Wednesday, November 17, 2010

~Lights On...Lights Off~


Men ask....
Why do women prefer the lights off during intimate relations ... commonly known as sex?
Probably for the same reason that they dread thier reflection from the lights in certain department store fitting rooms..every little thing they consider an imperfection which is normally tucked underneath clothing is amplified or seen....or so they think~ They tend to feel very vulnerable which more than not enhances their lack of confidence in their beauty and their sexuality.
How they view their bodies is exactly how they think thier partners are viewing them also. What we have here is a definite confidence issue or the lack of it...resulting in wanting the lights off.

Woman ask...
Why is it that men prefer the lights on...during intimate relations...commonly known as sex?
Men are visual creatures, we already know this. It is as simple as that. Their feelings of arousal begin through thier visual senses in many cases . Men love woman...with clothes on and with clothes off. Men do not see a woman's body as she does. If he smiles and wants you, trust that he is not going to judge you. Men do not disect their partners body. It is so not about that, contrary to what so many woman believe. Men get more turned on when his partner is open and free with her body to not only himself but also to his body. He reacts to her passions and her sexual desires and that is all that matters at that point.
We all know that when we are aroused the last thing we are thinking about is what he looks like or what she looks like. Just being at the stage of lights on or off...both partners have already decided that they want that person.

~With television and Internet's endless collection of what is deemed as 'eye candy' or 'the perfect body', it is no wonder that a women's confidence and self-assuredness are feeling challenged every minute of the day.
What  women  need to realize is that in reality...there is no perfect body. Believe it or not...most men already know this and they most certainly do not want what the media portrays as a perfect partner. Men will choose who they themselves deem as the perfect partner for them and to them.
Loving another person and sharing sexual intimacies goes far past the outer image issue. It is about wanting to be with that person because of who they are and missing them when they are not with you.
Sexual connections are an amazing key to keeping a relationship growing.  Sexual connections are a language in themselves. When we as woman want the lights off...what we are really saying to our partners is that we do not trust that they truly love us for who we are. 

~The longer we keep the lights off...the longer we live in the dark~

~D~


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39 comments:

Shinade said...

Shoot after almost 30 years I don't care..on..off..makes no difference...he's stuck with me now!!

Great post though and very very true. I don't mind where Walter is concerned but I do have a negative exaggerated image of myself in my own head!!

Another wonderful post!
Jackie:-)

zoan said...

I like this post and it is my first time here :)

I get your point and yes I am one of those who prefer the lights to be turned off. maybe because I am shy or I am afraid that my man will not like what he sees :(

but then again, maybe I will try to make some change. ahaha :)

you can visit my blog : http://www.zowanderer.com

if you have the time :)

gleenn said...

This is a common issues among partners. It's often seen in movies too, especially the Cameron Diaz's sister in "In her Shoes." The guy wants to turn on the lights to see her full body while she's too shy that he always turns off the lights.

Personally though, I would prefer turning the light lower, not off, dim light maybe, for a more romantic atmosphere. :)

Lovely post, D! :)

ladymishel said...

From now on I'll keep the lights on! =)

Metallman said...

Hey there D,

I used to have this conversation with my wife all the time during our intimate time. She wanted the lights out and I wanted them on. After awhile, she started to feel better about leaving the lights on and I've noticed that she'll interact with me more when they are. It's a matter of feeling good about yourself and feeling good about your partner.

sheila said...

It's weird even when I was much younger and new I looked hot, I STILL wasn't comfortable enough to show all - but after 13 years with the same guy who I know could care less what I look like - the pressure is gone. Once you quit worrying about whether you have a dimple on your butt or not you can just let loose and enjoy. I say lights on!

Zaenal Arifin said...

nice blog... :)
success for you.. ^_^

moongoddesslei said...

Lights off for women, because they're too insecure with their body :)

Lights on for men, because they need to see to enjoy more.lolz

Sound Proud International said...

this is a very good post, women love to hide their insecurities that's why they prefer lights off
on the other hand, men wants to make sure that they are performing well, which is also another sign of insecurity on their part so it's light on for them.

Josie said...

I still prefer the light off, not that I'm insecure or anything, not anymore after being married for more than 20 years, it feels more romantic touching each other in the dark (for me, lol). nice article as always Dorothy...

avatarlady said...

Turning the light on will just make the guy look freaky. Turning it off will make him interesting and handsome. LOL

Women are the prettiest when naked so it doesn't matter to me and to men whether lights off or on.

William K Wallace said...

A few years back when I was running around with lots of different girls, there was one or two that I definitely preferred that the lights were switched of or I was glad it was dark in the park, because some of them weren't the prettiest girls I have ever known if you know what I mean...la de da!

MdAmor said...

You gave a very good explanation for 'lights off'. Unfortunately most women have a low opinion about their bodies and are very self conscious. That is a terrible shame.

sexylegsandbody said...

From a man's point of view, ladies, we do not notice stretch marks, we do not notice cellulite, we do not notice dimples or what ever it is that you think might distract us. What we see is what we love and as you said correctly Dorothy, men like to look, and we like to see what we are getting into, no pun intended. Not so we can inspect the partner's body for 'mistakes', but because our partner's body turns us on.

This is a very sensitive subject Dorothy and I am so glad to see you touch on it. Thanks for sharing, I wish all women all over the world can read this and believe it.

Have a stunning weekend.

Colin.

Shinade said...

I'm just popping in to say hello and send wishes for a great week!
Hugs,
Jackie:-)

ceemee said...

This is a great post, it's enlightening. I didn't have a problem whether the lights are on or off, I dunno why, but there are times I get shy with my hubby. :-)

Controversial Issues said...

Great post, D.
I just started my blog, and would like to invite you to come over.

Aulawi Ahmad said...

I agree with "The longer we keep the lights off...the longer we live in the dark", but i think that all depending with our passion of sex :)

☆♥Shydub♥☆ said...

I prefer lights off. Now I know. Thanks for the insightful post.

Anonymous said...

People evolve with time dorothyl....

Michelle said...

Great advice! love reading your posts. They are always so thought provoking and well written :)

ManOverBoard.com said...

Excellent post as usual. A very interesting one I have to say. Something as simple as a light and intimacy. I enjoy both with and without lights on. I believe it really comes down to the mood, your partner and the place you enjoying it with your partner. Of course if the place happens to be outside and enjoying mother nature, then it comes down to if you enjoy night time or daytime sex :-).

Daily Inspirations said...

Brilliant post. I appreciate you sharing it !

Lainy said...

Glenn is right, D. This is indeed a very interesting post. I am not married as of yet but once married, I would love to explore both and my fiance (later my husband) and I will have to see for ourselves where we feel comfortable.

Thanks for leaving your thoughts at Lainy's Musings, D. You've said everything perfectly ;-)

See yah!

Love,
LAINY
www.lainyonline.com
www.scottzprincess.com

alvi said...

aweasome blog..i like your blog..sucses for you!!

So Close said...

Interesting post... I think it all goes back to self esteem. And women embracing who they are and what they bring to table. How wonderful that is and how thankful men are for women. Lies hide in the dark. More lies women tell themselves...
http://shakingthebox.blogspot.com/

Veena said...

Nice post. A very interesting one I have to say. Something as simple as a light and intimacy.
Woman are passive in nature ..that's why emotional..they love to see caring .. are more shy ..so don't want to exposed under light
Men are different animal and they want to see whole body and enjoy it ..nothing wrong..

Marj said...

Great insights! I don't care either off and on. I am pretty secure with him.

Btw, I like your posts.

deejay said...

excellent post! but i prefer lights off, lol.

The Painted Veil said...

I hope you have a lovely Sunday and a great week!
Hugs,
Jackie

Pang haidar said...

visits to the two-time .. love this pic

thanks for visiting my blog http://panghaidar.blogspot.com ^.^

Con Artist Trickster said...

Well, I'm more concerned about the last issue you named there. About the "eye candy" thing. I guess, amid the mass "persuasion to be pretty" nowadays,it's getting harder for us (women, and men alike probably) to stick with their own idea of beauty.

Wilmaryad said...

Hello, Dorothy. Good to be back on here. :)

I'm a fervent advocate of "genitals were made to be felt, not stared at."

But if women like it in the dark, to have the impression their men can't see them in detail, all they need to do is close their eyes. I hear closing eyes makes the experience more pleasurable. :p

Women, all you need to be wearing to send your man into a frenzy is lipstick. Nothing more.

Magazine models stimulate a man's imagination but paper won't satisfy his urge.

You naked body will. :)

Jennifer is Always Sick said...

You gotta find that in between. The right lighting sets the mood. Turn on the hall or bathroom light, or light some candles. :) That's how I like it, especially if they are scented candles.

bissell proheat said...

i think when the light off is better to make any movement or get to intimacy. but it is better if we have dim light. it is arouse romantic scene. it will help to give great intimacy. i choose light on but in dim.

Deena (CWS) said...

A few times when I've wanted to have the light ON, the guy has said he wanted it off! I know women are more likely to be overly cautious about exposing their bodies to the light, but it's good to remember that some men are, too. Maybe some mutual admiration is in order.

Brooke at Love's Gumbo said...

I go to the Korean Spa, a place that requires you to be naked. I see all types of bodies there, and guess what they are all beautiful. I think we feel a lot more self-conscious about how we look, when men are just thankful to see us naked at all:)

Anonymous said...

i hope i meet a guy who cares less about how his partner looks underneath her clothes.

unfortunately for me, i've been judged one too many times so even having an intimate relationship scares me... after the lights are turned on, their interest in me changes as well... :(

nat said...

What a great post...And oh so true...
I honestly prefer the lights off...I like the last sentence..how if they didn't want to be with you they wouldn't be there with you ! :)
GREAT site...I don't think we've ever had the lights on...8 yrs later!