Control....

...exactly who is controlling who?

I have a few questions that will most definitely stir up some deep inner thoughts! They will also give you an idea of just how controlling your relationship is or could be. No one likes to be in a relationship where they feel controlled by their partner, it is very unhealthy and usually ends up being very unhappy. There truly is a fine line between love and hate when there is a controlling partner in the relationship. The only person that we have any right to control is ourselves!

Life is too short to settle for anything especially when it comes to relationships. There is way to much to risk when it comes to matters of the heart. For warned is for armed...I have always believed that fact to be very true. Relationships are one of the most valued parts of our lives and we invest a lot of our minds and souls into them. So why would you not want to be 100% prepared before you take that initial step into waters that could be so treacherous and overwhelming?

How many people fall for another instantly because of looks or a social atmosphere at the time? Too many.

So to have a list of questions to ponder will not only awaken what is going on in your relationship right now, but they will also be very effective in preparing you for what you should not ignore or settle with in your future relationships.

These questions are designed to challenge your.......

Walking On Eggshells!

Has anyone ever told you, that's how they feel around you?

If they have, it's a huge red flag and one that should not be ignored. It needs to be dealt with immediately.

Our self-esteem is vital when we are in any type of relationship. Without a healthy self-esteem and self-confidence we will not be able to see our beauty as our partner does. Without that sight we will be blinded by every other women out there, seeing only their beauty. This is when the doubts and fears take over our thoughts and this is when jealousy is born and the eggshell syndrome begins!

Relationships are a tough challenging part of our lives. Especially when dealing with matters of the heart. As truly good as they make you feel, they can in turn tear you apart from the inside in a heartbeat. When the red flags start to rise up, that's when your relationship

is crying out for help. You need to address it, as if a baby was crying out to you.

When someone says they feel like they are walking on egg shells, what is that telling you? It's telling you :

• 
  
  that they can no longer be themselves in your presence.
• 
  
  that they fear your reaction whenever they speak.
• 
  
  that they are stuck, that they cannot move in either direction, for fear of upsetting you.
• 
  
  It is also telling you that they need to stop this feeling that is tearing them apart.

Many of us are guilty for creating these prison bars that surround our loved ones.

We do not even realize that our own fears are doing this to them. We are so caught up in our own self doubts that we are blind to the world that we have created for them.

Through our own fears we hear what they say in all the wrong languages. We interpret them through our weaknesses and turn what they say all upside down.

Some of us react irrationally, forcing our partner to either take cover and hide or even worse become irrational themselves. This is when we both become deaf and blind. When the relationship war begins, there are no winners, only victims. What once was love, kisses and smiles has turned into an ugly vicious battle ground of snarls, hate, and searching for the lowest hit we can aim for. Wow, how does this happen so fast? We as humans are notorious for ruining so many very good things out of pure bad habits.

No one wants to lose or be the one saying, "I am sorry" every five minutes, nor should a real relationship become a win/lose situation either. Who wants to walk on egg shells? Then again, no one wants to have to defend their every breathe to someone they thought loved them unconditionally and are committed to. Walking on egg shells sucks!

If we cannot be ourselves with the one we love, then who can we be that with? This is not to say that a person should disrespect the other. When you know that something troubles the other person or makes them feel truly uncomfortable, it should go without saying that it is just not done. That is true respect. Why would you want to do something to hurt your best friend or even make your loved one feel out of place?

In new relationships it does take time to get things organized as in any new situation. Moving into a new house, a new job, having a baby, or even planning a trip, we have to reorganize to accommodate our now lives. Committing to another person is just the beginning of the book. It is just the title. Now you have to write the story and yes, make a few corrections along the way on both parts, but the trick is to constantly compare each others notes. Remember this: staying on the same page is what your relationship is all about.

When we make a commitment to another person through love, we are taking on a responsibility to share our love and life with that person. We are silently telling them that we are now going to take in consideration their feelings as well as our own.

Your once single-self life has now become a two-self life. This does not mean that you stop breathing and living. It just means that you are now sharing your life with this chosen person. It opens up a whole new world of respect. Remember also that you cannot gain respect if you do not offer respect. Life becomes a definite two-way street when two hearts are involved. There are also two minds working in this relationship now; two minds that are of opposite genders, two minds that will collide now and then. This is not a bad thing. We need to have differences to add spice to our lives.

Be very careful of starting the "Poor Me", habit. This is another relationship red flag to watch for. Remember, walking on egg shells? If one partner becomes so caught up in their own worries and fails to share this with their partner, it will sneak in between you both and begin to build a very strong wall of negative habits. If you have read any of my other articles, you will know these negative habits well, jealousy, mistrust, low self-esteem all add up to total loneliness.

When your partner begins to feel they are slipping away from you, grab on and do not for a minute take that red flag for granted. Listen hard to their worries and love them more, not necessarily better. Just show more of your love. If they keep slipping away, then there is either nothing left to save or they need help outside of your relationship.

It is so important to know your partner. Only then can you realize when they are in trouble. Do not allow your relationship to become the wallpaper in your house. No one wants to be a wallflower. No one with any self-respect that is.

Another great phrase I hear all the time is, "Door Mat syndrome". Oh this is a very bad thing for couples to allow to take hold of their relationship. In many cases one partner has taken hold of it and falls into a control habit. This is something that plagues many relationships. When does one partner become the owner? I will use that word because it shows possession and control. This happens because it can. Some one has allowed this ownership to take place. STOP allowing this, please. A partnership, relationship, commitment, whatever you want to call it, is an EQUAL understanding of respect and love. There are no owners and no bosses. No one is above the other. Man should respect woman and vice-verse. This is a must in order to make a relationship strong enough to not allow negative habits any control.

When there are no negative habits, there is no walking on eggshells. How much more simpler can it get. We are an intelligent species, so let us act intelligent when we decide to commit to another person. This is two lives we are dealing with here, not just another Hollywood movie. We are all going to age and all of us are going to notice our body parts going south. Guess what, no one is above that law. When you have found a true love and are willing to invest your life with that person, please do not allow material things or negative fantasy ideals to come between you. It really is not worth it.

When you feel unsure of something or you feel negative emotions taking control of your mind, reach out to your partner. Don't walk on egg shells. Do not turn it into a war against your partner. Use all of your love to fight the negative relationship habits. Love is worth it. We all have our good and bad days. Some have more than others. So when it's a good day, then make it a really good day. Those are always remembered the longest. Don't walk on egg shells. We have to love ourselves first, then and only then can we love another!

DorothyL

http://www.womensselfesteem.com

Quick Fix es & Low Self-esteem

There are so many reasons for ones self-esteem to be weak and hard to rebuild. We have our parents way of raising us, peer pressure at school, pressures at our work place that expect us to succeed with speed of light, society`s view on the perfect person and body type, our children's expectations of a perfect parent and last but not least our partners wants and desires.

All of these are strong contributors in knocking our self-esteem around until we can barely find a hope to hang onto. Now we are at the bottom of our pit of weakness and we begin the search to survive. The search may be through a therapist, reading tons of articles or books, searching the Internet for a site that will answer all our problems in a heart beat, only to find that we are right back at square one in the first challenge to our strength.

Why is that? Why can we not find that quick fix we all look for? Why do we have to work at it? Why do we have to wait for it? Why is it not as simple as fixing ones computer or car? Why is it when I think about my past and I fill in the blanks with all the people that I have to blame for my low self-esteem, I am still weak and frustrated? Why is it when I have one good day and feel on top of the world, does it come crashing down the next? Why is it that when I read self-esteem articles they sound so convincing at that minute, but then again, I fall back into my rut? Why, when I go into self-esteem sites, do they charge for e-books and when I finally read them, they sound like everything else that I have read, or have thought of myself? Why does low self-esteem not happen to everyone? Why can`t I just wake up and feel good about myself?

Questions! Questions!

I have a real hard truth for you. The answer to almost every question that you have just read is YOU! You are the answer to every thought that runs through your mind. The reason that so many factors can be contributors to ones low self-esteem, is because YOU have learned to allow it. Some where in your life, somehow, you allowed your self-esteem to be put down and it really is as simple as that.

We all know that to be human is to naturally error at some point, even many points in our lives. This will also explain why a select number have fallen into the pit of low self-esteem. Everyone chooses different errors, so for the many of us that have allowed our self-esteem to be weakened we are now faced with how to strengthen it.

Again I go back to YOU, it is up to you. I can write 1000 articles and even build you a bridge with lights and arrows and signs to show you the way, but if YOU do not take that first step, then YOU will never find the answers. In order for you to battle all of the contributors that I have mentioned earlier, you need to strengthen your self-worth. You must know and feel that you are just as good as any other human being on this earth. I do not care what others may say about you or to you. If you know deep inside of you that you are their equal, then nothing they say can or ever will hurt your self-esteem.We have all had to bear the scars that we received through our lives, and we all have to learn to put them in the past. What was, is exactly that; past tense, gone. There is really nothing that we can do to change where we came from or what our challenges have been. What we need to focus on is right here and right now. This being the present YOU!

There are websites out there and many therapist that are selling you promises of quick fixes for cash. There are tons of books and e-books, all telling you how to create a new you. Just by the amount of women coming into my site, I can tell that none of these are working for them. Again the reason is YOU!

I can buy you the most expensive car in the world, but unless you can drive it, it is worthless to you. So learn to drive it, learn to rebuild your self-esteem. Do not wait for someone to offer you a gift. You have already been given that gift at birth. I have spoken of the gift of life and how so many of us abuse that gift. Allowing contributors to stomp on your thoughts of who you are is a total neglect to your gift of life.

Your self-esteem has taken a long time to fall weak. It does not happen over night. A heart attack rarely happens overnight. There are many contributing factors that set it up for the initial attack. Once a person has survived a heart attack, they have to work very hard and it takes a long time to rehab back to health and maybe, if they are lucky enough, they will reach half of their actual strength. Your self-esteem will take time and energy to rebuild. You must commit to yourself that you will work very hard to maintain a good feeling about YOU!

It is not hard, but it does take persistence and self discipline. If you do not care about yourself, then you will fail every time. That is a fact.
If you honestly want to find that good feeling about you again, then you can get back there. I say back there, because we were all happy when we were first born and somewhere along that life line, we lost our feeling of goodness. Being lost is a good thing because it means that it is not totally gone, just misplaced.
So together we can find that YOU that was so secure and safe just being YOU. Once you have reached that commitment then you will start to fall in love with yourself again.

You will look for and appreciate all of the little things that make you who you are, such as:
-the color of your hair and eyes -the shape of your ears, and your nose -the way your smile shows your teeth -the laugh lines that only you have when you smile -the birth mark that no one else has -the way you walk -the sound of your voice -your own very personnel laugh -how you feel when someone hugs you -how you smell -your little personality quirks but most of all - how you feel about you. This positive feeling will give you an internal glow of confidence!
These are things that make you special and set you apart from all the other people in the world. People that are no better than you. Different yes, better? Not a chance, unless of course you ALLOW yourself to think that way.

Just because you cannot control or fix everything around you, it has no bearing on who you are and how you feel about yourself unless you ALLOW it to.

Just because somewhere way back in your past, someone told you that you were not as good as someone else, does not mean you are not. It only means that, if you ALLOW it to mean that.

Just because your boss thinks that you should be farther up that corporate ladder, it does not make you a lesser person unless you ALLOW it to.

Just because there are younger, thinner, more educated, richer, taller, or even double jointed people out there, that does not make you less than them, unless you ALLOW it to.

Just because you might be having a bad day does not mean that you have to make it 2 bad days, unless you ALLOW it to.

Just because you spend hundreds of dollars trying to find quick self-esteem fixes and fail, this does not mean you should give up unless of course you ALLOW yourself too.

Can you see a pattern here yet?
Can you see how YOU are the operative factor here?
Can you see how YOU alone are in control of what and who you ALLOW into your thought control?

Remember who the most important person in your life is...it is YOU!
Never...ever....ever....ever let anyone take that away from you!

~D~

JEALOUSY!

THE TRUTH ABOUT JEALOUSY!
Click for audio of this article

This article will not take up too much of your time, but will be very helpful in your daily life. What you are going to read is important in regards to the very controlling and confusing issue that so many women are challenged with every day, for some every single minute of their day. In this particular part of the jealousy series, you will learn what jealousy feels like and just how serious and captivating an emotion it can be. The next article will talk more about dealing with jealousy and how one can actually get control of it.

In the next few minutes you will learn what and how a woman feels when she is stuck in this very real and controlling jealous emotion.

It has been proven that many women are not even able to identify this confusion of thoughts that they are suffering from. A very big part of healing and winning these battles of jealousy is in identifying your enemy. In this situation the enemy is the jealous emotion that results from a much deeper issue that may or may not be obvious to its victim. You will hear more about that in a bit.

Through research and in speaking with many women every day through the womensselfesteem.com, jealousy seems to be a very big issue that has them in such a downward spiral that they cannot find a way to get hold of it.

One of the main causes for this negative emotion, "jealousy" stems from a time in a persons life when an emotional wound is created, which severely attacks their safe world or in other words their feelings of inner securities. These insecurities will seriously affect a woman’s self-esteem, which will in turn result in feelings of low self-worth, lack of a self-respect, and mistrust. These emotional wounds can be caused from several types of abuse or trauma such as, physical, psychological or an over-restrictive/dominated childhood. If a child is sexually abused, then that child's security is threatened through the fact that she trusted the abuser and almost always grows up feeling that they were at fault for the abuse. This also rings true in an adult life, especially if the victim truly trusts and sees her abuser as almost," God" like. When a child is psychologically abused, they usually live a life of demeaning name calling or belittling, again this does happen to adults in a trusting relationship. The over-restrictive or dominating upbringing begins at an early childhood and then follows through into adulthood. Each and every one of these abuses that you have just have just heard about are definite cuts that eventually turn into deep emotional wounds.

These wounds will send a person into a prison, a prison of fear and weakness that they will carry throughout their lives if they do not learn to identify them and deal with them and strengthen their inner self. So many women search for answers to solve this scrambled up problem that they can feel inside of themselves, always coming up with a 0. They tend to look outside of themselves and that is the mistake that they are making. So many jealousy issues come from within.

The human brain is set up of two minds, which allows two ways of thinking, one being positive and one being negative. Unfortunately if a person is somehow mistreated or loses a trust as you have heard about earlier through my thoughts, at any time in their lives, it tends to weaken their ability to maintain a balance between the two. This is when they will fall prey to certain triggers that will ignite the fuse that leads to jealousy. You may be wondering what triggers are, they can be anything from a memory of your past, a smell, a persons laughter, a picture, another women, a feeling of being left alone, or even a look from a partner. There are many different types of triggers that will set off negative emotions. In this series of articles you will learn about relationship triggers and how they set off your jealous emotions.

Negative relationship triggers are definite causes, which happen when a relationship fails due to mistrust issues caused by infidelities or pornography addictions by a present or past partner, and are left unresolved, which unfortunately will follow them into every relationship, if she does not stop and take hold of her issues.

Jealousy is not just a word that can be ignored or excused. It is a word to be feared because it is fear that creates this negative feeling. Have you ever noticed how jealousy changes your relationship from happy to devastate in just seconds? It will feel like something that you would not wish on your worst enemy.

The negative emotions that are hidden behind this word jealousy will tear your trust apart letter by letter, and rearrange it until it spells deception, betrayal, even hate. Theses words will turn you into a paranoid living creature, hiding from reality. Reality is truly jealousy’s enemy. It avoids its enemy as quickly as it replaces the positive thoughts that you once had in its place. It is strong enough to take control of your mind and direct it into thinking that someone you dearly trust and love has turned into another being, a being that is cheating on you, lusting for another, watching pornography behind your back, lying to you when you ask a direct question, twisting everything you say so that you come out looking like you are delirious and they will laugh at you when you cry out for help. It will tear your guts apart until you feel like you are going to vomit and it will make your head swirl with uncertainty. Jealousy can speed up your breathing quicker than a exercise machine, which in turn will send your heart racing into turmoil. It is a total body trauma. It can make your body break out into a sweat so fast that it will make rain look slow. If you have ever had even one minute of these threatening feelings, you know exactly what I am trying to explain here.

This negative emotion will make your mind fear abandonment, ones biggest fear in a relationship are to be replaced or abandoned. This fear alone is a very strong trigger of jealousy. This fear will imprison you and force you to suffocate or guard what’s yours, until that person can no longer be a victim to your jealousy. It will drive you to feel a deep need to control another’s thoughts and actions. To allow jealousy in your mind to the point of this kind of control, is to fall victim to an,” attachment prison” or an addiction. In this attachment prison you are the weaker element of the partnership or relationship, your need to feel attached will ruin your sense of security and your self-esteem. A very good example of an attachment prison is when you fear with all of your senses to let your partner out of your site, not even to go to the corner store or to work for fear he may see someone that you would deem as a total threat.

Jealousy is like a drug. Once it gets into your veins, you are no longer coherent or independent in your thinking. You have now just become a dependent thinker, dependent on jealousy and its power. To have such a need is also equivalent to an addict needing a drug. Your addiction is your jealousy, your high is the adrenalin that your body creates through its fears, only this is not positive adrenalin; it is a pure negative adrenalin rush. The only antidote to combat this addiction is through positive steps that will strengthen your ability to take back your control and find a freedom from that attachment prison.

Jealousy will not rest until through you, it has created a frustrating and unbearable environment that puts you in the position in your relationship as your own worst enemy. In effect you become the attacker that you have been trying to run from. You are now jealousy! You are the cause of this turmoil that is being thrown to your outside world; an outside world that cannot possibly feel your pain; nor can they help you escape it. But they will look down on you in their confusion. You are all alone in this prison. You are the only one that can feel this pain, the only one that feels this need to control and hide from the world. You will find yourself being driven by negative thoughts every turn you make.

Have you ever been on a negative thought rollercoaster? If you ever have, you will understand what I mean when I say negative thoughts; negative thoughts that will not let you think rationally. If anything, they will work very hard at confusing your positive thinking. You will spend countless hours talking to yourself trying to get out of insecure feelings and you will end up right back feeling the same negative control that jealousy has over you.

Jealousy will rob you of sleep hour after hour. When your mind cannot sleep, it becomes weak and that is exactly what strengthens the negative thoughts that will feed jealousy and keep it controlling you. These thoughts will turn over in your head until they are locked into a place of negative non realities. This is when you begin to believe in things which seem surreal. An example of this non reality is, let’s say, you’re walking past your partner as he is watching television. A commercial is on. There is a young scantily dressed woman on the commercial. Your immediate reaction is fear. You fear that at that very minute he is lusting her or worse, wishing you were her. As I said non- real negative thoughts = jealousy.

This negative emotion is extremely careful to not allow your self-esteem to strengthen. It will turn your thoughts into a comparison mode instantly when it feels threatened. When it can put your mind into doubt of it’s worth, it has total control. It will continue to control and force thoughts of being undeserving, not worthy, unintelligent, boring, self-less, non-appealing, even just plain ugly. It is a true negative powerful and destructive emotion that will not only control your thoughts but will also alter your desire to love. It will make you hide in safe, loveless corners and never allow another person into your heart. To allow a person into your heart would mean that you would be putting yourself at risk of falling victim to jealousy and all the horror that it creates and feeds on. So, you at this stage begin to set up protective walls, separating you from ever being hurt, but also putting a wedge in between you and your partner. Your choice, if you choose to stay in negative thinking, is to live a life alone.

When you have allowed it to weaken your thoughts to the point of delusional thinking, your mind will only see what will feed this negative emotion. All of your rational characteristics will be taken over by irrational thoughts and reactions. Everything that you thought you could control is now uncontrollable. Nothing is what it seems, while this jealousy emotion has you imprisoned behind its bars of negative and low self-worth thoughts.

I truly believe that being controlled by jealousy is similar to being in captivity. Your mind will get so conformed to that space that you’re allowing, that you will learn to depend on it. You will feel safe only in that space. All of your knowledge of what’s outside of that captive space has been hidden away into a very dark deep place in your mind. It is all you feel that you can control, not even realizing how little control you do have; again equivalent to an addiction.

What captivity and jealousy have in common is that once you allow your mind to be controlled or captivated by the overpowering emotion: jealousy, your mind will react as it would in a captive situation. Both jealousy and captivity hold your mind and reshape it to conform to its negative demands. A person in captivity eventually starts to depend on the person that’s holding them captive. You start to depend on the feelings that you’re getting from being captive by your jealous emotion. Jealousy becomes you, and you become jealousy. Together the duo team that you have allowed to control your thoughts will now destroy anything that is real. You will now live together in an unreal negative world of deception.

You will live and breathe the feelings of fear, worry and deception. You will not rest one single minute. Your mind will constantly be filled with disorder and accusations and,” what ifs”. At this point your ability to trust and feel secure with your partner will no longer be available to your mind, to your negative mind that is; the negative mind that you have allowed to take place of your once positive mind. Your innate desire to protect you and your reason for being are now at risk in your mind. You need to control everything and everything about your partner, right down to his every move. You need to take ownership in order to feel safe. With this control, then and only then can you feel safe from jealousy? Again the,” attachment prison” takes over. This prison created by jealousy to keep you in its power and control. You’re first breathing thoughts are livelihood and your future are based on attachment and acceptance. To lose that would be like dying a very slow death. Under the control of jealousy and its attachment prison you will fight to survive at any cost. You will be on guard even in your sleep, to notice even the simplest sign of abandonment or loss. Hence, the sleepless nights, haunted by the enemy: jealousy, captivated by the attachment prison again.

This is what you already know of jealousy. It is not fun. It is not a happy place. It is however very destructive and it will destroy your life if you continue to allow it to control your thoughts. As I mentioned earlier in this article, your mind has two sides, one being negative and one being positive. You have the ability to choose.

I have brought this part of the jealousy series to you because of how important it is to identify with the truth of jealousy. It is as real as you are sitting there listening to this. There is a way out and a way to free your mind of this prison of negative thoughts. Through my next article on “The Truth of Jealousy”, you will learn steps and strategies that will help to strengthen your mind so that you may win the battle of negative thinking.

~D~

The UGLY Return of Jealousy and Low Self-esteem

Jealousy and ones feelings of low self-esteem seems to have become a widespread issue for so many women these days. It is not that women are just beginning to suffer from these horrible confining emotions, it is more that women are finally seeking ways to overcome them.

But overcoming them is just the first step, then we must learn to stay the course and be ready for their ugly return, because they will return. It is like any negative trauma that our minds experience. The memory of the trauma never goes away, it is that we learn to put it in a safe place. If we allow this memory to gain strength and return, it will.

Jealousy and low self-esteem will attack ones mind to the point of damaging it in the same way a death of a loved one or a severe shock will. I kid you not there, if you have ever in your life felt any of these negative emotions, you will agree with that.

Jealousy and low self-esteem are very strong negative feelings and they will control your every breathe. Negative feelings that will scar your world and your memory.

They will confine you into a room with all the blinds pulled down and the doors locked.

They will not stop until your fears have you totally convinced that you have to lock your partner away so that none can threaten his thoughts.

They will play mind games with you which I refer to as,"Mind trickery" a few times in this article.

Mind Trickery is when your positive and negative thoughts battle to control your actions and reactions to certain situations.

Here is an example of mind trickery:

You will have days where you will feel that you have finally beat those weaknesses and negative feelings.

You will feel so proud of yourself.

You will feel like you can do this and that you have done it.

You will walk into the world with your self-esteem glowing and your medal of first place in the race against jealousy shining.

You will actually be happy for a change.

You will be so tricked into thinking that you have finally battled and beat the negative side of your mind that you will drop your defenses and literally walk naked.

Then it will happen, mind trickery at its best.

The negative feelings will attack.

They will attack when you least expect it.

This is what mind trickery is about.

Jealousy and low self-esteem have won in the battle of mind trickery.

You underestimated your own thoughts again.

So now what?

Do you allow them to once again traumatize your life and paralyze your happiness?

or do you fight harder than you have ever fought before to keep them where they are secured?

Then even when you may have succeeded in that, you will be faced with your own feelings of disappointment in allowing your mind to fall victim to the destruction of negative feelings. Again you will need strength to over come those self destructing feelings of negativism.

Here is a scenario to show you how the return of those negative feelings work. It is again up to you to not allow them to win their attempts to return.

---

You have just walked into a restaurant with your partner feeling on top of the game, its been so long since your negative feelings have taken you down that you have totally left your guard open for attack.

You spot the threat, you immediately feel a shot go directly through your stomach.

You feel yourself losing the ability to maintain a steady breathe.

Your strength is weakening so fast that you feel the return of the old panic.

You immediately want to retaliate as you have done so many times in the past with snide remarks and confrontation, but you recognize that those reactions only made you weaker in the past so you fight them.

You take control of what little strength you have left and you scream out for any positive thought that you can find.

You feel it subside just a bit.

You don`t allow the negative feelings to override your positive thoughts.

You will not be able to completely escape the negative feelings.

You will definitely feel your self-esteem fall.

Those inner thoughts of how you are," not as pretty or good", as that of the threat you have just walked into, are back.

You are there, you have fallen, your body begins to shrink, you want to disappear from your partners eyes before he can pick up on those feelings, feelings that he will surely not be happy to see return.

Your mind is now in a full battle of negative against positive thoughts.

Your head feels like it is going to erupt.

Your body starts to tremble as you struggle to maintain even the smallest positive thought.

You will feel the need for some outside help from your partner, just one word, or one touch to support your importance to him.

You realize that this is yet another negative feeling trying to gain on your positive side.

For him to have to do that, will only make you weaken again the next time.

You must do this yourself.

All alone, you must fight this battle in your mind.

You must continue to fight for your positive thoughts to get stronger.

You begin to make silly conversation if you have to.

You even make a funny face in your mind to make yourself laugh.

You redirect your thoughts until you finally have found an opening for your positive thoughts to get in and take over.

You feel your body begin to calm, your breathing begins to steady and you feel total control over your negative thoughts.

You have won this battle of return.

You have taken control over the mind trickery and returned those negative feelings back to a safe place.

Now you have to deal with your own disappointment of thinking that you would never be back in that weak position again.

A position of feeling your self-esteem trampled on and the feelings of needing to hide from the world in order to protect yourself.

You can do this, it is natural to feel disappointment, even good to a certain degree. In feeling disappointment in yourself, it acknowledges that your awareness is stronger and your ability to battle," The UGLY Return of Jealousy and Low Self-esteem", is also stronger.

Negative thoughts are what will bring you down, and you will feel that you will never be able to get up again.

Fear not, your mind will defend itself to protect you and will help you find the positive thoughts that you need to maintain a happy balance of thinking. Just do not fall into the habit of the negative rut. The longer you allow the negative feelings to stay with you, the longer you will be in that rut.

Happiness is something you should fight for, it is the feeling that you want, it will also help strengthen your positive thoughts. So be happy!!!!

~D~

TRUST....why is it so damn hard?

Trusting issues and jealousy basically go hand in hand.
When you do not trust in your own self as to how unique and important you are....you immediately feel less than and with that, insecurities rise up and jealousy is born. A true symptom of a lack of trust in yourself!
The only way to trust easily is to let yourself do so. It is easy once you understand why you are finding it so damn hard.

We are creatures of habit....habits are repetitive thoughts or actions that we fall into immediately because they are the last stored file in our thought patterns which that end up being in the forefront of our brain. What this means is that the last thought or reaction stored will be the first one used when your emotions begin to rise in either a negative or positive response.

Habits are something that I talk about all of the time.
'Habit' is a very small word which carries so much reality and control over our positive and negative reactions and thoughts. The word 'habit' is also difficult to accept as what causes people to stay stuck in jealousy or insecure emotional traps.
It takes at least 14 days to break a habit, according to the latest researchers. Now when I say that, I mean 14 days of consistent behavior, repeated over and over on the same subject matter.
That is why breaking an emotional habit is difficult. We do not run into fears and threats in a consistent manner.
We basically have to discipline ourselves into a self-talk therapy every day whether we are actually challenged with one of our fears or not. In doing this we must be prepared for 14 days of feeling very much on an emotional roller-coaster. This is exactly why so many people go to therapists for support in breaking negative emotional habits. It is not a simple task.
Silly analogy here but it seems to fit...think of a habit as pulling an end of a plastic electrical tie through its lock and then trying to pull it back. A very tough thing to accomplish, unless you work at it and stay committed to see it through to the end. It is not impossible but it is very challenging for most people.

We are still searching for the answers to questions such as....
Why is it so damn hard to trust?
Why is it so hard to feel good about yourself and your relationship any time and anywhere?

It is more so that, somewhere along the line you have fallen into a belief that you are not worthy of that relationship and you are in fear that at any second someone else will take over and replace you. Hence a low self-esteem or self-worth!

Trust is not about what another person may or may not do to you or that they observe another.

It is about:
- how safe you feel, being who you are.
- why you put yourself down.
- why you instantly compare yourself to another.
- why you feel the need immediately find a flaw in another that you feel threatened by.
- why your insides tighten and twist so that you find it hard to breathe at times.
- why you cannot accept a compliment at face value.
-why you look in the mirror and hate who you see.

Trust is all about YOU!

In order to battle and overcome one's insecurities in life,:
-you must feel secure in who they are and accept who you are.
-you must stop wanting to change what you cannot.
-you must learn to appreciate every little thing about who you are.
-you must focus on loving who you are.
-you must want to be happy about who you are.
-you must realize that every second that you dwell on unhappy thoughts...is life being wasted.
-you must learn that trust inside of you>

To be able to trust another and feel secure in a relationship...you must accept you, right now, this second.
Accepting who you are and allowing that thought to determine your life will in turn give you peace of mind.
You cannot control what another person is going to do, so why waste another second trying to through your own thoughts.
Accept that you are you and your partner is your partner.

Here are two very good thoughts to keep as your daily inspirations..

"To be Wronged is Nothing unless You continue to Remember It!"
"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are!"

Remember...trust comes from within your own thoughts and self-acceptance.
Strengthen those and your life will be what it is meant to be and that is free of chaos and doubt!!

DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com