Monday, July 18, 2011

Lost what?


Have you ever found yourself lost in a relationship of confusion, as if you were speaking a completely foreign language to your partner, vice-verse?
Have you ever found, that you could not seem to find the right way back?
Back to when you understood and were understood, in every thing that you would say or do.
Back to where it was easy and natural to be in the relationship like waters that trickling down stream.
Have you ever found while making love with your partner that something just is not quite right, as in the click is not clicking for some unknown reason? His smell has changed, his touches have less impact on your intimate-self, you just cannot stay within the moment anymore...something is just not right~
All of these feelings of being lost or off in a relationship do and will happen at one time or another. It is what I call the warnings of 'negative complacency', resulting in the 'wallflower syndrome'.
Some would say that these feelings of being lost are the first steps to the end of the relationship and they may very well be. However, if they are detected early enough and dealt with between both partners, the end will not so easily be invited.
It will take the efforts of both partners to find reason for the lost feelings. One partner cannot do this alone.
It will take courage and honesty from one, trust, maturity and understanding from the other.
Sharing these feelings, even if they are not what a partner wants to hear, is vital to the success and longevity of a relationship. Hearing that your partner is having issues in their feelings toward you is not easily accepted, as immediately they are taken as a personal attack or even as a feeling of failure. Fair enough, take a minute, have your pity party, but then, do move onto the issues at hand. Your partner is being very brave and in that bravery, she/he is taking great risk of being misunderstood. In that action alone, respect and an open mind should be given in turn.
Whether you are the partner with the lost feelings or the partner being confided is not an easy time in any relationship.
It is a time when both partners must take their part in the relationship serious.
It is time for both partners to remember what brought this relationship together in the beginning and work from there.
It is a true reality check, that somewhere something has been forgotten or taken for granted.
It is time to find what has been lost between each other and why.
It is not the time to play badminton with blame or fault, it is not the time to dig up past indiscretions or mistakes.
It is not time for name calling or using hurtful selfishness as a weapon. If partners allow these reactions of destruction to take place, the relationship will then most undoubtedly come to a bitter end.

Once again we are faced with choices.
The choices of.. listening, understanding and working together...
or falling into a poor-me-puddle and drowning all alone~
~You Choose~


onlyelisaknows said...

I think I am one of those person who lost feelings. That happened with my ex-husband. I'm the one who ended our relationship. How can I talk, share when the feeling's gone. How can I talk, share when I am the one adjusting instead of him. He's 50+ by the way and I'm only 33 back then. It's one reason that I moved out and end our marriage.

Unknown said...

Thank you for sharing this. Its hard coz at the end of the day we have to live with the choices we have made..and going to make.
Take care

Michelle Sears said...

The only way to get past a loss of feelings is to remember what it felt like when you first fell in love. I've been with my husband for 12 years and I can honestly say that we have been there at least three times. And the only thing that brings us back to each other is love. Just show each other so much love that you don't have time for any other feeling.

Mars @ The Life Encounters said...

There are times that even though one of the partners took the risk of opening up, the other would never open his or her mind and help out on working together for the relationship. Personally, I think that is the right time to finally let go.

A relationship is something that should be worked hard for by BOTH parties. :)

Grumpy old man said...

I think that some of the reasons for this to happen is boredom, not challenges anymore. My solution is to start dating again, meet in some romantic restaurant, dress for the occasion, but do not dress at the same place.
In many cases ppl get so used to each other that they forget what it is like to not have each other.

Thanks for the post Dorothy, it makes one think!

Take care and be good.

ClearlyCrystal said...

Hi Dorothy,
Truly this can be a very sensitive subject, for both but especially for men. I guess the real key is not to take it too personally. I'm thinking it does not matter who you are with, it is going to happen at some point in the relationship. Marriage is not easy and needs constant supervision. You cannot rely on the past, you have to keep answering the question what have I done lately.


Anonymous said...

we all have choices to make in our relationship. the thing is that what do you do hen theres no more spark and the reasons you fell in love were the wrong reasons do you still continue to try and fix your relationship, what if being in your relationship makes you denie a part of yourself and in doing so you loose who you are so that someone else can be happy. what if you've already sacrificed all that you can and still the person wants more. what if the person your with is so self centred on his work that he wants you to change your work preferences to fit his. basically what if the person your with abuses you mentally, makes you feel bad about everything he doesnt agree with do you stay

haopee said...

Hey Dorothy

My sister always told me that talking becomes a vital part of the relationship once partners grow old and physically "wither". It takes a brave person to "man" up and talk about their feelings. The problem with people nowadays is they're to scared to open up because they're showing their vulnerable side. Vulnerability is may be a form of weakness but it is this side that can greatly help in making your relationship stronger. What is the use of a partner if you both stand as individuals and not as one. ^_^ Good day.

ben said...

its really unfortunate when u have given all your feeling and trust to someone and they just abuse it. most of these happen through. that is why you would need to read this article on catching a cheating lover
very insightful and helpful.

Daria said...

My guess is that these are the kind of experiences we all go through - at one time or another in our life. It's not an easy time - but it is an opportunity to learn and grow.

ROJAK said...

Of course we have to live with the choices we have made..regret it or not we have to carry on living.

Lisa, I am sorry to hear that.

Self Esteem For Girls said...

This is really great one to share with others. Keep it up. :)

Unknown said...

I agree I think at one point in our lives we all experience this, and I feel the best thing is communication, you have to keep that pipe line open, and sometimes that is even hard. Great post.

God bless,

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Anne Louise said...

I read all the comments here just make me realizd that relationship it's not a one way street, it's a two way street. Thanks for sharing.

Male Escort said...

How can the feelings go, when you are living in a relationship. It never happened to me, and i just wish i may never happen with us..