Relationships & Roller-coaster Rides!

Up..down, a quick around, a sharp turn left, a sharp turn right, traveling blindly into a tunnel ahead, leading to an instant dead drop...this is a vague, but direct description of two things we experience in life.

One being on a roller-coaster ride the other being in a relationship.

Both rides clearly have a beginning and an ending...yet are still somewhat unpredictable and uncontrollable, this is why they are so hard to resist and so innately tempting to our psyche.

Both rides deliver a chemical reaction that is so addictive and irresistible to our adrenaline, that no matter how scary or unpleasant it seems at times, we continue to return for more.

Neither can offer security or promise, they do however offer the thrill of the unknown, the desire to fulfill a dare or a fantasy and most of all the ability to overcome certain challenges we face through nature and our own subconscious weakness known as 'fear'.

Relationships and roller-coaster rides can be extreme experiences in life. The need for your own balance and inner strength to be able to deal with its twists and turns is vital to the outcome of the ride. If you are too weak, you will loose control and all self-stability in your life. If you are too strong and have no fear whatsoever...your taking the ride for granted, your letting your guard down and without warning, you will end up shocked when it ends unexpectedly.

Not only is it essential to have knowledge of the risk involved in the ride, you must also have a certain amount of awareness so you can be prepared for the unknown. Forewarned is forearmed! If you enter the ride expecting too little or too much, it can leave you very disappointed and unfulfilled.

Roller-coaster and relationship rides are also extremely difficult if not impossible to exit once you step on, which is another reason to be very sure you are willing to stay the course.

Either way.....both rides demand some level of mental preparation and knowledge as neither ride can be entered without risk. Hence the saying, 'Enter at your own risk'. I repeat myself in using the word, 'risk' as it is a key word when entering any relationship or roller-coaster ride and its meaning must be heard and understood clearly.

A risk is the outcome of the gamble you take when you invest your heart, your time and/or your money in something that appears to offer what you cannot ignore. So be very aware of the risk involved in any ride in life!

Important words to remember...even though you cannot control or predict these rides...you can control how you allow these rides to affect you, just as you can control how you enter and leave the ride!

So tell me.....

How do you enter the rides that your life challenges you with?

~D~

What type of partner are you?

Relationships are made up of two people. Two people with very unique characteristics and different minds. Whether these qualities are genetically inherited or through learned behavior, matters not, as they are the characteristics that make us who we are right now.

Today we have many same sex relationships so I am not going to even speak of any gender specifics within these thoughts.

Giving that, a relationship consists of two minds, which in most cases have to work fairly hard at being compatible and finding some sort of happiness balance...the type of partner you are is vital to the success of your relationship.

There are so many different types of partners...which one are you?

Needy...always needing to be with someone and/ or reassured of acceptance.

Desperate...will overlook & endure just about any type of treatment or lack of...which in most cases is abuse... just to have someone.

Independent/self-sufficient...somewhat detached and wanting to live alone yet be in a relationship at the same time.

Controlling/Domineering.....always feels the need to be in charge or right in every situation.

Abusive...sexually, verbally & physically aggressive & demanding... eg. name calling...negative criticism towards a partners weight, intelligence and/or general abilities.

Submissive/subservient...always apologizing...yielding and/or agreeing in order to keep your partner happy.

Compassionate...a genuine feeling sympathy and/or pity for your partner in every situation.

Supportive...being helpful, caring, encouraging, understanding, reassuring, and even sympathetic to a point.

Sacrifices...always puts others desires and needs first.

Denial...ignoring the obvious...excusing and/or avoiding certain issues for whatever reason...fear of accepting what cannot be changed.

There is not one person reading this list that will not identify with one or more of the above types. Be very honest with yourself in your choice as you fool noone by choosing one that you are not or would like to think you are. You might even choose several types as we are all made up of a variety of characteristics.

Once you can determine and accept which type of partner you are, then and only then will you be able to understand the why's of who you are right now in your relationship or if you are even relationship material at this point in your self-understanding. Admitting we have faults or shortcomings is probably one of the hardest self-realizations a human mind can deal with. Once you have acknowledged your shortcomings...then what? Now you have to actually work at changing it to better suit your relationship at hand or any future relationship.

Everyone is quite aware by now that being able to trust and be honest with ones partner are both vital in having a healthy and secure relationship. It is also a fact that any relationship takes honest effort from both sides. This is called balance as I mentioned earlier in this post.

We also tend to feel ashamed or embarrassed when we are confronted with our shortcomings. Don't be...it is the one who ignores or pretends to be perfect or feels that they are expected to be perfect that is in real trouble. Being a true loving and worthy partner does demand a sense of genuine and honest understandingof ones-self. You owe truth not only to yourself... you owe it to your partner as well.

When reading this..please be honest with yourself and please do feel free to share your honesty. Also add to my list of partner types as I am far from perfect myself!

~D~

Being a Human Being......

You will be born a human being with a body, a mind and a soul.
You will either like it or hate it, either way...it is yours for the keeping.
You will experience many emotions from which you will learn lessons imperative to your life's happiness.
You will be enrolled in a human school called, 'life'  in which you will receive a book called, 'your book of life'.
This book holds the chapters that you will write throughout your time as a human being.
You will make mistakes, which will in turn, teach you lessons vital to your success in this life as a human being. 
Your growth will consist of many of trial & errors, which are your lessons in the life as a human.
You will fail, you will succeed, how you deal with either will determine your fate.
Your 'failed' attempts will be as much a part of the process of growth as your successions.
Your life's lessons will challenge you until you have learned them well...excelling further or you will push them aside....leaving yourself to mere ignorance.

Life's lessons never end....as long as you are breathing... you will be learning.

You will be tempted to strive for have what you do not have or be who you are not...this very important lesson will result in your level of self-acceptance & self-love.
You will love and you will hate...you will hurt and you will not hurt....the lesson here is whether or not you can forgive....again how you deal with these lessons will define who you are.
How you exist in your life is solely up to you.
You will have all the tools and resources you will need equal to others.

What you do with them is again solely up to you.

The lesson here will be a lesson of choices.

The answers to your life's questions lie within you.
How you attain them is again up to you...

So choose wisely and you will succeed!

~D~

Does the attraction of opposites last?

I have often thought about which couple characteristics actually are the most successful in making a happily ever type relationship.

I have heard so many times that opposites attract...what does that mean to you?

To me that statement means that opposites and /or indifference will most definitely attract...but that does not say that those characteristics will last. More than not those same attraction characteristics will be the downfall of a relationship. Possibly if one of the partners is very understanding and patient...the relationship might have a chance.

There are so many different types of couples......

Some couples are almost clones of each other in personality and desires. Others are totally opposite from each other in those same respects.

Some people meet in high school and stay together forever...while others spend many years alone until they finally meet the person they choose to spend the rest of their life with.

Couples that have married because of an unexpected pregnancy or in more redneck terms...the shotgun wedding!

There is the couple which has a master and a servant.

There are also those people who are born in a more traditional country and are involved in arranged marriages.  Do any of them ever truly fall in love?

Then we have those who go through several relationships before finally finding Mr./Mrs right

Last of all... we have the people that never seem to find that right one.

So tell me....which one are you?

~D~

Female & Male Prayers...

FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep.
I pray for a man, who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks.
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed.

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh!
Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, who Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end.
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.

***********************************

MALE PRAYER
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a nuts.
Amen.

****

Need I say more!!
I so could not resist...bringing a smile to your day!

Hey if this can make you smile, then my job has been well done!

~D~

To Love or not To Love..

To Love....

Oh to fall in love.... The feelings one experiences when falling in love..are not only completely consuming and captivating, they are also amazingly surreal, euphoric, passionate, and oh so full of anticipation and newness that there is no escape. You become imprisoned to these overwhelming feelings that trap your mind, heart and body on this merry-go-round of what seems to be a promise of eternal happiness.

When that love is lost for whatever reason, every one of those positive feelings turns swiftly into the total opposite, which can be the most painful experience a human mind can accept and/or absorb.

You will feel like you have literally died inside... become blinded to any direction in life...you will feel as if you have been robbed of a priceless human gem, known as trust...robbed of a love, you deserved...one you earned ...one you depended on for that eternal happiness...one that was yours and no-one elses.

What is there to do once that love is lost?
You can pick up the pieces of your broken world of eternal happiness and you can learn from it and begin to rebuild what once was or you can stay broken and stop breathing...then die.

To never know any of those feelings good or bad...is the other part of my pondering thought...

Not to Love...

Is it better ...

..to never walk for fear of falling?

..to never taste for fear of distaste?

..to never touch for fear of feeling?
..to never smile for fear of frowning?
..to never laugh for fear of crying?

..to never swim for fear of drowning?

..to never trust for fearing of not trusting?

..to never love for fear of losing ?

I wonder...do we even have the choice, to love or not to love? 
Do we choose to fall in love or does love choose us? 
Can one go about life, interacting with other people and never face the risk of falling in love? 

Is it so out of our control, that even the knowledge of the risk involved becomes meaningless within the desires of love?

Is love inevitable?

~~~~~~~~

So tell me...do you think...it is better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all ?

~D~

Gender Differences....

You and I both know that relationships can be quite challenging as they do not come without their ups and downs given that we are two completely different genders..
What is key in having a successful and enjoyable relationship is that the ups out number the downs.

When dealing with same or opposite gender relationships, each person experiences changes daily due to the challenges of life. In short nothing or no one will ever stay exactly the same.
In a relationship it is also vital to change together...and stay on the course directed toward the same goals.

Men and women were both gifted with distinct personality differences for a reason. The reason clearly being that they fit together like a puzzle... as long as the right pieces are used in the right spots. For some reason, both men and women seem to constantly want to re-cut those pieces and/or try to fit them somewhere else instead of just accepting what is. This is where we run into so many issues, such as... women wanting men to think like women, men wanting women to think like men....ect.

The main key to any successful relationship is simple. It is called 'acceptance'. We must learn to accept rather than expect.

My being female and writing from thoughts that derive from a female mind, I know it seems that I am always picking on the guys or favoring the girls. Not so....in fact I am indirectly trying to get both genders to see the big picture. It is when we are all tangled up in emotions due to matters of the heart...that the picture tends to get pretty small and our vision can become a bit narrow...very narrow in some cases.

Both genders do have their quirks...that is what makes us unique and individual. Without those gender differences we would not be attracted to each other. We simply would not fit!

Lets take a look at some of the quirks that can so drive a partner around the bend.......

~D~

Porn, Girly mags and Internet fantasy girls.

I read an interesting post written by 'The Guys Perspective' blog, one of the newer members of what I consider, My circle of Blogger Friends.
This article was about men and their innate sexual desires in comparison to a Rams sexual drive.

After reading this article ...I could not get the issue of this 'innate need or desire' to view pornography, Hustler/playboy magazines and/or the, 'oh so' available Internet airbrushed fantasy girls out of my head.

I know that we are a very diverse society and in saying that we all have our own thoughts and interpretations of everything. In a relationship it is vital to to be communicative and on the same page as our partners when we are dealing with emotional issues especially sexual activities.
Yes..the sexual part of the relationship is strongly emotional for the female. Just as the visual aspect is for the male. This is one of those important issues that is a must to deal with in the early stages of the relationship. If you are aware of an emotional issue your partner is suffering from and you commit to the relationship regardless......then it will be up to you to bend a bit more in order to support your partner. It is vital to respect each others thoughts and feelings about sensitive and personal thoughts and feelings.

If a relationship consists of one partner who sees nothing wrong with viewing pornography, fantasizing out loud, looking at a Hustler/Playboy girly mags or even photos of perfectly airbrushed young provocative women on the Internet and the other partner does not...then this relationship does have an issue. The balance needed for a stable understanding is most definitely offset.

The sexual part of a relationship should be approached freely and eagerly. Sex is about fun and enjoyment with your partner in a physical sense. Neither partner should have to pretend or feel that they cannot be honest if they do not desire the same thing.

We all know that nothing stays the same forever...as that would be horribly dull and non-stimulating. As time goes by...relationships along with the partners involved, do change.
Again it is essential to remain on the same page and/or follow the same roads through out those changes. Communication being a vital key through out the entirety of the relationship does make it possible to overcome many of the changes that come with the ups and downs of life.

There is no right or wrong in the bedroom between couples as long as they are both are in 'honest agreement' to what each other desires. Choosing a compatible partner of the same mind set makes it right.

There are many different female and male mind sets where sex is involved. Each mind rationalizes differently about the viewing of pornography, girly mags, and/or Internet photos.
Being aware that we are all different and we do not all see things in the same light is also a key to picking the partner that will be compatible for you.

Below, I have listed as many mindsets in connection with this topic that I have run into through my years of research.

There are woman....
that...do not care where their partners gets their sexual appetite or fantasies from as long as they come home for dinner....so to speak!

that... have absolutely no problem viewing pornography or even watching strippers with their partners.

that... have no problem having sex with another women in front of their partners or even including their partner.

that... will go out and purchase Hustler/Penthouse/Playboy girly mags for their partner.

that... feel it is what is expected of them or that they have no choice and it is what the man wants and desires that is the priority.

that... act as if they do not care when the whole time they are feeling humiliated even violated, yet for some reason continue the fasaud of enjoying what is going on in their bedroom.

that... do not appreciate their partner viewing photos of women in order to get in the mood so to speak.

that...want to feel that they are their partners fantasy girl .

that... do not appreciate nor condone what strippers do or stand for.

that... do think pornography is demeaning women of the norm.

that... do think that men can get very confused as to the real image of a woman's body in comparison to the, 'oh so perfect' airbrushed photos from magazines and the Internet.

There are men....
that...view pornography or girly mags out of habit and/or as a way of socializing with the guys.

that...think it is their right of passage as a man to view pornography, strippers, girly mags, and/or sexually explicit and provocative photos.

that...cannot for the life of them, understand why any woman would be threatened by a photo of a young, perfectly airbrushed female stretched out in 100 sultry and provocative positions.

that...hide their need or desire to view pornography as a means to get turned on.

that...confuse a woman's interpretation of their need or desire to view pornography, girly mags, Internet photos as a means of control and feel suffocated by it.

that...pretend they are not interested in viewing pornography, girly mags or Internet photos...and then eventually begin to sneak around to view it, later on in the relationship.

that...do understand and respect their partners interpretation of his need or desire to view pornography, girly mags and/or Internet photos.

that...do not prioritize their desire or need to view pornography, girly mags and/or Internet Photos above their partner's feelings.

that...do feel they are disrespecting woman when they take part and add to the demand of pornography, girly mag and/or Internet photos.

...I am reaching out to you very intelligent and independent thinkers and would love to hear your thoughts on this issue.

~D~

As a Parent...What is Betrayal to you?

We all know only too well that to feel a true betrayal, the abuser (betrayer) has to be somewhat closely connected to us. It has to be someone or something that we have trusted or completely opened our heart & soul too. Only then can a betrayal of any kind pierce like a knife and rip our insides out in one cut.

To be betrayed by one's own child is as surreal and unnatural as if your child died before you. When you have invested your heart in raising your child to be strong, honest, and intelligent, you feel that your worries are over. But then that child grows up and decides to choose their own road in life. It may be a road that will deter them from a positive route, or one that will even possibly hurt them. This is where the feeling of betrayal comes in.

To you, the parent, this choice that was made, more than not against your better wishes is like a siren going off in your head twenty-four hours of your day. To your child it is what they need to do, no reason, no rhyme, they just NEED to do this. This is their right, this is their choice and it has nothing to do with you. This is not a personal vendetta against you.

So now what? You can cry and scream and yell all you want. Guess what? It does not matter. You, the parent are not their concern at that moment. They are not worried about you. They are only worried about themselves. They are not outright hurting you in their minds. Again I repeat...it is not a personnel attack. But you still feel betrayed by their choice in life right now. Betrayal floods your veins every second after the initial attack. It makes breathing almost impossible. Your blood feels poisoned....

Your confusion.............

~~Bite Me~~

Life can seriously challenge our moods, emotions and reactions, which I am sure we all agree on.

We all find ourselves reaching that point of overreacting out of frustration or to an unaddressed issue that has been bothering us for while.

There is really no need for this to happen.

Relationships are tough enough to keep balanced without allowing the small stuff to build up and tumble down all at one time.

We must all practice and learn how to vent at the exact time that the irritation occurs. This will avoid so many of those horrible outbursts which we either go on and on and on about or leaves us feeling like a super jerk.

Now please do not get me wrong here...there are good ways and bad ways to vent or to quietly let someone know that they have stepped on your last nerve.

One excellent way to do this is to find a phrase that works for you.

It can be...'I love you too' with a bit of a cynical edge to it... 'Nice weather eh'... or my all time favorite...'Bite Me'.

Have you ever felt that you just wanted to say... BITE ME?

Well I have many, many times. And it feels soooo good once said. It is like my own little personal shot at whatever urks me at that moment.

Kind of like.......