What type of partner are you?

Relationships are made up of two people. Two people with very unique characteristics and different minds. Whether these qualities are genetically inherited or through learned behavior, matters not, as they are the characteristics that make us who we are right now.

Today we have many same sex relationships so I am not going to even speak of any gender specifics within these thoughts.

Giving that, a relationship consists of two minds, which in most cases have to work fairly hard at being compatible and finding some sort of happiness balance...the type of partner you are is vital to the success of your relationship.

There are so many different types of partners...which one are you?

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BODY IMAGE

Q = Question asked

A = Typical answer

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Q: What is your Body Image on a scale of 1-10?

A: 5

Q: How much time do you spend on improving your body image?

A: As much time as I can.

Q: How often do you worry about the battle of the perfect body?

A: Whenever I see another women I feel threatened by.

Q: What is your idea of a perfect body?

A: Someone tall, thin with good proportions. (not too big breasts, firm butt)

Q: How badly do you want to fit in?

A: So badly that I would have cosmetic

Q: How do you picture yourself?

A: Boring, not attractive by society`s standards. Definitely overweight.

Q: How do you feel being in your body?

A: I feel good being me until I see someone out there that I would much rather be.

Q: How do you think others see you?

A: They see me as I see myself.

Q: Do you want to look like Society's picture of the ideal body?

A: Yes, who wouldn't?

Hmmmm, do you feel this way about your body image?

Why are so many women in today's world so confused at how they should feel? Where have we lost our desires and contentedness in just being who we are? Why do we go over the line in our need to be perfect at what we do or how we look? The answers to these questions can be many.

Lets start with pornography, and media's idea of that perfect body image. These are two of the strongest body image addictions off our world and they both focus on the female body.

Pornography is giving the illusion of being desired, of importance and of acceptance; all of the wrong attention a women should desire. It Leaves them feeling used and worthless. When did we as women lose our control in how we see our bodies? When did we begin to hate our bodies to the point of paying huge amounts of dollars to cosmetic surgeons? With all the freedoms of our world today in our society, why do we allow ourselves to be slaves to this myth that only beauty can determine our self-worth? Still so many questions and so few answers.

Women are starving themselves and their children. They are bouncing from diet to diet, practicing gorging and purging. They are becoming even more obsessed with getting rid of what makes them a female by nature, their voluptuous bodies with it's curves and suppleness. Are we dieting ourselves literally to death? The phrase of , "Dieing to fit in" comes to mind. As I mentioned in the beginning of this paragraph, children are being starved. Yes our own negative body image is corrupting our children's ideas of what body image is all about. Our children do not even have a chance to overpower what we ourselves have allowed to control us. They will only know what they are taught. They will be bred into "the world of fashion" and "to be thin is in". Do we want our children to grow up in the miserable prison of low self-worth that we are battling with even now? I think not.

In a recent poll by People Magazine, it is said that 80% of women stated that women on television, and magazines ads make them feel very insecure about their body image. It is also said that approx. 10% of females (all ages) in the USA are suffering from a diagnosed eating disorder ranging from, body isomorphic, anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and another very horrible illness know as severe depression. Lets not forget that these illnesses lead to death for many of the victims.

A very sad picture, is what I am seeing. I have mentioned so many times in my articles that our world today has turned into a money sucking machine. Money is so the root of all evil! We are told that if we want to be the perfect body image, we have to look like this or walk like that. Grrrr. Makes me crazy.

When are we, as women, going to wake up and stop allowing someone that has never met us, to dictate to us what we should look like to feel better? When are we going to say no to the world that is working over time to sell, sell, sell? They are selling us, right down the river. We are buying into their game and they are winning. Every where we look our minds are brainwashed with images of the perfect body . How are we ever going to overpower this corruption of our minds? Every time I read a woman's desperate cries regarding how depressed she is because she feels that her husband is comparing her to a perfect body image, all I can feel is that again we are losing the battle. Women continue to fall victim to the lies and misinterpretations of what real beauty is. We must end this world of total bogus idealism's and do our own thinking.

Let us get back to basics. The basics of just being a unique person. The basics of feeling good about who we are no matter what others think. The basics of just striving to be healthy. The basics of knowing that we are all here for a reason, and that alone makes us a very important person. A persons external beauty will never outlast their inner beauty. Our external body image will fall and age. It is what's inside of us that will continue to grow and live life as it is meant to be lived. Life is there for us to enjoy. No one else on earth can be you! You are a very special individual. Your lips are yours and no one else's. Your hips are also yours and no one else has them. You are your very own body image!

You are a beautiful woman and you can feel good about you, if you would just start to understand that all the hype about the perfect body image is just that, Hype, to sell. Hype to take our money and fool us into believing what they want us to believe. It is pure garbage! So every time you see these so called perfect body images, smile and say, "Yes, but I am the real one and there is no one like me, there are thousands like you". Save your worries and your money and say NO to the media and its so called 'perfect body image'. Say YES to holding your head up high and walking with confidence. A confidence that will raise your self-esteem to its highest peaks. A confidence that will reveal a whole new sexual you. Ladies every time we do not feel good about our bodies, we are denying ourselves the freedom of dance, the taste of good food, and the ability to be a free spirit. To live, laugh and love. How can we do any of that when we waste so much of our time on earth worrying about our body image?
So lets change the world that we live in and remember, There is strength in numbers. We just have to walk the walk!

Now go and respect yourself and be proud to be a woman!

~D~

Walking On Eggshells!

Has anyone ever told you, that's how they feel around you?

If they have, it's a huge red flag and one that should not be ignored. It needs to be dealt with immediately.

Our self-esteem is vital when we are in any type of relationship. Without a healthy self-esteem and self-confidence we will not be able to see our beauty as our partner does. Without that sight we will be blinded by every other women out there, seeing only their beauty. This is when the doubts and fears take over our thoughts and this is when jealousy is born and the eggshell syndrome begins!

Relationships are a tough challenging part of our lives. Especially when dealing with matters of the heart. As truly good as they make you feel, they can in turn tear you apart from the inside in a heartbeat. When the red flags start to rise up, that's when your relationship

is crying out for help. You need to address it, as if a baby was crying out to you.

When someone says they feel like they are walking on egg shells, what is that telling you? It's telling you :

• 
  
  that they can no longer be themselves in your presence.
• 
  
  that they fear your reaction whenever they speak.
• 
  
  that they are stuck, that they cannot move in either direction, for fear of upsetting you.
• 
  
  It is also telling you that they need to stop this feeling that is tearing them apart.

Many of us are guilty for creating these prison bars that surround our loved ones.

We do not even realize that our own fears are doing this to them. We are so caught up in our own self doubts that we are blind to the world that we have created for them.

Through our own fears we hear what they say in all the wrong languages. We interpret them through our weaknesses and turn what they say all upside down.

Some of us react irrationally, forcing our partner to either take cover and hide or even worse become irrational themselves. This is when we both become deaf and blind. When the relationship war begins, there are no winners, only victims. What once was love, kisses and smiles has turned into an ugly vicious battle ground of snarls, hate, and searching for the lowest hit we can aim for. Wow, how does this happen so fast? We as humans are notorious for ruining so many very good things out of pure bad habits.

No one wants to lose or be the one saying, "I am sorry" every five minutes, nor should a real relationship become a win/lose situation either. Who wants to walk on egg shells? Then again, no one wants to have to defend their every breathe to someone they thought loved them unconditionally and are committed to. Walking on egg shells sucks!

If we cannot be ourselves with the one we love, then who can we be that with? This is not to say that a person should disrespect the other. When you know that something troubles the other person or makes them feel truly uncomfortable, it should go without saying that it is just not done. That is true respect. Why would you want to do something to hurt your best friend or even make your loved one feel out of place?

In new relationships it does take time to get things organized as in any new situation. Moving into a new house, a new job, having a baby, or even planning a trip, we have to reorganize to accommodate our now lives. Committing to another person is just the beginning of the book. It is just the title. Now you have to write the story and yes, make a few corrections along the way on both parts, but the trick is to constantly compare each others notes. Remember this: staying on the same page is what your relationship is all about.

When we make a commitment to another person through love, we are taking on a responsibility to share our love and life with that person. We are silently telling them that we are now going to take in consideration their feelings as well as our own.

Your once single-self life has now become a two-self life. This does not mean that you stop breathing and living. It just means that you are now sharing your life with this chosen person. It opens up a whole new world of respect. Remember also that you cannot gain respect if you do not offer respect. Life becomes a definite two-way street when two hearts are involved. There are also two minds working in this relationship now; two minds that are of opposite genders, two minds that will collide now and then. This is not a bad thing. We need to have differences to add spice to our lives.

Be very careful of starting the "Poor Me", habit. This is another relationship red flag to watch for. Remember, walking on egg shells? If one partner becomes so caught up in their own worries and fails to share this with their partner, it will sneak in between you both and begin to build a very strong wall of negative habits. If you have read any of my other articles, you will know these negative habits well, jealousy, mistrust, low self-esteem all add up to total loneliness.

When your partner begins to feel they are slipping away from you, grab on and do not for a minute take that red flag for granted. Listen hard to their worries and love them more, not necessarily better. Just show more of your love. If they keep slipping away, then there is either nothing left to save or they need help outside of your relationship.

It is so important to know your partner. Only then can you realize when they are in trouble. Do not allow your relationship to become the wallpaper in your house. No one wants to be a wallflower. No one with any self-respect that is.

Another great phrase I hear all the time is, "Door Mat syndrome". Oh this is a very bad thing for couples to allow to take hold of their relationship. In many cases one partner has taken hold of it and falls into a control habit. This is something that plagues many relationships. When does one partner become the owner? I will use that word because it shows possession and control. This happens because it can. Some one has allowed this ownership to take place. STOP allowing this, please. A partnership, relationship, commitment, whatever you want to call it, is an EQUAL understanding of respect and love. There are no owners and no bosses. No one is above the other. Man should respect woman and vice-verse. This is a must in order to make a relationship strong enough to not allow negative habits any control.

When there are no negative habits, there is no walking on eggshells. How much more simpler can it get. We are an intelligent species, so let us act intelligent when we decide to commit to another person. This is two lives we are dealing with here, not just another Hollywood movie. We are all going to age and all of us are going to notice our body parts going south. Guess what, no one is above that law. When you have found a true love and are willing to invest your life with that person, please do not allow material things or negative fantasy ideals to come between you. It really is not worth it.

When you feel unsure of something or you feel negative emotions taking control of your mind, reach out to your partner. Don't walk on egg shells. Do not turn it into a war against your partner. Use all of your love to fight the negative relationship habits. Love is worth it. We all have our good and bad days. Some have more than others. So when it's a good day, then make it a really good day. Those are always remembered the longest. Don't walk on egg shells. We have to love ourselves first, then and only then can we love another!

DorothyL

http://www.womensselfesteem.com

Sex, women, men... Sex, orgasms, feelings... Sex, cunnilingus, fellatio...Cuddles!

If you are wondering what I am going to share with you tonight, then you are definitely in need of this article, especially after reading my teaser up there. I have shared many of my thoughts with you during the past few months. Mostly about females why`s and woe`s. I have had many men request that I give them more information on exactly what women like in the sex, and feelings department.

There are many sites out there that are about dating, relationships, how to score, how to win, and yet men are still looking for answers. Why is that? Maybe it`s because not every answer fits every women! That may be your first hint guys. We are all different, what works on one women will make another women slap your face with disgust. So I would think that a good thing to do is to just chat a bit with the lady and get to know the side of her that she is willing to show you. Hopefully you are smart enough to listen to her, and learn as she talks. Oh, and please save the checking out her boobs or her butt until after you have won the first battle.

I truly believe men are so quickly blinded by our physical protrusions (wink) that they immediately lose their focus at first base. Guys, the body parts are not going anywhere. Have some class and be patient. OK, enough about that very somber subject. I will leave that for another show, as they say.

Women's feelings, as most men have already experienced are nothing to joke about. Women are hormonal and sensitive creatures and at the same time very strong. Those three characteristics are nothing short of explosive. The beneficial side to these hard to deal with emotions is that women are just as equally passionate and loving toward the male gender. It is our passion that fuels our desires to be wanted by men. We send off certain signals that entice and attract men. Women know exactly how to win a mans heart. Remember, we are the more sensitive feeling being, of the two genders. We also deal with hormones that turn us into monsters one minute and little tiny babies in another. Our feelings are usually on the top of our skin. That's why we get hurt so much easier than men. We are child bearers, and that instinctively causes us to be more cautious and rely on our intuitions more than facts. So guys , please forgive us for being the more feeling human. Do not hate us for it, or get frustrated with us, but love us and know that for all the pain we share, we also share twice as much pleasure. That brings me to my next thought!

Sex, that is definitely a good thought not to mention a very fun act between men and women. Women love to be touched, and felt. She wants to feel your hands on her body. It is a very important physical connection that sends messages to her most intimate senses. When a man touches a woman's body, she feels wanted, she feels lusted, she feels craved, but most of all she feels SEXY! Her self-esteem will ROAR! That my dear sweet men, is exactly the point you want her at. You want her to feel SEXY!

Remember, we are all different. Educate yourself with our differences, respect that and you will achieve what you desire!

Women do vary with having their breasts touched and played with. This should be done gently at first, so to not turn her off.

Some women love a very passionate kiss. A passionate kiss can be an instant orgasm for some or just the beginning for others.

Women love to feel the sensation of your breathe on their skin. That will surely send her to a new level of sensations.

Women have very sensitive backs. A women's spine will tingle with the slightest touch of your finger tips.

Kiss her shoulders, please.

Kiss her belly!

Kiss her thighs, that is another very sweet spot for women! Kiss her between her legs! She will be warm already, anticipating the sensation of your tongue! It is a very sweet way to taste the women that you desire! She will feel that much more open to you, knowing that you want every part of her body!

Women`s bodies have so many sensations that it does take a bit more time to get them to orgasm. The more sensations that you can get a women to feel, the higher she will go into her orgasm zones. Spend time tasting her, never rush her. Also please do not wear out just one spot. Women know their good spots, ask her to tell you what feels good. Be patient though, women do have a harder time talking about sex. Listen to her moans, read her body language, feel her wetness. All these are signs being sent to you. That's a plus for you also. The more orgasmic a women feels, the more adventurous she will be when it is you she wants to devour.

Remember, to tell her how SEXY she is and how sweet she tastes! Let her know how good she feels to you. Let her know that she is driving you crazy. Women can be driven wild just by those comments during sex. When men are quiet during sex, women feel that they are not exciting or sexy. Women need to hear that men want them and want to please them. When women feel they are wanted, that in turn makes them want to please their man. HMMM! Where do you think my thoughts are going now?

On the flip side.... Women also love to please their men. They know that men crave fellatio, better know to most as ,"Blow-jobs". (Smilz) Yes guys we know, we know. Women search and read more that you know on just how to give their guy the best BJ. There are just as many books out there and sites on the Internet about that as there are about how to please a woman. My hint to all the women wondering out there is...PRACTICE!!!! Body language from your man is a must to watch for. Not all men are the same. Some men are more sensitive in some areas that others. Just as women are also on different levels of sensations when it comes to oral sex.

Another good tip ladies is your thoughts at the time of the Bj.

Think sex.

Think wet.

Think suction.

Think swallowing

Think warm.

Think HIM!!

Love him!!

But most of all suck him like you want it.

The more he feels that you are just absolutely crazy for it, the more intense it is for him. Do not be afraid of what you are doing. You cannot hurt him unless you bite. That's a NO! NO!.... DO NOT BITE or SCRAPE! :) Don`t be afraid to ask him how it feels, or if there is anything more you can do to please him.

I stress he wants to know that you are also enjoying this action as you want to know when he is doing you!

Communication, as in anything, is important in sex. It is after all, something that we want to enjoy with one another. Also we learn more about each other through sharing our physical desires. Ladies another very huge turn on for your man is when he sees you feel SEXY! When a man sees his woman sexy, confident and open to him, it will totally send him over the edge of lust for you. So lets get SEXY!!

When all is said and done, Cuddles is a biggie. We need to cuddle. It reassures us that everything was perfect. It's kind of like the icing on the cake. It bonds us on another level of communication. Some women and men have their best conversations when they cuddle. It is almost like a surrender of weapons.

Well these are my thoughts on this. I hope I have not offended anyone. I know this is a different subject than what you are use to reading. But I am human also, just like you. Also I wanted to show a little attitude of a different color for my readers.

Enjoy life and enjoy all of its benefits!

We only get one shot at it!

Men and Women are made to enjoy each other!

So just do it!

~D~

http://www.womensselfesteem.com

Even Pretty Girls Cry

As I was drying my hair, my brain started to work. (scary!!) I was thinking about a few comments that I had heard from guys here and there regarding, "Why Pretty Girls Cry". Of course I had to question them in order to get them to reveal their thoughts on the subject. I asked them a simple question- "Do you think that women that are pretty dislike other pretty women?" Hmmm, I received a lot of answers immediately, without any thought, seemingly. The answer that was the most popular was.."NO!!" I know so many women that are beautiful and the last thing that they would think about themselves, is exactly that. They cannot see what we see in them at all. They think every other women in the world has more to offer.

My next question was, "do you think that women constantly compare themselves to other woman?" This question took no time at all for them to answer. "Yes and no, they think that we (men) are comparing them to other women. And that's what gets them all weird". Additionally, "They think that we are lusting after them in our minds or wondering what they would look like naked. They compare themselves with other women, yes, but in more of a way to improve themselves for us. My girlfriend compares herself with women that do not even come close to her on a any scale and still finds reason to knock herself down".

Hmmm, I seem to be saying that a few times, but it's because women are so generalized. If one women is one way with one guy, he thinks all women are like that. When women generalize men, they call us male bashers, or feminists. What do we call guys that generalize us from their past experiences?

So whats up with the fact that pretty girls really do not look at themselves as pretty girls? Is it something from their past?. (seems like the bottom line for everything)

I, myself remember a guy asking me that exact question. "Why do all the pretty girls think they are ugly?". I shrugged. I really had no answer. I never put myself on that level, of being pretty that is, so I never really gave it any thought.

In all the research that I have been doing on this subject, I will tell you this, `beauty is in the eyes of the beholder`, nothing more, nothing less. If we look in the mirror and see no beauty, that is in our minds only. Not in our partners minds or a strangers mind. We are constantly supported by our spouses and we continualy mistrust their comments. Why? When are we going to start to see ourselves as a beautiful being? A UNIQUE being. A one and only being.

Ladies when you cross paths with another that you feel is way above you, for whatever reason, shoes, hair, dress, body, or just her smile, think this; she is also looking at you and seeing something in you that she lacks and would love to have.

Also, it's part of us, built into us, and born with it in our brain to compare.

Some will look for weakness or flaws in others just to make themselves feel good. That is a negative comparison. It is not a bad thing to want to be a better person. We just have to be very careful to not take it to an extreme that blinds others to our thoughts and intentions.

Men tend to automatically call us jealous when we reveal our thoughts, if another women is involved. Another mystery in my mind; Jeesh, we are not always that worried, OK. So get off your ego trip guys. Sometimes we are genuinely curious as to why we see and feel the vibes we get from you. Also as you read earlier, just maybe, we care and we want to improve ourselves. Maybe men should try and do that sometime. Then they will actually see where we are coming from.

Another thing I have noticed is that men are very good at making us believe that we are doing what they say. Why is that? Is it to win an argument and feel totally in control of our thoughts or is it that they themselves feel vulnerable at times and less than perfect to us. Men have told me that they do not look at other men and wish they were like them. Well duh! Would that not make them female? Why does everyone try so hard to give excuses to genders?. Why can't we just accept and appreciate each other for our differences? Why do we have to be so damn equal on everything?

Females are soft, sensual, sensitive, emotional, passionate, intelligent creatures. That's us, and we are tired of apologizing for how we were born. We work overtime trying to understand our male counterparts. We are what makes them tick. They are what make us tick. We want nothing more than to be their everything. What is so wrong with that? Men are strong, protective, sexual, and feeling beings.

Men and women together make a very nice song.

These are just my thoughts as you all know, so take them with a grain of salt. Has society totally confused what real people are all about, to the point that some do not even know they are pretty? That is a sad thought. Some may think that I have nothing good to say. Well I actually have a lot of good to say. I wish that life was a perfect world. It is not even close. My thoughts tend to deal with the real world and it is not all that great for some. One can not go up until they have gone all the way down.

We are all pretty in some ways. People think way to much about the outer physical appearance and I wish that I could meet the first person that started that negative seed. When did things get so out of proportion?

There are too many worries and too many unhappy women out there. If I can at least help one woman see how pretty she is, then my course is set. Ladies we are all a gift, one that is truly cherished by our loved ones. Never let that go neglected. Remember, you choose your thoughts. You are the pretty girl that your man wants, desires, and will spend the rest of his life with. It's who we are that makes us the perfect woman. Not just what we look like, because we are not always going to look the same. Everyone grows older and everyone changes their outward appearance. What does stay the same, is who we are inside. Our REAL person is what it's all about. I will end with this thought:

ONE ALWAYS THINKS OTHERS ARE HAPPIER!

DorothyL
womensselfesteem.com

TRUST....why is it so damn hard?

Trusting issues and jealousy basically go hand in hand.
When you do not trust in your own self as to how unique and important you are....you immediately feel less than and with that, insecurities rise up and jealousy is born. A true symptom of a lack of trust in yourself!
The only way to trust easily is to let yourself do so. It is easy once you understand why you are finding it so damn hard.

We are creatures of habit....habits are repetitive thoughts or actions that we fall into immediately because they are the last stored file in our thought patterns which that end up being in the forefront of our brain. What this means is that the last thought or reaction stored will be the first one used when your emotions begin to rise in either a negative or positive response.

Habits are something that I talk about all of the time.
'Habit' is a very small word which carries so much reality and control over our positive and negative reactions and thoughts. The word 'habit' is also difficult to accept as what causes people to stay stuck in jealousy or insecure emotional traps.
It takes at least 14 days to break a habit, according to the latest researchers. Now when I say that, I mean 14 days of consistent behavior, repeated over and over on the same subject matter.
That is why breaking an emotional habit is difficult. We do not run into fears and threats in a consistent manner.
We basically have to discipline ourselves into a self-talk therapy every day whether we are actually challenged with one of our fears or not. In doing this we must be prepared for 14 days of feeling very much on an emotional roller-coaster. This is exactly why so many people go to therapists for support in breaking negative emotional habits. It is not a simple task.
Silly analogy here but it seems to fit...think of a habit as pulling an end of a plastic electrical tie through its lock and then trying to pull it back. A very tough thing to accomplish, unless you work at it and stay committed to see it through to the end. It is not impossible but it is very challenging for most people.

We are still searching for the answers to questions such as....
Why is it so damn hard to trust?
Why is it so hard to feel good about yourself and your relationship any time and anywhere?

It is more so that, somewhere along the line you have fallen into a belief that you are not worthy of that relationship and you are in fear that at any second someone else will take over and replace you. Hence a low self-esteem or self-worth!

Trust is not about what another person may or may not do to you or that they observe another.

It is about:
- how safe you feel, being who you are.
- why you put yourself down.
- why you instantly compare yourself to another.
- why you feel the need immediately find a flaw in another that you feel threatened by.
- why your insides tighten and twist so that you find it hard to breathe at times.
- why you cannot accept a compliment at face value.
-why you look in the mirror and hate who you see.

Trust is all about YOU!

In order to battle and overcome one's insecurities in life,:
-you must feel secure in who they are and accept who you are.
-you must stop wanting to change what you cannot.
-you must learn to appreciate every little thing about who you are.
-you must focus on loving who you are.
-you must want to be happy about who you are.
-you must realize that every second that you dwell on unhappy thoughts...is life being wasted.
-you must learn that trust inside of you>

To be able to trust another and feel secure in a relationship...you must accept you, right now, this second.
Accepting who you are and allowing that thought to determine your life will in turn give you peace of mind.
You cannot control what another person is going to do, so why waste another second trying to through your own thoughts.
Accept that you are you and your partner is your partner.

Here are two very good thoughts to keep as your daily inspirations..

"To be Wronged is Nothing unless You continue to Remember It!"
"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are!"

Remember...trust comes from within your own thoughts and self-acceptance.
Strengthen those and your life will be what it is meant to be and that is free of chaos and doubt!!

DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com