Monday, July 18, 2011

Lost what?


Have you ever found yourself lost in a relationship of confusion, as if you were speaking a completely foreign language to your partner, vice-verse?
Have you ever found, that you could not seem to find the right way back?
Back to when you understood and were understood, in every thing that you would say or do.
Back to where it was easy and natural to be in the relationship like waters that trickling down stream.
Have you ever found while making love with your partner that something just is not quite right, as in the click is not clicking for some unknown reason? His smell has changed, his touches have less impact on your intimate-self, you just cannot stay within the moment anymore...something is just not right~
All of these feelings of being lost or off in a relationship do and will happen at one time or another. It is what I call the warnings of 'negative complacency', resulting in the 'wallflower syndrome'.
Some would say that these feelings of being lost are the first steps to the end of the relationship and they may very well be. However, if they are detected early enough and dealt with between both partners, the end will not so easily be invited.
It will take the efforts of both partners to find reason for the lost feelings. One partner cannot do this alone.
It will take courage and honesty from one, trust, maturity and understanding from the other.
Sharing these feelings, even if they are not what a partner wants to hear, is vital to the success and longevity of a relationship. Hearing that your partner is having issues in their feelings toward you is not easily accepted, as immediately they are taken as a personal attack or even as a feeling of failure. Fair enough, take a minute, have your pity party, but then, do move onto the issues at hand. Your partner is being very brave and in that bravery, she/he is taking great risk of being misunderstood. In that action alone, respect and an open mind should be given in turn.
Whether you are the partner with the lost feelings or the partner being confided is not an easy time in any relationship.
It is a time when both partners must take their part in the relationship serious.
It is time for both partners to remember what brought this relationship together in the beginning and work from there.
It is a true reality check, that somewhere something has been forgotten or taken for granted.
It is time to find what has been lost between each other and why.
It is not the time to play badminton with blame or fault, it is not the time to dig up past indiscretions or mistakes.
It is not time for name calling or using hurtful selfishness as a weapon. If partners allow these reactions of destruction to take place, the relationship will then most undoubtedly come to a bitter end.

Once again we are faced with choices.
The choices of.. listening, understanding and working together...
or falling into a poor-me-puddle and drowning all alone~
~You Choose~

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