Saturday, October 2, 2010

~Communication between the sheets~

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Funny how couples tend to avoid, become shy or even miss-communicate when certain discussions arise, for example the, 'between the sheets' topics such as sexual desires, fantasies, orgasms, and/ or the, 'this is where I want to be touched' issue. Partners essentially should be the ones open to discuss just about anything ..should they not?
It is said that some things should be kept in secret even in a relationship..sexual fantasies, for example can be seen as 'ones own' world of pleasure never to be shared...but what if you could share your secret fantasy with your partner and she/he actually shares that same fantasy with you or is willing to be part of that fantasy? How would you ever know if you do not share these thoughts.
Many men and woman have stated, that if their partners would be more open to their sexual fantasies...they would have no need to watch pornography`hence the need to be able to communicate ones sexual thoughts.
Yes, it has been said that once a sexual fantasy is brought into a reality it can change how you feel about your partner and/or be way too dangerous to deal with or leave behind. This is true IF the fantasy is not understood or acceptable between both partners. Again how will you know if you do not communicate these thoughts?
Sexual desires and the touch spots are vital to experiencing and enjoying a healthy sex life.
Here are some rules of thumb for you`......
Know thyself...Touch yourself ..find your sweet spots ..how can you communicate these feelings if you do not know where they are?
Trust thy partner...A must ..in order to feel comfortable enough to be able to communicate such private thoughts and desires with another.
Educate thy partner...He/she cannot read your mind ..how can you expect your partner to know where it feels good or what you truly desire between the sheets if you do not show him/her?
Performance pressures...Can't get it up/can't keep it up ...did you have an orgasm? ..do I look fat?...am I too old ...Gosh I am just so tired ...men and women both feel under tremendous pressure to perform in the sexual arena.
For those men that feel they are the only ones that experience performance pressure...WRONG...women also feel it and more. Women are the ones that are mainly faced with the 'did you or didn't you' question. Women feel inadequate if they do not. They also fear making their partners feel inadequate if they don't. Lets not forget the struggles with the female confidence battle..hence the 'turn off the lights' preference. I will take it a step further and bring forth the conflict of who is at fault if the man cannot get it up so to speak or keep it up.
This is a partnership...a team effort and no one person is responsible ...what is responsible is the lack of communication between the sheets. Without understanding and honest sharing...how can any partnership be healthy and successful?
I am sure this has a familiar ring to it for many when engaging in sex with your partner....
If it is not obvious...the man asks the woman if she has had an orgasm...pressure rises...the woman hesitates and says, 'yes' .. or.. 'don't worry about it ...as long as you had one ...I don't have to have an orgasm to enjoy sex with you'~
The man then feels incomplete or inadequate as it is not 'ok'...he wants to know that his partner has enjoyed their sexual endeavors just as much as he did...nor does he comprehend her thought of enjoying sex without an orgasm~
You can however look at it this way...guys/girls...it really is OK to just enjoy kissing, coupling or simply hugging and yes a person can get a lot of pleasure from just that. It does not always have to be the worlds biggest explosion nor is it something to take personally or as a sign of inadequacy. Like everything in life...simply find a balance. Sometimes the smallest pleasures are absolutely amazing and memorable. Communicate with each other, that it really is OK ...
What I have shared with you above barely touches the list of the 'lack of' in communication amongst partners between the sheets. Can you imagine how much more fun and worry-free life would be if we could only learn to share our thoughts and feelings with the one we deem to be our life partner?
~Be honest with yourself and then share that honesty with your partner....it truly is a key to happiness between the sheet~
 ~D~


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