Saturday, October 2, 2010

~Communication between the sheets~

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Funny how couples tend to avoid, become shy or even miss-communicate when certain discussions arise, for example the, 'between the sheets' topics such as sexual desires, fantasies, orgasms, and/ or the, 'this is where I want to be touched' issue. Partners essentially should be the ones open to discuss just about anything ..should they not?
It is said that some things should be kept in secret even in a relationship..sexual fantasies, for example can be seen as 'ones own' world of pleasure never to be shared...but what if you could share your secret fantasy with your partner and she/he actually shares that same fantasy with you or is willing to be part of that fantasy? How would you ever know if you do not share these thoughts.
Many men and woman have stated, that if their partners would be more open to their sexual fantasies...they would have no need to watch pornography`hence the need to be able to communicate ones sexual thoughts.
Yes, it has been said that once a sexual fantasy is brought into a reality it can change how you feel about your partner and/or be way too dangerous to deal with or leave behind. This is true IF the fantasy is not understood or acceptable between both partners. Again how will you know if you do not communicate these thoughts?
Sexual desires and the touch spots are vital to experiencing and enjoying a healthy sex life.
Here are some rules of thumb for you`......
Know thyself...Touch yourself ..find your sweet spots ..how can you communicate these feelings if you do not know where they are?
Trust thy partner...A must ..in order to feel comfortable enough to be able to communicate such private thoughts and desires with another.
Educate thy partner...He/she cannot read your mind ..how can you expect your partner to know where it feels good or what you truly desire between the sheets if you do not show him/her?
Performance pressures...Can't get it up/can't keep it up ...did you have an orgasm? ..do I look fat?...am I too old ...Gosh I am just so tired ...men and women both feel under tremendous pressure to perform in the sexual arena.
For those men that feel they are the only ones that experience performance pressure...WRONG...women also feel it and more. Women are the ones that are mainly faced with the 'did you or didn't you' question. Women feel inadequate if they do not. They also fear making their partners feel inadequate if they don't. Lets not forget the struggles with the female confidence battle..hence the 'turn off the lights' preference. I will take it a step further and bring forth the conflict of who is at fault if the man cannot get it up so to speak or keep it up.
This is a partnership...a team effort and no one person is responsible ...what is responsible is the lack of communication between the sheets. Without understanding and honest sharing...how can any partnership be healthy and successful?
I am sure this has a familiar ring to it for many when engaging in sex with your partner....
If it is not obvious...the man asks the woman if she has had an orgasm...pressure rises...the woman hesitates and says, 'yes' .. or.. 'don't worry about it ...as long as you had one ...I don't have to have an orgasm to enjoy sex with you'~
The man then feels incomplete or inadequate as it is not 'ok'...he wants to know that his partner has enjoyed their sexual endeavors just as much as he did...nor does he comprehend her thought of enjoying sex without an orgasm~
You can however look at it this way...guys/girls...it really is OK to just enjoy kissing, coupling or simply hugging and yes a person can get a lot of pleasure from just that. It does not always have to be the worlds biggest explosion nor is it something to take personally or as a sign of inadequacy. Like everything in life...simply find a balance. Sometimes the smallest pleasures are absolutely amazing and memorable. Communicate with each other, that it really is OK ...
What I have shared with you above barely touches the list of the 'lack of' in communication amongst partners between the sheets. Can you imagine how much more fun and worry-free life would be if we could only learn to share our thoughts and feelings with the one we deem to be our life partner?
~Be honest with yourself and then share that honesty with your partner....it truly is a key to happiness between the sheet~
 ~D~


43 comments:

Indi Aman-One said...

I'm touched by the depth of your article, dear. These womanly fears - of not giving enough pleasure to my man, the feeling of inadequacy, etc. - are MY fears too, and you gave them expression and a face in this post. Thank you for making me feel better. :) My boy and I haven't make out completely yet, but you see, the preliminaries - as they're called - are as much fullfilling to us, and the only bad thing about it was my feeling inadequate to please such a wonderful boyfriend. I guess the feeling was just in my mind, and in my mouth kept too shout. I should talk more to him, about what I feel.

Thank you for the precious advice. It was what I needed. *hugs*

- Indi A.One

Aulawi Ahmad said...

hmm nice article Mrs D, tq 4 share :)

Crème de la crème said...

Hello, I must say I so glad I ran accross your blog. It's great. I'll definately be adding this to my google reader.

Thank you,

Ree,

http://reetreat.blogspot.com

Silvergirl said...

wow i love this article. this is perfect to a couple that they wanted to last there relationship, i agree that sex is the core of relationship. Fantasies will help each other deepest intimacy. hey thanks for this post.

ceemee said...

The thoughts here are quite true and applicable. Thanks for sharing this!

Yen said...

I am learning here. I see now, why it is very important to communicate such issue with your partner. Good post Ms. Dorothy. Thank you for sharing it here.

RE-POD313 Tech Tips said...

communication is very important in every relationship. without communication there is no relating. I've always enjoyed the most delicious fantasies with my lovers, if they were willing to go half on a fantasy. they always are. Great Post D, on a very important subject.

sexylegsandbody said...

As always you know just where to touch, so to speak...hehe... I fully agree with you. I think the longer a couple stays together, the easier to communicate. It however is of utmost importance to speak your piece when it comes to sexual matters. Very informative post, I think most ppl can learn from it.

Thanks for sharing Dorothy, and thanks for dropping a line on my last post. Always love to hear from you.

Have a lovely day.
Colin.

jenie=) said...

WELL SAID!

this really is a fact that i have recognized as well through the articles i have read and even from friends i had discussions with. it is commonly said to be "embarrassing" to unveil such concerns even to their partners who actually have seen everything. that their fantasies are almost the only thing they keep in between them...and not in a million years will they share it with anyone.

i'm not sure if this is just true to us Filipino's who are a bit more old fashioned still than the western culture. but yes, there is a very big percentage of partners not communicating such personal things in bed.

for me, i have not tried yet. i guess i will when i get married ;) for ONLY he definitely will have the right to know.

Rhodaline said...

I couldn't agree more with what you said in this entry, dorothy :) When I get married, I want to make my man happy, especially under the sheets. And I want to communicate everything with him. Good thing though that my boyfriend and I are open to each other right now about what we want and things we dislike :)

askcherlock said...

Such a good post, D, and even the title is creatively enticing. You are so right about talking about these issues. In any relationship, even a casual one, communication is essential if anything of quality is to be derived from it. Thank you for being the great life-coach you are!

Anonymous said...

It's comforting to know that I'm not the only woman who wonders, "Do I look fat to him?" during sex and allows that thought to interfere with experiencing pleasure.

Layla White, PoweredServices said...

Me and my husband never had problems talking about what we like to do while having sex. I feel that it gives us more pleasure and it makes us closer.

One of The Guys said...

Communication is the key to all aspects of a good relationship. Sex is just one part of that.

As far as sharing fantasies, I think it's fine as long as the fantasy doesn't involve another person, or involve some sort of act of infidelity. Some fantasies need to stay just that-fantasies!

But as far as sharing what you like, don't like, that is very important. But people need to be comfortable with themselves before they're even able to share with their partner. And that in itself can be a challenge.

Great post!

lina@women's perspectives said...

Thanks for this, D. I realize that I'm not truly 'honest' to my partner...

gleenn said...

I like this topic. Plenty of women, I say women because there are more of them than men, are shy to discuss matters of sex and fantasies. It is important that partners learn to be open so that both are able to discover each other and ultimately achieve orgasm and fulfillment in making love.

Thank you for discussing this topic, D. :)

Nooks n Corners said...

The thing that really caught my attention is the photo. Very artistic photo, and that is where I started reading the article. It describes well the agony between couples on the lack of communications.

ALBERT said...

Wow! amazing!! I read some sort of this stuff but this is very deep- Thanks for sharing. It is good too for us guys to know what our significant other is feeling. Keep it up Godbless

*MrsMartinez* said...

Hi there
I totally believe in what you are saying. Couple should open up to each other. Knowing yourself is the first step.Then sharing. Satisfaction you can get after is a huge reward ; )
xoxo
MrsM

Prasanna said...

Excellent article. Whatever you have written is true. Every man or woman goes through this problem in his or her life. If you have full confidence in your partner and you communicate properly, both will be happy. Yes, stress and workload are a part of todays living and they have taken a toll on our sexual lives. Everybody needs to understand his/her partner and give him/her ample time to get ready to get intimate both physically as well as mentally so that both can get the pleasure of having sex.

Tina T said...

You expressed this one so well. It is important to be able to discuss anything, even the topics that make us blush.

It is important for women and men to communicate because we do view sex differently. For women they say that foreplay begins when the day begins, which I think is true. We want to feel desired all day, not just right before it's time to hop in between the sheets.

If this is not communicated to a man, many will forget that we want to be touched, kissed etc. throughout the day, not just when it's time to "get some." Of course if you communicate that this is what you want, most men will happily show their affection before it's "bed time."

Dollar_dude said...

This is the top-notch article in this blog. You really made the couples to speak freely between sheets. Thanks for posting!!!

Health News Online said...

nice article dorothy

tim said...

wow, that is really exciting...

venus981 said...

first rule to solved any problem with communications. without that we cannot do anything. but to begin with, feels heavy. shy, embarrassed, scared, angry and so are the barriers that must be destroyed.

Julie G said...

To be free to share with anyone, you first must be free to share with yourself, to feel comfortable in your own skin. Look in the mirro and smile and yourself, to laugh out loud. When you can do that sharing with your partner is easier than you think. Have worthiness people have true deep worthy of self.

Lyla said...

your posts always touch my heart

Jasmine said...

I love this post.. My partner and I have gone through the same issues in the past and we have discovered that communication is the key.. once communication is in place it is very empowering..

Self Sagacity said...

when you're in an long term relationship and know your partner loves you no matter what, it is so different. all those questions are not so important and unnecessary. though you are right on about these feelings for some couples.

Lea said...

very well said Ms.Dorothy...that is why I love visiting this site to read and get some new that I could apply in my life...

f e R r y j H o i said...

Agree to the nth power Ms. D.

You know what, what me and my partner really enjoy is when after doing that big scene!! we talked about what we had, how much we like and enjoy each other's arms and fantacies. And it really works, I think we enjoy more the shake!!

Nice post here ^_^
thanks for making me realize that sharing your fantansies is a good thing to have within the relationships..

Cheers ^_^

Shinade said...

Hey D another great article. I am fortunate that Walter found all of my areas all on his own.

He is and always has been a most sensitive lover. However, I would never dare all of my fantasies with him. I know him too well after 28 yrs.

They wouldn't bother him but I prefer to keep them secret myself.

I hope you have been well. I am slowly making my way back into the blogging world and I have missed you!!

Big,ig hugs,
Jackie:-))))

C.J. said...

I just found your blog and decided to follow, then went over to your other blog ie. dating online and see that you have not posted for quite awhile. What a shame! I have recently started the on line game... and wanted/needed some answers, etc.
However am still glad I have found you. take care, Carol

Shinade said...

Hi D! Just popping in to wish you a good day and a wonderful week ahead!
Hugs,
Jackie:-)

tech news said...

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M money said...

Wow, this was a really quality post. In theory I’d like to write like this too – taking time and real effort to make a good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and never seem to get something done.

Berta Claire said...

If people would just focus on pleasure and not so much on vanity I believe that we could let go and enjoy ourselves without all the hangups. I think there are a lot of women who miss out in life by missing pleasure due to their hangups. Ahh, if life were a bit simpler. Great article!

bissell proheat said...

nowadays, people lack of communication between partners. this is happen because of work and also because of technology.when we talk about relationship especially "communication between the sheet", we need to think about it. we should talk about it. we doesn't know whether our partner satisfied or not if we not talk about that.believe me, if we want have good relationship forever, we need to talk about this.sometimes people doesn't realize why their relationship broke half way,because they don't want to talk about this important things.if we talk,it will help to give satisfaction for both.your home will fully shine with happiness.

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