A cry for help~

Relationships can bring out many insecurities that we have either managed to avoid or that we just have never had to deal with before. One of those insecurites that I seem to address more and more in my thoughts is jealousy. Below you will read a letter sent to me by a women who has seriously reached a desperate point in her relationship, hence why she wrote a complete stranger with her cry for help.

She wrote......

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I am writting this as I am driving myself and my partner insane with my Jealousy. My Partner gives me no reason to think he is a womenizer or does he check females out of the internet or anything like that, its just me my self esteem is so low I compare myself to every walking female and if he dares to say "oh that girl has unusual eyes" thats it my head just goes, I start to think well he says my eyes are amazing maybe he likes hers better. We go out for dinner and straight away im checking other girls out in the restaraunt, and making sure he dosent notice them. He has a few female friends on facebook and I have finally come to terms that they are just old school friends and as he tells me constantly it is just fb and dosent mean anything, I still deep down panic and think he's gonna meet up with one of them and end up falling in love with them, My partner adores me he tells me im sexy and that I just do it for him in every way physically and mentally, but still my god dam head is driving me insane, I keep alot of these horrible thought inside but sometimes well most of the time he can tell something is bothering me just by the look on my face. This is really affecting us and I hate being like this as I know its not normal and I try to tell myself to stop but it just overtakes I know im a good looking women, I have a bubbly personality and yeah I can walk into a room and turn heads and my partner has told me how he is proud to walk beside me so why the hell do I do this, its like this little voice is just cant get rid of. I have this fear that he is going to find something better, someone better is going to come along.

He is so supportive as well, he encourages me to get a hobbie so I go to the gym and I am starting photography and he is helping me buy a camera. Since reading your article's I have been saying to myself I am unique strong and beautiful in every-way.
Will I ever just be happy being me?.

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Sound familiar or perhaps you have a friened that has or still is experiencing this horrific sense of hopleness in their relationship. I am sharing this with my readers as it too may help them to identify and rectify certain insecurities that may be causing a wedge in your relationship.

My reply went as follows:

Hello ......
Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts with me. You have taken a huge first step in just writing to me about your insecure feelings.These types of feelings are not fun and there is not one person on this earth that would not stop them if all it took was a simple thought. That is most certainly not to say it is impossible....however it takes real consistent self-talk and commitment in order to reset your thought boundaries.

You have mentioned that you have read my articles...have you listened to my audio articles...as they are a bit more personal and have proven to be very effective for many woman?
Here are a few suggestions and understandings to get you started. I can help support you and even help you simplify situations but the real work is going to be within who you are and how you feel about who you are.

The following suggestions should become a part of your minute by minute thinking.

When you feel fear in the thought that your partner may leave you for another woman...that fear is real. What you must start to do when that happens is not fight it...try acknowledging it to yourself or even better to your partner, if you still have open communication. By that I mean... telling him that the fear is beginning...separate your fear from your actual reality. As fear is not a reality ...it is however a real emotion that is very controlling and when it becomes confused as to when to react or when not to react.... it can cause us alot of frustration and misery. It will warp our sense of what is really happening to what our fear thinks is happening.

Also stop blaming yourself for how you feel... once you can simplify your fear and talk about it as it happens... you will be able to gain better control over it. Your feelings are real...it is the fact that you cannot control those feelings that needs to be reset.

Sounds simple right...well you already know that there is nothing simple when you are caught up on the fear roller coaster. That is why it takes consistent and repetitive self-talk. Eventually your mind will automatically derail those thoughts that create your fear which in turn reacts at the wrong times.
The main reason people feel insecure in their relationships aside from certain actual deceptions, is how they feel about and see themselves. If you do not value everything about yourself, even the little imperfections that we all have, then you are going to automatically look at others as being better than yourself and in many cases a more suitable match for your own partner.
Low self-confidence is a double edged sword. It not only destructs you as a person, it also destructs your ability to trust in another persons thoughts of you. This is when you begin to do your partners thinking...it is a one persons mind conversation. You begin to control the entire scenario and it will always be pointed at belittling yourself and/or accusing your partner of something that they have no clue of. That is what uncontrolled emotions do.

The next time a thought pops up ....chances are it will be the same thought that caused you misery once before ...immediately tell yourself that you have been here before and nothing good came of it...dissect what really is happening, and compare it to what you think is happening. Change how you handle it... even if you have to remove yourself for a few minutes to breathe away the anxiety that the fear will cause. This you will have to do everytime you feel the fear begin.

So from this reply onward... feel free to write me every time you find yourself falling into the
fear zone. I can help you to simplify and see your thoughts in a different way.

It is a good thing that you have such an understanding partner....now you should learn to be as understanding of yourself :)

Remember...you are you .... there is no other like you...own that thought and be proud of it~
~D~

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There are a few follow up correspondences since ... in which I will post at a later date.

~As always...I look forward to your thoughts and suggestions~

Dorothyl