reaction...the way they smile or even how they respond to something. There is always something that flips that switch that sets this person aside from the crowd.
Once that is established they begin to court or date that person of interest. The relationship moves forward ...they have sexual relations which are the next stage...it is a joining of two human beings through physical sharing and pleasure.
Eventually they feel secure with each others sexuality and the relationship moves on
toward compatibility, sharing day to day life such as children, friends, and all of the ups and downs that life offers. They do not choose separate roads..they remain on the same road although continuing to grow as individuals while growing together.

There are also the relationships that choose to value the companionship more so than the sexual side..in this situation both partners mutually agree to have sexual partners outside of the marriage. In this situation love is what is important and it is enjoyed without sex.

For a man to love through lust or sex...it is a destruction waiting to happen. Neither sex nor lust has any real substance to overpower realities challenges. Nor can they outlast the human mind and body. I doubt very much that at 80 or 90 I will be chasing down the opposite sex any more than my male counterpart. I seriously think I will be passed that part of the relationship :)

I can go on dissecting different types and varieties of relationships but that would involve writing a book!

In a word...Love cannot be found nor can it survive through only sex or lust!

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“True love never dies for it is lust that fades away.
Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away.”

~D~

The risk of falling in Love!

I love you like a kid loves chocolate cake:)

To be in LOVE like that or to be loved like that would just rule forever.
Is that not what we are all yearning for?
Do we not seek out that true feeling of LOVE from the second we breathe as an infant?
We search our parents eyes for that look of LOVE. We smile because we know it makes them smile with the LOVE that they feel for us.

To LOVE or not to LOVE?
This is the question we all ponder through out life. We take huge risks every time we take that initial step towards that oh so special feeling.

Why do we innately yearn to be someones everything?
Why is it that we want nothing more than to feel like the LOVE of that special someones life?
Why do we spend our lives looking for that special person that will make our world seem like a dream?
We want nothing more than to feel safe and secure in our choice of partners. But how do we really know that this one is 'the one' we will LOVE unconditionally forever?
How do we know that this choice of LOVE will not leave us and break our heart?
How do we know that this LOVE will LOVE us when the chips are down and we are not that perfect person that they fell in LOVE with or that we once were?

Well I hate to sound like a wet blanket here on a cold night, but nothing is guaranteed.
Life comes with no promises. We make our lives what they are, right at this moment. In all matters of the heart we take great risks, and as I have said before, to give LOVE is to risk losing LOVE.
That is just another one of those dreary reality checks.

Like Hurricanes and Tornado's, we have no control over anything that nature has given to us. We can only do our best with what we have in our control. I write a lot about our life being a special gift. LOVE in turn is a gift when it is given and when it is received. It does not happen because we say we want it to, or expect another to return our wants. I am sure that almost everyone out there will agree to that. I am also certain that the 'Stalker' mentality is derived from that notion.

LOVE can be a very scary challenge. "Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it! It makes you so vulnerable. It opens you up, totally exposing your heart only to let someone get inside you and twist things up so tight, you can barely breathe. You build up defenses, you build an entire suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then that person, not seeming any different from any other person, wanders into your life. You give them your heart. They didn't ask for it. They did something one day, like kiss you or smile your way, and then your life isn't your own any more.
LOVE takes your heart hostage.
LOVE swarms inside you.
LOVE devours your entire being and leaves you crying in the darkness. With the simple phrase, "lets just be friends".
Love turns into a knife, cutting its way into your heart.

The pain is like no other you have ever felt nor ever want to feel again. Not just in your imagination, not just in the mind. It's like losing a part of who you are, or rather who you were. That my friends is one reason we should be so careful to not make the wrong LOVE choice. I know reading this totally makes you wonder why we ever even think about falling in love.. But we do, over and over again. Why?

Is it such a innate overpowering desire that we really have no control?
Is cupids arrow that strong? YES on both counts.

LOVE is one of the most powerful sensations we will ever endure in our lives.
LOVE knows no limit to its power, no end to its trust, no loss of its hope.
LOVE can overpower anything.
LOVE needs trust to grow in the right direction.
LOVE stays up, when all else has falls down.
LOVE is felt when one grasps another's hand.
LOVE is as much of an object as an obsession. Everybody wants it and everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it. Those who do, will cherish it, get lost in it, and among all, will never, ever forget it.
LOVE does not waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead it creates a perfect love.
LOVE is somewhat like an hourglass, the heart fills up on one side as the brain empties the other.
LOVE is admiring ones heart: as admiration is the love of ones mind.
LOVE is with you when you least deserve it, because that's when you really need it.

These are a few thoughts that I have that tell me what LOVE is and why LOVE is.

Humans tend to feel incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to 'complete' us. We must understand that until we admit that while our partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we alone are the only ones that can bring that same fulfillment to ourselves. No one is responsible for our happiness.

Some people fall into a pattern of needing that feeling of 'NEWNESS' in their relationships. These people will go from one relationship to another forever, never getting off that roller coaster of failure. They never understand that LOVE has stages.
LOVE at first is so full of mystery and excitement.
Then we move into becoming comfortable with one another and blending our ways to continue to strengthen our LOVE for one another.
We continue to grow with each other, adding newness to each other by growing in one world, but as two people.
Our years together build our road to our destiny of spending our lives and enduring tribulations as one.
If you want life to always be a bed of roses, then you best grow a few gardens, because the roses will only get there if you grow them or bring them to your life.
In other words sweet people of LOVE, your LOVE and passion is only what you make it. If you ignore it or get too busy to feed it, it will die or fade away. It's like any other living breathing thing. LOVE needs to be treated with respect and treated like the special gift that it is.

Another thing we must be very aware of, is the importance of accepting each other for who we are, and to not twist each other to fit our own image, otherwise LOVE is only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

LOVE like you mean it, it is the only true way to let your LOVE for one another grow stronger and continue to be all powerful and wonderful.

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Relationships ask us to contemplate "forever" as a way of life.

It is a world without end of our own creation.

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The purpose of life is to discover your gift.

The work of life is to develop it.

The meaning of life is to give your gift away.

The gift, is LOVE!

~D~

Control...exactly who is controlling who?

I have a few questions that will most definitely stir up some deep inner thoughts! They will also give you an idea of just how controlling your relationship is or could be. No one likes to be in a relationship where they feel controlled by their partner, it is very unhealthy and usually ends up being very unhappy. There truly is a fine line between love and hate when there is a controlling partner in the relationship. The only person that we have any right to control is ourselves!

Life is too short to settle for anything especially when it comes to relationships. There is way to much to risk when it comes to matters of the heart. For warned is for armed...I have always believed that fact to be very true. Relationships are one of the most valued parts of our lives and we invest a lot of our minds and souls into them. So why would you not want to be 100% prepared before you take that initial step into waters that could be so treacherous and overwhelming?

How many people fall for another instantly because of looks or a social atmosphere at the time? Too many.

So to have a list of questions to ponder will not only awaken what is going on in your relationship right now, but they will also be very effective in preparing you for what you should not ignore or settle with in your future relationships.

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These questions are designed to challenge your awareness outside of that emotional box. They are also written form one side of the partnership..so you will have to play both sides when you answer these questions for them to be accurate for you.

**Have you ever doubted your spouses sexual loyalties to your relationship?

**Do you feel that there is a controlling partner in your relationship?

**Have you ever wanted them to just be with you ?

**Do you want them to only have eyes for you?

**Do you dislike when they look at another?

**Do you fear losing your partner?

**Does it bother you when they spend time talking to another?

**Do you feel left out when your partner goes out and enjoys time with others?

**Have you ever checked your partners phone, e-mails or pockets?

**Have you ever deleted messages from their computer before they have seen them?

**Do you find that you spend more time wondering what they are doing, than what you are doing?

**Do you question them on every move they make?

**Do you go through their pockets, looking for anything that might lead you to believe they are breaching their commitment to you,

**Have you ever questioned their friends about a certain night that they were out together without you?

**Have you ever tasted them with a kiss or smelled their clothes when they come home after they have been out ?

**Do you control your partners friendships just in case there may be room for some type of sexual attraction?

**Do you feel that your insecure emotions are controlling you?

**Do you ever wonder how your controlling need is affecting your partners happiness which in turn affects yours?

Hmmmm, how many of these questions, or thoughts have you been guilty of?

If you can say yes to half of these questions, you are definitely in/on a very controlling rollercoaster ride which will become very destructive if you do not identify with whats going on with you or your partner & quickly change its course. You uncontrollably search for something, anything, and through that search you will allow yourself to be controlled each time you apply any of the above thoughts or actions.

It's one of those 'you are damned if you do, and you are damned if you don`t' situations. To not question and search, you are left to trust and have faith and believe in your relationship. Trust is a hard thing to do when you allow weakness to control your thoughts. To become skeptical with your heart is a very long, lonely journey to nowhere. You have to allow your mind to rest and trust the one you have chosen to give your heart to. Yes it is risky, but that's what love is.You must learn to trust, believe, disallow control, love unconditionaly and most of all feel like you are that special person they chose as a life partner.

There are going to be times when your partner will be involved with someone that may feel threatening to you. This is when your partner will know the line. They will know to keep their personals in tact. They will know that to cross that line will only set your relationship up for complication.

Fact...
Most of us at some point are sexually attracted to someone other than our spouse but, it's whether or not we act on that attraction that defines loyalty to our relationship. This is where the word intent comes into play.

This is also when the line has to be drawn by both parties. "To be human is to error". I know that sounds like an excuse to fail another. It may be in some instances and it may not be in others. There are so many situations in life, that I can only generalize.

SELF-CONTROL is the word that comes to mind here. The possible situation mentioned above, is where we all must know how to control our thoughts so they do not become actions. We must choose to control that moment of lust or interest. The choice of self-control is really what matters in a relationship.

Stop allowing the worry of 'What if' control your thoughts. This is where your true commitment lies. It is through belief and trust. Is it not sweeter to feel good about the, US in our lives? Is it not finer to feel that we can control the negative thoughts and only allow positive thoughts rule our actions? Well then take a positive CONTROL on your thoughts.

There are many forms of control between couples...make sure that the control in your relationship is your own self-control! No one wants to be the controller nor be controlled in a relationship...as I mentioned earlier..it is unhealthy and very unhappy! It is also the fine line between love & hate!

Let your love guide you. Let your love show you the way to a life of smiles and happiness. Oh and HUGGZ. You all know I am big on those. Huggz are a very positive way to communicate. It can send messages from one to another in the most pleasant way.

When you CONTROL your thoughts, then you control your feelings!


You can`t control what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside!

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Drowning in a Pool of thoughts!

If your thoughts are constantly focused on the word, 'ME', then you are already on a downward spiral to a very lonely, depressed cycle of thinking, which I call... 'the drowning-pool of thoughts'.

Whether you are aware of it or not yet, you will wake up one day and spend every waking hour searching for answers to why you feel so depressed, lonely, rejected and full of negative feelings.

Who knows why some of us feel that the world should revolve around us. I have met many, many people that truly, and sincerely believe that they are the center of everyone's day.
I myself also can take claim to that feeling of importance. It may be because our parents have raised us to believe that or we may have interpreted it through experiences throughout our lives. Somewhere we were made to believe that it is all about, 'ME'.

Being faced with the harsh fact that our happiness not in any way shape or form anyone else's responsibility is one of the most crushing realities to understand and accept. It is up to us to make ourselves feel important to us.
We are solely in control over how we feel every second and it is amazing how many people continue to struggle and cannot understand that what they are searching for, is right in their own reflection and in their own mind of thought.
But if you are caught up in the drowning-pool of thoughts..you will be spending all of your energy just trying to stay above water. You cannot even see one foot in front of you to think clearly. It is a very lonely place to be.

Have you ever heard the song, "One is a lonely number"? Well it is a very lonely number.
When you feel like you are suppose to be the number one focus on everyone's thoughts or actions, and you find that you are not, it is a very lonely feeling. You are in fact the only one that is standing there feeling rejected and hurt when the other people have no idea whats going on inside of you.
They are merrily going through their rhythm of life without any idea that you are expecting to be their center of attention.

When you spend time dressing sexy for your partner and greet them at the door and they do not acknowledge you, your first thought is ...ME!!! You instantly feel that you have been rejected and ignored, that you went out of your way to please this person and it was totally unseen and unappreciated.
Careful of those self-indulged expectations ...they can turn on you in a heart beat!

Sorry...it is not always about you!.

Just maybe that person had a very bad day and was looking forward to a few minutes of space to collect their thoughts. Or maybe that other person seriously was thrown off guard and did not know what to say or do which embarrassed them.
Also that person could have been expecting you to see them as your center point and read their mind. You are not the only person that has fallen into the 'ME' habit!

Another good example is when someone doesn't answer you in the way that you expect, you feel totally emotionally discombobulated and your first defense is to wonder if that person is mad at you or if you said the wrong thing ect.
Better yet, you take what was said and you allow it to control your entire world because it was not what you wanted to hear.

It is not always about you!

It may just be that they had a bad day once again or that their preoccupied with something else at that very minute.
There really was no negative intention there at all.

If we are not thinking ..ME.. all of the time, then we would not get caught in that trap of confusion and feelings of rejection.

Learning to think away from the, 'ME' habit is not hard. It is yet another bad habit that controls our thoughts and only allows negative ones in. It does however take realization and a desire to really find a happier you!

You are probably thinking....Ok...so how exactly does one get to this point in their thinking where they do not immediately feel that they were a target of a personal
attack?"

What I am going to tell you is basically obvious and has been said many times. I can only hope that through my words and thoughts you will actually absorb it and apply it to YOUR LIFE!

**Stop thinking about how you are feeling right now and get into the habit of asking that other person how they feel or if they are comfortable with certain surroundings!

**Listen first, think second, replay what you just heard third and then respond through a positive filter!
Nothing is ever gained by responding negatively or selfishly to others.

**Do NOT play the blame game. Again it serves no good purpose to look for blame in how others think!

**Stop taking everything personally...remember that there are two or more people in this world and it may not be all about YOU!

**Accept that there are going to be those days when you are actually a target of someones bad day. Accepting that before hand will allow you to be prepared to get up and keep moving forward. Remember...dry dirt always falls off!

**Understand rejection...do not take it as a personal attack...everyone has a choice in life...you may just not be their choice! It is a matter of what each person feels is best for them...it is not just about YOU!

**If you feel that a certain conversation is going bad....instead of following it towards that direction, take control and steer it towards a more positive point of conversation!

** Learn breathing, it will help you to understand the movements of your thoughts. It will help you to automatically change your negative reactions to positive ones!

**Be aware of negative self-talk. You can easily fuel that fire if you are not careful of what you allow even yourself to stay stuck on!

**Learn the feeling of being stuck on an issue...take lead on those runaway thoughts. Again, listen, think, replay then react!

**If you feel that you cannot answer a question, do not feel that it is a test of your intelligence, simply say you do not have the answer. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are not perfect. It is not all about YOU!

**Every person on this earth has the same right to be here as you do. There is no one more special than another. There is only one person that you should depend on and that is YOU!

It is hard to accept the fact that we are not number one to others!
It is hard to be put in a position of feeling that we are and then losing it!
It is damn hard building up our self-esteem day in and day out, when there is always going to be something or someone that will challenge it with or without intentions.

Who ever said that life was going to be an easy, free ride?

When you can learn to stop whining and looking for things to put yourself down with, then you can finally get on with living a free and happy life.

We are not always going to have good hair days, but then we are not always going to have bad hair days either!

If we do not start to understand that our happiness and our self-esteem is our responsibility then we will never enjoy what life offers. We will sit there on a merry-go-round and watch everyone else laugh, live, and enjoy.
And guess what....they will do all of that without us. Who wants to drag around a dead weight, or invite a virus to a party?
Think about the type of person that you would like to spend time with....are you that type?

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"Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, is the highroad to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction. " -Brian Tracey

~D~

~Mothers & Daughters are..~

~Love~

~Delicate~

~Tearful~

~Beautiful~

~Unique~

~Genuine Gifts~

Mothers..
you gave us... your daughters, the gift of life, a gift that is the most precious part of who we are and for that, we will try our hardest to love that gift unconditionally!
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Daughters:
we gave to you.... our daughters, the gift of life, which is the most precious gift we could ever give to anyone, so that you can pass this gift down to your daughter... & teach her how to love this gift of life unconditionally in turn!
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Below is my gift from my daughter...It was waiting for me in my comment section...
I would like to share it with all moms!

You are the greatest mother a girl could ask for!!! You have been there for me whenever I needed you even from so far away. I wish we could be together this mothers day. I love you with all my heart and miss you more and more each day!! You are beautiful inside and out and are always putting others before yourself. You should be proud of the women you have become and the women you have raised. If I grow up to be even a tiny bit of the women you are I will be grateful. Thank you for everything you've given me, I love you!

~Happy Mothers Day~

~Your crazy daughter... Erin~

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Am I in LOVE? (Questions of the heart)

Do you feel your brains turn to mush..

as soon as cupids arrow spears your heart?

• Did your heart ever become your goal?
• Did he become your world?
• Do you feel the need to control him?
• Do you want to be his everything?
• Did you ever change your entire world to be with him?
• Did he, for you?
• Do you want his eyes to be only on you?
• Do you feel like you can never say anything right?
• Do you try to share your thoughts with him, only to alienate him?
• Do you tear your hair out every time he looks at you like you are an alien?
• Do you wish today was as sweet as the first day that you laid your eyes on him?
• Do you wish you had never heard any stories about his past?
• Do you wish he never heard yours?
• Do you expect him to read your mind?
• Do you think you can read his mind?
• Do you worry about things that he cannot even comprehend?
• Do you imagine his answers, when he gives you none?
• Do you constantly question his feelings for you?
• Do you question his every decision?
• Do you feel like a wallflower?
• Do you wish he would not interpret your needs for weakness?
• Did you grow up believing love would be safe and non confronting?
• Do you like the feeling of mistrust?
• Does he?
• Do you feel that you are the only one in this relationship?
• Did you ever think that you would feel so torn apart when you argued with someone?
• Did you think that you could be so hateful with someone you love so much?
• Did you ever look at someone and feel a total, unconditional love for them?
• Did you think that he too would feel incompetent during sex?
• Do you know that he too suffers when you look upon him with disappointment?
• Does he try to reach out to you in his time of need for affection and understanding?
• Do you turn away from him, hoping that he will turn to you?
• Do you feel like hiding from his eyes when you feel threatened by another female?
• Does he understand you at that time?
• Does he support you when you feel weak and failing?
• Do you support him?
• Do you allow him inside your head when all you want to do is die?
• Do you come home and ask him how his day was?
• Do you reach for him in the quiet of the night?
• Does he reach out for you?
• Does he make you feel sexy with just one look?
• Do you crave his touch?
• Does he kiss you passionately?
• Do you kiss him back?
• Do you love him with all your heart and soul?
• Would you die for him?
• Would he die for you?

HMMMMMM!

I know that I have definitely reached each one of you reading, with at least one of these thought provoking questions. Did you ever think such a small sweet word like LOVE could be so full of emotions and feelings? Love has so many meanings:

• Love means trust, even when all the cards are against you.
• Love means understand at all costs.
• Love means accept all without question.
• Love means allowing a stranger into your heart.
• Love means smiling when anyone else would frown.
• Love means hugging when he cries.
• Love means being silent when silence is needed.
• Love means putting his feelings first.
• Love means being fair.
• Love means expecting fairness.
• Love means commitment.
• Love means fitting together.
• Love means laughter.
• Love means partnership.
• Love means being independent.
• Love means forgiveness.
• Love means patience.
• Love means pain.
• Love means sacrifice.
• Love means supporting.
• Love means feeling complete.
• Love means never going to bed mad.
• Love means GIFT.

If you have the gift of love, cherish it, nurture it, and treat it with respect.

Never push it away, or hurt it. Never, ever abuse it, or treat it like a door mat. Embrace it.

To have the gift of love is truly an inner beauty feeling. People say they love, but truly they have no clue what love is. Love can be just as painful as it can be beautiful. It can turn on you in a heartbeat. It can become your worst enemy. It can twist your world and turn it upside down, leaving you feeling alone and empty. Love is a very powerful gift. It is when one finds true love that all of the feelings, good and bad come together. That is when they are organized and compromised to make two people into one. It is when we are one that we join forces against the world and battle together. Sometimes it feels easier to go it alone, but it is the word, "alone" that really scares me. I would rather risk it all with someone, then to be alone. To say yes to the questions above tells you that you have risked it and are in love!

~D~

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"I believe that we are here for each other, not against each other. Everything comes from an understanding that you are a gift in my life - whoever you are, whatever our differences."

- John Denver

Where Is He Looking & What Is He Thinking?

Worries, Worries, and more worries. This seems to be the consensus of more and more women these days in regards to where their partners eyes are and what they are thinking. I deal with more emotional issues from women in regards to this issue than not.

Women all want to be the center of their partners attention. They also want to know exactly where he is looking and what he is thinking. But to what degree are we going to continue to imprison ourselves in the thought, where is he looking and what is he thinking? I have done a ton of research regarding the male mind and their inability to not look. They simply are just lookers /observers. Men are visual creatures and women these days work very hard at looking good. Notice how the media has also worked on us women to create these competitions amongst each other. How else can they sell their wrinkle and beauty products and make the millions of dollars on cosmetic surgery that they do these days? It's all out there! Morals have taken a back seat to making money. The innocent ones are the ones that suffer, as usual. I know I repeat this fact in just about everything I write, but it is the one fact that we must start to look at. WE are allowing the media to dictate and/or control our self-worth.
In my articles, I help women learn ways of coping and rising above things we cannot change. I truly believe that we are making more out of it than the men are. In fact through our very own verbal worries & fears we instill ideas in their head that may never have occurred to them before. It is not an easy world we live in.
In some relationships, I believe that a partner will get away with what they can. It is human to error. It's sad but true. From the day we are born we are challenging life and seeing what we can get away with. In any relationship, there will always be someone trying to get away with things. This may or may not be a conscious thought. As I said, we are only human.

For a lot of men, staring at other women is really, a very bad habit. The men that do not do this, will agree that they are just plain rude and disrespectful. To know that one's partner is hurting or uncomfortable in a situation, but continues regardless of how they feel, is purely selfish, disrespectful and very mindless. For the man that degrades his partner, and falls for all the unrealistic images that Hollywood is telling him is the real thing, is truly as small minded as his penis. Harsh words, yes. but well deserving at the same time. This must be brought to the for-front immediately.

Pornography is an absurd example to what real life sex should be like. It is abuse of another kind and it degrades men as well as women. It is cheap and very addicting. Pornography is like any other negative sexual device being offered to the world for money. It is destruction of reality and it is a persons choice to look or not too look. It is their choice to degrade themselves when taking part in pornography. It is their choice to truly understand and follow through on their commitment to their partner. It is also their choice to be all alone, wanted by no one that is real. These are all negative habits that a person can change if they want to.

Why do so many women feel that their partners are in fact being disrespectful?
Why do so many men scream that they are NOT being disrespectful?

There are millions of women that are battling this worry of where he is looking and what is he thinking. Most women continue to maintain their relationships and deal with life as best they can. Other women spend countless hours reading and paying therapists to tell them they are not crazy or imagining things. Couples spend way to much time debating this issue and always end up at square one. Both men and women need to work together and change their habits. Women must stop allowing their own insecurities to magnify their partners gestures and reactions which only results in a negative control over their happiness. Men must try to be more aware of what exactly triggers off their partners worries and not take her reactions so defensively. This does NOT say that women are to bow down & ignore what is obvious disrespect in some cases, but we need to really look at just how serious their looks are and how serious we are taking them. To allow a man's actions to effect how we see ourselves, is a definite mistake on our part. It is up to us to feel good about ourselves, no one else. It is very hard when we care what someone thinks about us. We tend to use that as our happiness meter. Too many women are allowing the weaknesses of men to determine their happiness and self-worth. We are real people and yes we have stretch marks and we have life wrinkles..which are as much a part of us as our curves. These characteristics are what make us that much more unique. For these men that think it is all about the poster girl, I feel very sorry for them. They are losing out on so much of the good, genuine, real stuff. Our own self-acceptance is the key in being able to overcome so many of the little things that we cannot change. That is why we must work on knowing ourselves and knowing that we are a special, unique person.

I am going to play the devils advocate here for a bit.

Men Say:

We look, yes but that's all.

It's not like we want to have sex with them.

Women worry about everything.

Women are always jealous of other women.

Women get mad at us when another women happens to catch our eye.

We do not go into strip bars to see girls, we go to talk to the guys.

We cannot help it if there are scantily dressed women serving us at that restaurant.

Its only a picture.

Women are immature when they try to stop us having fun.

Guys should be able to go to bars with their friends.

Guys don`t discuss woman's body parts when they are hanging out together.

If women trusted us, we should be able to go anywhere.

Alcohol does not make us flirtatious.

We married them, so what more do they want?

Women say:

He is looking at her and wishes I looked like her.

He is undressing her in his mind.

He is doing this to make me worry.

I wish I looked like her.

Why does he have to look every time a pretty girl walks past?

Men could also go to the do-nut shop to talk.

Men do not have to choose restaurants that advertise scantily dressed women waitresses.

We want to be our men's fun.

Bars are not for married people unless they are there together.

Men are always looking and discussing female body parts.

We do trust, but we also feel a thing called respect for them. Some places that men go are not respectable.

Alcohol makes everyone a bit more lose and flirtatious.

There is more to marriage than just saying we are married...that bottom line is very old.

These are just a few oppositions that men and women deal with. We definitely think on a different wave length. We see things differently and we feel differently about certain issues also. That's what makes us men and women. The trick in being able to live together and respecting each other, is to understand that we are different and also to be able to make compromises for our partner's happiness. After all, is that not what its all about? Making each other happy!

Where he is looking or what he is thinking is an issue that will not be fixed in one article or even ten. But as long as we work at it and continue to communicate with each other, we will eventually find a common ground.

These are my thoughts and they certainly do not include every single person on earth.

I would however be very interested:

Gents...on exactly & truthfully your thoughts on what are you thinking and where are you looking?

Ladies...I would love to hear your exact and truthful thoughts on how his actions make you feel!

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"Love" is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy." - Robert Heinlein

"No matter what age you are, or what your circumstances might be, you are special. and you still have something UNIQUE to offer. Your life, because of who you are, has meaning! " -Barbara De Angelis

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DorothyL

BODY IMAGE

Q = Question asked

A = Typical answer

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Q: What is your Body Image on a scale of 1-10?

A: 5

Q: How much time do you spend on improving your body image?

A: As much time as I can.

Q: How often do you worry about the battle of the perfect body?

A: Whenever I see another women I feel threatened by.

Q: What is your idea of a perfect body?

A: Someone tall, thin with good proportions. (not too big breasts, firm butt)

Q: How badly do you want to fit in?

A: So badly that I would have cosmetic

Q: How do you picture yourself?

A: Boring, not attractive by society`s standards. Definitely overweight.

Q: How do you feel being in your body?

A: I feel good being me until I see someone out there that I would much rather be.

Q: How do you think others see you?

A: They see me as I see myself.

Q: Do you want to look like Society's picture of the ideal body?

A: Yes, who wouldn't?

Hmmmm, do you feel this way about your body image?

Why are so many women in today's world so confused at how they should feel? Where have we lost our desires and contentedness in just being who we are? Why do we go over the line in our need to be perfect at what we do or how we look? The answers to these questions can be many.

Lets start with pornography, and media's idea of that perfect body image. These are two of the strongest body image addictions off our world and they both focus on the female body.

Pornography is giving the illusion of being desired, of importance and of acceptance; all of the wrong attention a women should desire. It Leaves them feeling used and worthless. When did we as women lose our control in how we see our bodies? When did we begin to hate our bodies to the point of paying huge amounts of dollars to cosmetic surgeons? With all the freedoms of our world today in our society, why do we allow ourselves to be slaves to this myth that only beauty can determine our self-worth? Still so many questions and so few answers.

Women are starving themselves and their children. They are bouncing from diet to diet, practicing gorging and purging. They are becoming even more obsessed with getting rid of what makes them a female by nature, their voluptuous bodies with it's curves and suppleness. Are we dieting ourselves literally to death? The phrase of , "Dieing to fit in" comes to mind. As I mentioned in the beginning of this paragraph, children are being starved. Yes our own negative body image is corrupting our children's ideas of what body image is all about. Our children do not even have a chance to overpower what we ourselves have allowed to control us. They will only know what they are taught. They will be bred into "the world of fashion" and "to be thin is in". Do we want our children to grow up in the miserable prison of low self-worth that we are battling with even now? I think not.

In a recent poll by People Magazine, it is said that 80% of women stated that women on television, and magazines ads make them feel very insecure about their body image. It is also said that approx. 10% of females (all ages) in the USA are suffering from a diagnosed eating disorder ranging from, body isomorphic, anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and another very horrible illness know as severe depression. Lets not forget that these illnesses lead to death for many of the victims.

A very sad picture, is what I am seeing. I have mentioned so many times in my articles that our world today has turned into a money sucking machine. Money is so the root of all evil! We are told that if we want to be the perfect body image, we have to look like this or walk like that. Grrrr. Makes me crazy.

When are we, as women, going to wake up and stop allowing someone that has never met us, to dictate to us what we should look like to feel better? When are we going to say no to the world that is working over time to sell, sell, sell? They are selling us, right down the river. We are buying into their game and they are winning. Every where we look our minds are brainwashed with images of the perfect body . How are we ever going to overpower this corruption of our minds? Every time I read a woman's desperate cries regarding how depressed she is because she feels that her husband is comparing her to a perfect body image, all I can feel is that again we are losing the battle. Women continue to fall victim to the lies and misinterpretations of what real beauty is. We must end this world of total bogus idealism's and do our own thinking.

Let us get back to basics. The basics of just being a unique person. The basics of feeling good about who we are no matter what others think. The basics of just striving to be healthy. The basics of knowing that we are all here for a reason, and that alone makes us a very important person. A persons external beauty will never outlast their inner beauty. Our external body image will fall and age. It is what's inside of us that will continue to grow and live life as it is meant to be lived. Life is there for us to enjoy. No one else on earth can be you! You are a very special individual. Your lips are yours and no one else's. Your hips are also yours and no one else has them. You are your very own body image!

You are a beautiful woman and you can feel good about you, if you would just start to understand that all the hype about the perfect body image is just that, Hype, to sell. Hype to take our money and fool us into believing what they want us to believe. It is pure garbage! So every time you see these so called perfect body images, smile and say, "Yes, but I am the real one and there is no one like me, there are thousands like you". Save your worries and your money and say NO to the media and its so called 'perfect body image'. Say YES to holding your head up high and walking with confidence. A confidence that will raise your self-esteem to its highest peaks. A confidence that will reveal a whole new sexual you. Ladies every time we do not feel good about our bodies, we are denying ourselves the freedom of dance, the taste of good food, and the ability to be a free spirit. To live, laugh and love. How can we do any of that when we waste so much of our time on earth worrying about our body image?
So lets change the world that we live in and remember, There is strength in numbers. We just have to walk the walk!

Now go and respect yourself and be proud to be a woman!

~D~

BEAUTY IS IN ALL COLORS & SHAPES!

“In order to have friendship you must look past the color to the soul, because within the soul lies a rainbow of many colors.”

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“People are limited not by the place of their birth, not by the color of their skin, but by the size of heart.”