Men~Women~Sex

A very good blogging friend has asked me to submit a guest post to his blog....

I finally managed to get around to it...

  you may read it here....

~D~

Relationships & Roller-coaster Rides!

Up..down, a quick around, a sharp turn left, a sharp turn right, traveling blindly into a tunnel ahead, leading to an instant dead drop...this is a vague, but direct description of two things we experience in life.

One being on a roller-coaster ride the other being in a relationship.

Both rides clearly have a beginning and an ending...yet are still somewhat unpredictable and uncontrollable, this is why they are so hard to resist and so innately tempting to our psyche.

Both rides deliver a chemical reaction that is so addictive and irresistible to our adrenaline, that no matter how scary or unpleasant it seems at times, we continue to return for more.

Neither can offer security or promise, they do however offer the thrill of the unknown, the desire to fulfill a dare or a fantasy and most of all the ability to overcome certain challenges we face through nature and our own subconscious weakness known as 'fear'.

Relationships and roller-coaster rides can be extreme experiences in life. The need for your own balance and inner strength to be able to deal with its twists and turns is vital to the outcome of the ride. If you are too weak, you will loose control and all self-stability in your life. If you are too strong and have no fear whatsoever...your taking the ride for granted, your letting your guard down and without warning, you will end up shocked when it ends unexpectedly.

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Does the attraction of opposites last?

I have often thought about which couple characteristics actually are the most successful in making a happily ever type relationship.

I have heard so many times that opposites attract...what does that mean to you?

To me that statement means that opposites and /or indifference will most definitely attract...but that does not say that those characteristics will last. More than not those same attraction characteristics will be the downfall of a relationship. Possibly if one of the partners is very understanding and patient...the relationship might have a chance.

There are so many different types of couples......

Some couples are almost clones of each other in personality and desires. Others are totally opposite from each other in those same respects.

Some people meet in high school and stay together forever...while others spend many years alone until they finally meet the person they choose to spend the rest of their life with.

Couples that have married because of an unexpected pregnancy or in more redneck terms...the shotgun wedding!

There is the couple which has a master and a servant.

There are also those people who are born in a more traditional country and are involved in arranged marriages.  Do any of them ever truly fall in love?

Then we have those who go through several relationships before finally finding Mr./Mrs right

Last of all... we have the people that never seem to find that right one.

So tell me....which one are you?

~D~

To Love or not To Love..

To Love....

Oh to fall in love.... The feelings one experiences when falling in love..are not only completely consuming and captivating, they are also amazingly surreal, euphoric, passionate, and oh so full of anticipation and newness that there is no escape. You become imprisoned to these overwhelming feelings that trap your mind, heart and body on this merry-go-round of what seems to be a promise of eternal happiness.

When that love is lost for whatever reason, every one of those positive feelings turns swiftly into the total opposite, which can be the most painful experience a human mind can accept and/or absorb.

You will feel like you have literally died inside... become blinded to any direction in life...you will feel as if you have been robbed of a priceless human gem, known as trust...robbed of a love, you deserved...one you earned ...one you depended on for that eternal happiness...one that was yours and no-one elses.

What is there to do once that love is lost?
You can pick up the pieces of your broken world of eternal happiness and you can learn from it and begin to rebuild what once was or you can stay broken and stop breathing...then die.

To never know any of those feelings good or bad...is the other part of my pondering thought...

Not to Love...

Is it better ...

..to never walk for fear of falling?

..to never taste for fear of distaste?

..to never touch for fear of feeling?
..to never smile for fear of frowning?
..to never laugh for fear of crying?

..to never swim for fear of drowning?

..to never trust for fearing of not trusting?

..to never love for fear of losing ?

I wonder...do we even have the choice, to love or not to love?
Do we choose to fall in love or does love choose us? 
Can one go about life, interacting with other people and never face the risk of falling in love? 

Is it so out of our control, that even the knowledge of the risk involved becomes meaningless within the desires of love?

Is love inevitable?

~~~~~~~~

So tell me...do you think...it is better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all ?

~D~

Control....

...exactly who is controlling who?

I have a few questions that will most definitely stir up some deep inner thoughts! They will also give you an idea of just how controlling your relationship is or could be. No one likes to be in a relationship where they feel controlled by their partner, it is very unhealthy and usually ends up being very unhappy. There truly is a fine line between love and hate when there is a controlling partner in the relationship. The only person that we have any right to control is ourselves!

Life is too short to settle for anything especially when it comes to relationships. There is way to much to risk when it comes to matters of the heart. For warned is for armed...I have always believed that fact to be very true. Relationships are one of the most valued parts of our lives and we invest a lot of our minds and souls into them. So why would you not want to be 100% prepared before you take that initial step into waters that could be so treacherous and overwhelming?

How many people fall for another instantly because of looks or a social atmosphere at the time? Too many.

So to have a list of questions to ponder will not only awaken what is going on in your relationship right now, but they will also be very effective in preparing you for what you should not ignore or settle with in your future relationships.

These questions are designed to challenge your.......

Give The Gift Of Self-Esteem For Christmas

It is definitely moving in on us like a wonderful winter storm.
Christmas is just around the corner and we all know what that means.
It means that we have to think and re-think about what to get him and her, for Christmas.
It means that our energy levels will be stretched way out. With all the preparations and money spending that we all will be involved with, one thing is certain.
A kind word to boost our self-esteem and Christmas cheer will be more than welcomed by all. I have always been a firm believer in the fact that everyone loves to have a self-esteem boost. Even the most confident appearing person needs a little feel good nudge now and then.
If your piggy bank is low on jingle, or if you just do not know what to get that special someone for Christmas, why not try to just make them feel good about themselves. While shopping for that special gift, choose something that will send a self-esteem thought. A thought to just tell them that you are thinking about them and how much you treasure their friendship, or just their smile. You can send that in a card, either store bought or hand made by yourself. People are so lost these days in the real tradition of Christmas that they feel it is all in the gift and/or the price of the gift. A very sad thing.
I have always been the type of person to spend a few extra minutes and write what was in my heart when I sent cards out. Stores have very nice cards, but they can just seem to lack that personal touch. A hand made card will give them a special feeling and lets them know you took some extra time just for them.
Your gift, what ever it may be, should be a true show of your thoughts, and how special they are you. We all love to know that we are special in some way to others. If you want to send more than a card, then get inventive. Maybe you can support that certain someone in their desires to learn something new or add fun to their day. Throughout the year, if you were inquisitive enough, you may have stumbled onto their desire to start a new hobby or a new interest they wanted to start, but just never had that certain push to do it. You can be that push for them just buy making their gift a book or video with all the instructions they would need to fulfill that interest. There are all sorts of not so expensive craft kits out there also. Take a photograph of yourself being happy, or doing something silly. That is sure to send a very heart warming message and create a very nice smile.
Another way you can share your positive self-esteem is to simply invite a few friends over and bake some traditional ginger bread cookies, or a Christmas cake. Don't forget make some eggnog and share a Christmas baking cheer with each other. It's a very good Christmas feeling, one that is surely going to strengthen every ones self-esteem and Christmas cheer.
Remember to make time to visit your family and remind then how much you love them. It is after all Christmas time, a time of giving and spreading Christmas cheer. What better time to forget all the nonsensical family dynamics and just enjoy this special season as one heart and one appreciation of life.
Here is another way to put a nice self-esteem smile on a face.
Call someone that does not have a car and take them shopping with you. Maybe share a quaint bite to eat with them and tell them this is your Christmas Gift to them. They will surely remember this day. It's the people that expect nothing that really appreciate the smallest of gifts.
When did a good deed, hug or even just a smile and good cheer become so low on our Christmas List?
Are we only made to feel important by the value of a gift that we receive? That is such a sad notion. To show someone appreciation and love, is itself a true gift. It has no cash value. The value that it carries, is one of true positive meaning and the desire to make a person feel accepted and unique. How could this not make a persons self-esteem soar?
Christmas time is about giving and receiving.
When we give, we feel good in ourselves, so in actual fact we are receiving at the same time. We are receiving a positive feel of self-esteem, from the act of giving. To see a smile and to know that we have just made someone happy with our gift no matter how small it is, will definitely make us smile in return. Each of us who receives a gift, will experience those feelings of uniqueness. Our self esteem increases because we know that someone values us as a person. It is a true Christmas feeling, one that can spread positive self-esteem world wide.
Also, don't forget to treat yourself throughout the Christmas holidays!
Tell yourself that you deserve whatever your little heart desires.
Spoil yourself.
Take the opportunity to love yourself a little and thank God for who you are and for giving you His gift of life and be thankful for your family and your friends.
Remember to be thankful for the gift of Christmas! It truly is a day that brings everyone together to share their hugs and smiles! Lets all make our self-esteem a gift to give and receive.

I hope that this Christmas and your self esteem this holiday season, is the best one ever!

Christmas is a celebration of birth, so let us also celebrate the birth of a newer, stronger self-esteem, both for you and that special someone.

Merry Christmas to all, from all of us at http://www.womensselfesteem.com

Before I close this Christmas note...please visit this link to read .......
A Soldiers Christmas Message

~D~

Anger & Hurt: a Lonely Place to Be!

Being human can really be challenging, to say the least. We feel emotions with every breath we take, every move we make. Some emotions are so sweet that we never want to lose that feeling. Other emotions cause us so much anger and hurt that we are paralyzed with pain.

Our minds use anger as a memory of a hurt that we have experienced. The memory is usually due to the fact that we neglected to express our hurt at the time for one reason or another. We tend to not show our anger or hurt because we do not want to cause a conflict or hurt another's feelings or ever admit those feelings.

We also hang onto it because once we actually show we are angered, we are showing we are not perfect and that in fact we are human and can feel pain. But if we continue to push away our feelings to protect our perfect selves, we become less real and less connected to people in our lives, without even realizing how far we are pushing them away.

Protecting another person from our hurts or anger is only imprisoning ourselves, so that they will never be able to reach us. If we do this long enough we cannot find happiness anywhere. When we are questioned why we are upset, we can not even find the beginning to the hurt we have hidden. The longer we hide our hurts and anger the more confusing they become. Things get all tangled up and if we dare try to explain, we are totally speaking another language.

Have you ever been hurt by someone and then they make it impossible for you to explain why you are angered? Those people can do a lot of damage, they are controllers. When you can identify that type of person, only then can you fight back and tell them, "please just shut up and listen". If you want to be unhappy then keep hanging onto that hurt. It will definitely drag your self-esteem down to the bottom.

Hurt is a pain of the moment and it is happening right now. Its reason is right there in front of you. You must deal with it or you will only hide it and end up alone in your prison of loneliness. The longer you hold back, the more angry you become with you, for not acting out. That's when guilt moves right on in and takes over, making you want to get even with that person. Your negative thoughts are seeded now and nothing feels good. Is this a good thing? NOT!!!

It is definitely not easy to risk being called oversensitive, told that you are just causing a fight, or they just laugh you off like you are a child. You may even find that this person does not really care about you. Better to find that out asap, don`t you think?

These FEELINGS of hurt and anger have a way of taking over our lives. Is it not better to let it out now rather than to live in an unhappy life of silence? Tell someone how you feel, when you feel it, or you will only lock those FEELINGS up inside you and trust me, you will lose yourself.

You may even hurt the one you love, but honesty is the best way. I believe that with a true love you should be able to tell that person anything and yes even if you feel hurt or angered by them. Love conquers anger and hurt. It battles jealousy and helps lift you to a higher self-esteem!

To be truly happy and not endure the prisons of negative emotions, we need to be heard. We need to be understood. We need to be forgiven. We also need to be loved and cared for. We need to set our selves free!

And my sweet readers, on that note, I will leave you with another tip to strengthen your courage which will help you to keep climbing that mountain to a better you!

Take responsibility for your life. You have the power to make things better.

And most importantly, you have a choice!

DorothyL
www.womensselfesteem.com

Betrayed by Society

What is betrayal to you?

Is it hurt, deception, disappointment, anger, loss of trust, feelings of being broken, defiled, humiliated, neglected, loss of self-esteem, or a feeling of death? Betrayal has a way of stealing your smiles and laughter. It has a way of turning your love into pure hate. You will probably remember reading these very words from my first article on betrayal. Well this description seemed fitting for this article, "Betrayed by Society" as well.

This is a very touchy subject. Some things that you will read in my article may trigger your mind to question your own relationship and the society around you. This is your own choice. I write my articles to release my own thoughts on certain matters, nothing more, nothing less. In this article I will be using the word “Betrayal” in many forms. You will understand this as you read on.

I feel that being betrayed by society is a large problem in our world today. How can it not be? We have pornography at a touch of our fingers. We cannot even log onto our computers without sex trying to sell to you something in one form or other. This is a huge stepping stone leading towards the betrayal in so many relationships today. It is even so delusional that women are persuaded in believing that they will get all the positive attention they need by showing their bodies to strangers. Yes, many are doing it for the money, but many are also doing it just for the attention. They do this in hopes that they will feel better about themselves. They will degrade themselves for that moment of cheap monetary acceptance, charging nothing for revealing their most private selves. Tell me, where do you see the betrayal? Television has managed to cheapen sexual encounters to nothing more than what I once heard described as a mere hand shake. There is no love related sex as far as the marketing world is concerned. This is a very sad equation that has lead to women feeling betrayed by society. This again is a huge threat against a committed relationship. Even with all the education in regards to the fear of aids, which is a torturous disease, promiscuity is at its highest levels, again another betrayal.

People now have even less care and concern in regards to their partner’s feelings. Oh sure they say they care, but their actions and reactions tend to show otherwise. Just take a look at how many couples you know right now that have already been married more than once, or more. There are very few long term commitments these days. Why is that? Who told us that marriage vows are not important anymore? Who lead us to that betrayal? Why do couples call it quits because maybe their partner does not want sex as often as they use to, or is so exhausted after a day spent being a mother, housemaid and in many cases a career woman? Who lead us to that betrayal? Or maybe your partner does not want to dress like a stripper. Why then is she made to feel wrong? Yet another betrayal in creating delusions as to what sexy really is. How many times have you felt wrong because you felt that you were holding your partner back from certain ideas that he has expressed to you as being the all important thing in his desires? Do you see the betrayal here? Society has done this, to men and women.

Some people are very skilled in the art of quiet betrayal. They know exactly how to turn a situation to benefit them, making you fall and feel like you are in the wrong. Way too many relationships are controlled by either side having this ability. Relationships can be manipulated to serve one side, the side always being the one that shows an outward kindness and naiveness. I call it a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Only the person being tormented by this very well schooled betrayer knows that side of this person, so many never even become aware that they are victims to a betrayal.

We are dealing with a wide open world where nudity and promiscuity is a very real concern. Couples are challenged every day in the area of commitment. What one might consider a mere look, another will take to heart and see it as a deception. One’s idea of a negative environment may be a total opposite of another’s. How one person thinks nothing of being in an environment that could very well be threatening or cause a moment of weakness, others will look at it as walking into a pit of lions, feeling betrayed by society. Men are forced to look at women that are strategically placed in view and cannot be missed every day. In our very real world, sex sells and it is shoved in our faces left, right and center. Some men look at it as a quiet bonus. It is justified by the fact that it is not in their control what is put out in front of them. But they do have a choice, don't they? They can choose to ignore it or they can chooser to enjoy it! They say that no matter what they look at or may happen to see, it has nothing to do with how they feel about their partner. So I ask this, if a partner decides to step outside of the sexual commitment, does that mean they can justify it by saying it had nothing to do with their partner and does not change their feelings in any way? My answer is No Way! They have made a choice at that point, a choice of betrayal. This is a very tricky justification in any form. You can see how easy one can feel betrayed by another.

In a relationship, betrayals are one of the worst attacks, because we as partners put ourselves in a highly unarmed state through our trust and love for the other person. We as a couple must communicate more openly so that we have an equal understanding of what the other believes and feels about certain issues. You must both come to some agreements on what is acceptable for you both. There are always a few Grey areas, but there are a lot of black and white issues. Do not accept things that you cannot live with. Some things are just wrong and you have the right to say so. For an example, If he is looking at pornography on the Internet and it hurts your feelings, you have the right to say "stop" and you also have the right to leave him if he does not stop. Don’t even try to change the things that cannot be changed, but do change what you can. Situations can be made or avoided and relationships can change. End them if you have to. Society will betray you if you are not armed as a couple. You must actually fight to stay together, because society will fight to split you apart.

The following are TRUE to all love relationships, regardless of society:
It is not alright to take another partner for even one sexual encounter.
It is also not alright to knowingly twist things around to best suit ones self, especially when the fact of hurt is going to be obvious.
It is not alright to use a partner’s trust and love in order to betray them.
It is certainly not alright to try to change your partner to fit a mold that you desire.
It is not alright to humiliate or put your partner down in public.
It is not alright to make your partner feel unworthy because of their inner feelings or thoughts on certain issues.
It is not alright to treat your partner with even the smallest amount of disrespect.
It is not alright to use your partner’s most private thoughts as a weapon in battle.
It is not alright to control or hover over your partner to the point that they feel a need to escape.
It is not alright to take and not give back in the love department.
It is not alright to think that your partner can read your mind.
It is not alright to mistrust your partner without due cause.
It is not alright to deliberately go out of your way to give payback, so to speak.

It is a matter of each partners individual choices.

All of these are a definite hind site, one that every couple should follow to the T. In order to avoid being betrayed by society, you must be open and honest with your partner. Love your partner like you will never love another. To give love is to receive love.

Betrayal does not have to happen in a relationship if both partners are honest and open about their likes and dislikes at the beginning. It is those that hide or wear a false hat that fall into the traps of betrayal and victimization down the road.

Betrayal is a very ugly word as it is in its action and results. Avoid it at all costs, it is never worth it. Now go and hug your partner and never, ever use the art of betrayal to gain anything.

*************************************************************************************

"I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
- Angeleaknewin

DorothyL @womensselfesteem.com

Trapped in a thought ?

Do you know what it is like being Trapped in a thought ?
Escape is not an option.
What was a simple drip in your pool of thoughts, quickly turned into an ocean of tidal waves rolling into each other, over and over again. This is what it feels like to not have positive control over your mind.
Our minds often repeat hurtful thoughts or scenarios over and over, even when we'd much rather let them go. If you start really listening to your inner voice, you are probably dwelling on the past, remembering how someone may have let you down or how much anger you still hold back from being hurt. If you fear the challenges that are waiting for you or you are ashamed at where you are now in your life as compared to where you had planned on being, these fears will definitely be in line to play the mind game on you. All of these insecure or hurtful emotions that you once tucked away will come back to play when the game begins. The problem is, when they come back, you will not recognize them and this will be your first bad move. Now the mind game begins.

The game is of the mind, to confuse you in your thought process. When your mind is triggered even slightly by a word, a picture, or even a look what we want to do is to think positive, nice, sweet and safe thoughts. If you have the slightest opening in your mind the game will begin. It will take a thought and wait for your first emotional weakness. Then it will twist that thought and magnify it so that it feeds on that weakness and sends you into that ugly world of negative thinking.

You would give anything to shake off these negative thoughts, but we all know so well that it's easier said than done. Instead you struggle through your day feeling like you are a freak and that if you do not get a grip on this mind game and soon you will explode. All that you want is to be free of negative thoughts and be happy all the time.

You spend a lot of time thinking over negative feelings and sulking over regrets and misfortunes. The worst part is that the more you try to end this horrible game that twists your brain so tight, the worse it gets. You will try to avoid your hidden shames and worries or drown them with alcohol or drugs. All that happens when that little fix-it ends is that the mind game becomes stronger.
New thoughts continue, the game attacks again only to turn those thoughts against you. You can feel them escalate into negative scenarios in your mind, but at this point powerless. The power of the game is winning and you are now in the believing stage of the game. Your mind now believes your negative thoughts. You are forced to react and through this reaction the mind game soars and takes over even further. Now it not only controls you but it has also taken control of your entire world and whoever is in it at the time. You collapse from the draining feeling of failure once again. You feel that you will never be able to win this mind game. You feel that you will be a pawn for the rest of your days on earth. A doormat and a bug to stepped on over and over again because of your inability to gain strength and take control of your positive mind. So why not just give in? Why not just bow down whenever you fail to think positive thoughts? Well, I will tell you why you do not want to do that!

You are a human being with a heart and a brain. You were given the ability to feel emotions. Emotions such as: self-respect, self-esteem, humor, love, laughter, sexuality, self-confidence but most of all you were given intelligence and the will to survive. You were given the gift of life. Those are the reasons to fight. How to fight is also right there in front of you.

You are already aware of the mind game. Most of you have played it so long that you should be the champions by now. I have talked about habits many times and I will keep talking about them. Through habits you can defeat many of those mind games. Try to simplify your thoughts. The stronger the game tries to twist them the harder you work to shrink them.

I read about an interesting way to look at this. Think of your thoughts as a pop-up ad on your computer. You see it and then you don`t. Or it pops up and you simply delete it without giving it a second thought. Even if it was a negative pop-up you spend no time at all analyzing where it came from, you simply carry on with what you were doing. This is a good way to play, and win the game. Also another way to play and win is when your thought begins to twist through the negative game, start to vocalize it. Sing it quietly to yourself or hum outloud. This will confuse the game, and throw it off track. Immediately when you get a thought that seems to be fair game think of something very funny or a very sad movie that made you cry. A very good habit is to change your thought track. The game cannot keep up when the track is jumped. Be aware that your mind is a game field but you have to play it in order to win. If you do not play you will lose by defeat. SAD!!!

So my words to you is this : KICK IT`S BUTT!!!!!!!

~D~

DorothyL@womensselfesteem.com