Thursday, April 26, 2012

Being single in a relationship~


In a relationship one of the first mistakes people make, is in depending on the other to an unrealistic extreme. People repeatedly wonder where they went wrong once they realize, that they fear the loss of their partner only because of the fear of being alone, and/or when they lost their ability to be independent of another. Unless you were born a twin, or were forced to be very dependent on someone throughout your life, being alone is one of the most natural ways of being. A relationship should not be about surviving on your partners air that they breathe. It should however be about allowing that person to breathe along with you in your space, vice-verse.
We can be single in a relationship, single in the sense of continuing to be you. I am not talking about being selfish when I speak of being single, I am talking about being your own person first.  Being single in a relationship, is also the sense of knowing full well that even if there are days, months, even a lifetime that you will not be able to spend with that certain someone, that you will survive and be happy within yourself. This is not to say that, people do not miss a partner that they have lost, or the happiness that they have shared. Being single in a relationship means being dependent on you because at the end of the day... it is only you in reality.
People tend to depend on their partners to make them happy, and/or to make their day a good day. This is another mistake made over and over again in relationships. It is utterly impossible for one person to make another happy unless that person wants to be happy first. A single minded person chooses to be happy before they expect another to make them happy. A single minded person can sleep in a separate bedroom and not feel in any way, that it will  make or break their relationship. When we are new to a relationship, we genuinely loose ourselves in our partners. This is a time when we must be very aware of how easily we can loose our independence. Our independence gives us a certain strength which is vital to our ability to continue to grow in a healthy and balanced direction, which in turn creates a healthy and happy partner. I have met many people that seem to think they need to constantly be around others, which for many of those, that same need has played havoc on their relationships. In not realizing that it is because they do not think independently or choose to not think independently, they have allowed that fear of being alone to control them. Our thoughts do very much control our destiny.

 A relationship can only be successful when the partners involved are there out of true commitment and choice and not out of a dependency on the other. 


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