Monday, March 22, 2010

Relationship...How do you define it?

The word Relationship becomes a very important word at some point in our lives, but do we ever really stop and think about how many meanings the word itself can be connected to?

Are we educated enough to be aware of the importance of understanding what a relationship entails?

Instinctively, we all want to be in a relationship, but again do we really understand the meaning behind the word?
Oh sure...there is sex on tap, financial security  and we get to play house with the opposite sex....but what happens when all of that fantasy and newness begins to wear off? Now we are beginning to notice all of those icky, quirky things that we all know can in time chip away until there is no more desire or anticipation left. All of a sudden we begin to question who and what we have committed to.

Realistically..committing to a relationship is a very serious decision, one that should not ever be taken lightly nor made without serious thought. Inadvertently, because we are human beings, we do tend to follow the direction of our feelings and those matters of the heart do weigh heavily on our decision making, resulting in the fact that the realistic approach is secondary. Hence why so many relationships end up unhappy and/or unsuccessful.

Here is my breakdown of what the word, 'Relationship' means to me on an emotional level:


I also broke the word, 'Relationship' down in a more sexual manner of connection:


We spend a countless number of years educating ourselves so that we can be the best in our choice of career. So why is it that something so important to our children, our happiness and our health is not being taken as seriously? When did our own happiness take a second place to our careers?

I find it very odd that we spend more time healing over broken relationships than we do over our careers. Yet we spend less time preparing or for a lack of a better term, 'educating ourselves' on what a 'relationship' is all about, so that we can be prepared or more aware of just what to expect from a relationship, even worse, how to deal with it when it breaks down.

Maybe there is no class that can guarantee us a successful relationship...then again who ever said there were any guarantees in life period.

We can however, widen our own awareness of what it means to commit to a relationship by being more educated and more aware of the meaning of the word. Just by defining the word itself brings it to an entirely new level of seriousness and depth. How many times do you want to be hurt and/or rejected in your life time? If you have ever been there, you know you would choose never. Do you think that if you were better prepared or educated in the meaning of the actual word, 'Relationship', that you would be in a more successful relationship today?

These thoughts and questions are nothing to slight, as they are the keys to becoming happy with whom you choose to commit to and when we are happy in our relationship, we all know that ~ life is very good~

Feel free to change or add new meaning to the word ~Relationship~......
As always...I look forward to your thoughts~

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Cher Duncombe said...

D, I think this is the most informative breakdown of what relationships mean that I have ever read. And you are so right: we spend a lot of time getting over bad relationships, but should spend even more time thinking before becoming involved in one. Why waste your time or someone else's if there are red flags all over the place?
Excellent article!

lina@women's perspectives said...

Love your thought, D...
I want to add words : sacrifice, compromise, sincere...
It's not easy to maintain a relationship...

Unknown said...

what a great post for me as i have been thinking a lot on why i get into relationships at all. i think i was wrong to get into the one i am in right now. i should have stayed single...


The Joyful Crafter said...

Very informative!
A very good thought and read indeed. Makes one think... Good job, D! :)

ThinkFeminist said...

hi there, I am your latest follower. You can also follow me at

Your blog is really informative, I will be hanging around for awhile digging into archives.

glee said...

ha! this post made me pause and question. it hits the fears of an engaged woman ;) the questions you brought are teh very fears that I have. What happens if all the excitement wear off and the relationship starts to be boring? What happens if after the honeymoon period, the relationship becomes uninteresting? I always bring this up to my fiance'. His asnwer as always, "we would always find ways to battle boredom. we have to work on keeping the marriage alive."

i certainly agree with all the things you said. i am really into this education myself into the ins and ons about this thingy called "relationship"/ In fact, because of too much education, I have so many apprehensions and fears.

I guess, for some people, in some rare cases, they do take time to assess and evaluate their relationship before they jump into the decision of tying the knot. However, I believe, that no matter how many books you read, no matter how hard you think and reconsider, no matter how much you educate yourself, the knowledge that you gain would never match the actual realities once you;re there. Therefore I conclude, that as much as it is essential to educate yourself, it is as well important to be committed and to able to hold on to that commitment so that no matter how tough situations would be, you would always be ready to fight for the sake of saving your marraige.

One of The Guys said...

I would add: commitment

But you kind of already implied that.

What about "Fun?" Being able to just have fun with the other person is important. Or "Enjoyment"

The problem that a lot of people have in relationships is that they think the other person is there to fulfill their needs. It's all me, me, me. I can be guilty of this too. We all can.

People are constantly asking themselves, "Am I getting what I need from this relationship?"

Well that's certainly not the way to be in a committed relationship. Sure, we absolutely need to be getting some of our needs met. And we shouldn't stay in any type of abusive relationship. But we also need to commit to the relationship with all its glorious and not so glorious imperfections.

How am I contributing to this relationship?
How am I making things more satisfying for my partner and myself?

There is always someone better looking, more exciting and more alluring than your least in your mind. But that's part reality and fantasy. Being able to differentiate between the two is vital for staying committed.

A la Tiger.....

Unknown said...

@Cher...awareness is definitely where the forewarned is forearmed comes into play~

@lina... sacrifice is a very good word when educating oneself on the reality of a relationship as long as one does not loose the balance and becomes the sole sacrificer~

PJ...One great thing about our is never to late to change how we live or continue moving forward~

@ Gleenn...Yes, very true that one must understand commitment and yes there is so much unknown that we cannot ever learn or be aware of unless of course we had a crystal ball. But to be aware of as much as we can in order to be able to not be blinded by the inconsequential things that bring so many of us together but never make for an everlasting relationship.
It is about doubt. It is about doubt...but a certain amount of awareness can save us a lot of heartache in the end~

@One of the your added if I had written them all would have no reply to my post :P

Most definitely couples must lose the 'selfish' singular once entering a relationship. It is so not about me is an us thing.
The other negative is the opposite to 'me' and that is 'you'. If you live solely for the other person...that can also be very destructive and suffocating down the road for both.
A balance as I always say is the utmost important key in any relationship~ RAWR

blog share | Tips And News 2010 said...

Why waste your time or someone else's if there are red flags all over the place?
Excellent article!

BK said...

Very detailed definition of relationship. I have not thought of relationship in such a way. Relationship to me means love, commitment, trust, respect and understanding. But each one you had mentioned is as important to a relationship. I like the one that One of the Guys added in, particularly 'Fun.' Although we need to take relationship seriously, we need to make it fun and enjoyable too.

Grumpy old man said...

I guess everything is said, so all that is left for me is to say, well done! Great post, I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for sharing Dorothy, you are a star, as always.

Hope your week is going great.

seo blogger said...

science to learn more I liked the adult friends

Unknown said...

HUh...this thing we called relationship is hard to are class nor books could teach us how to handle nor survive a relationship. I have been in this relationship called husband and wife for more than five years (not to include another 5 as bf/gf) but still finding my way around it. There are times when I felt exhausted and trying to find reason and ways to lift me up to go on. And yet there are times when I felt like it was only yesterday and still felt like I am in cloud nine. Bottom line, I think it would take years and years for someone to learn and understand how to handle a relationship let alone be on it.

Dhemz said...

I completely agree with askcherlock Ms.D....very informative and very detailed.....thanks for sharing!

RE - RecycledFrockery said...

Ms. D Your definition touches many aspects of humanistics. lots of people don't realize that their human garden is one that you have to tend to really enjoy.

you're right when you say we spend much more time healing than we do investigating beforehand. that is a problem that if we learned how to reverse we'd have less hurt. I have myself been trapped by the pain of questionable relationships.

I've learned through trial and error to let people do what they are going to do so I get a clearer picture of who they are and what they really think of me.

I've also learned to run background checks on people I plan to do any longterm business with. it's much better to know than to wonder; don't you think Ms.D ?

Unknown said...

@ Melanie...oh yes it is a definite ongoing lesson in our book called life. There are no instruction booklets that will give us a road map but there is enough information for us as to what we should be aware of just in how we see and accept who we are before we even delve into expecting another to accept us. Premedative action in anything we do in life is vital to our health and our happiness. Understanding what healthy foods are is not anymore important than understanding what the word commitment means in a relationship. I am not saying in any way that we will ever be able to control the future but we most certainly can understand what we are getting into before we decide to commit to another person.

@ RE...Oh yes ...research is a good thing. Also understanding what exactly you are investing when you commit is very much something to realize.
Relationships are a funny thing...because you just think you have a handle on it and then feel like you have never met this person in your life before.
This is what you cannot control another person changes over time is simply called life. You can however control how ready you are for changes when they happen in your relationship and that comes with understanding and accepting your commitment.

Whoever said that a relationship is easy or predictable...again though ...I stress is very helpful to be aware of how serious your decision is when you commit to another person. It almost seems these days that people quit or walk away for as little as a broken nail...yes I am being petty but you get my drift.
Hence the lack of forethought..lack of awareness ...bottom line lack of education~

Best Wishes, Marie said...

D, thank you for you comment on injayne's world. i am glad i found your blog. best wishes, marie

ina said...

nice article...
keep sharing!!! :D

visit me back, thanks!!!

Unknown said...

This is the one of the best defination of relationship i have ever read.keep up the good work.

burn said...

You always wrote a brilliant, informative and factual post. I look forward to reading more of your post.

I always love your blog. Solusi Berpromosi di Internet said...

I want to add words : sacrifice, compromise, sincere...
It's not easy to maintain a relationship...

Keep POsting..
Your Regards!

Luthfi Fuadi

Singlet said...

So many people feel that it is better to be in a not-working relationship than be alone. Something I was guilty of. When you've been in relationships all your life they start to define you... then when that's not there you realise you should have been defining yourself by yourself alone.

Yen said...

I have a friend whose age range in 30, He is so fed up with what hes peers would comment and his family because he is still single right now because accdg to him he is not yet ready to get into a "serious" relationship this time. But here comes the problem, lately he told me he will asked his girlfriend to stay with him without marrying the woman. And I really pity him and his girl because I know in his heart he is not yet prepare to engage into a serious matter of relationship, I told him he will just ruin the life of his gf. He said: I am doing these so that people would stop asking me about my status. I am so determined to change his paradigm now because things might not work because of his compulsive decision. Thank you for sharing this post a very good one.

Unknown said...

I think there are two kinds of relationships. The one you have with another person and then the one I think is most important, the relationship you have with yourself. If you don't have this first and love yourself first, you will not be truly successful in a relationship with another person. I think people tend to want to please people so much that they forget to please themselves and do what makes them happy. Believe me, I have not always seen things this way. It took some hard times for me trying to figure out what it was I was doing wrong. Working with life coach, Sherri Nickols at has really helped me. She has a wonderful blogs, FREE calls with some great tips, as well as teleseminars for women to help them find and keep that spark.

VanillaSeven said...

Deeply thought meanings of Relationship D. From what I experienced, relationship is not hard. Its impossible without God.

Chubskulit Rose said...

Relationship involves sacrifices, if you don't know how to sacrifice then you are not ready to commit into a relationship.

iklanjaya said...

Nice article, keep update. Thanks

Ana Goncalves said...

Dear Dorothy,

It's good to be back on your blog.
I have not been here in a while.

I think relationships are formed based on how we interact and express ourselfs when we are with other people, stemming from our own relationship of ourselfs.

I also think ultimatetly a relationship is about learning about ourselfs through the eyes of how we experience others. This is very well exhaled through the art of expression.

A relationship is another form of getting to know our truer selfs when exposed to such experiences with people.

Attracting the 'right' relationship may be the right way to go about creating a successful relationship, but it still constraints oneself from acknowledging who we are when in a relationship.

I think the ultimate task in relationships is about understanding ourselfs, and learning how we can balance our own needs to those of our partner(s) without prejudicating neither's way and being of existence.

Cruise Addict said...

Another great and thoughtful post D. I think once we realize that we cannot expect someone else to be responsible for our happiness, it takes the pressure off a struggling or even thriving relationship. I also think if people would commit to each other, no matter what, that honesty and communication are the cornerstones of any relationship, we will learn more from and about our partners that we do choose.

But most importantly I believe that we make sure to put a premium on forgiving and to appreciate one another, especially in the smaller things in life. The little things that tell one another how much you love them without having to utter one word.

Unknown said...

The strange thing about forgiveness or not that to not forgive only results in imprisoning our own selves. WE tend to think that forgiveness is somewhat like setting the other person free when it is really about setting ourselves free. In relationships the real key is essentially about not expecting from the is or should be more about giving. WE are most definitely responsible for our own happiness right from the get go.
Once we can just learn to enjoy and accept who we are and who our partners are....then it is a much smoother ride~

JENIE=) said...

Very well said,Ms. D! I have wondered about those before...

...and well, what I came up with is simply there are people who LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE like there are some who can avoid getting burned during cooking but some who kept getting burned because they forget! There also are some people who TAKES THE RISK HOPING THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT like those who have slid off a cliff hoping this time it will not be as slippery.

I also had this notion of believing that LUCKY YOU to find someone who will GROW ALONG WITH YOU and will strive also as you strive to make everything work out till forever!

and last but definitely not the least is the DIVINE INTERVENTION! HE makes the impossible, possible...and so it won't hurt to ask Him of that perfect mate!

Personality Development said...

Really nice post. Had learnt a lot from this post regarding relationship. As relationship with different things or people vary so for me, relationship is the term which is different to different people and conditions...

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The Relationship Company said...

My pleasure to come across your blog and read it, keep posting.

Veena said...

Excellent blog !!!!!!!!
Very informative and first came to know what relationship mean.
After this reading, it confused me whether to start relationship or be involve in it.
I think relationship is not oneway
include trust, sacrifice and caring for each other.
Please post good blogs like this and educate us more.....