Saturday, June 5, 2010
The action of Abuse knows absolutely no limitations...it knows no relationship, color, gender or age. It is one of the most shaming, scarring and traumatic experiences a human mind will ever have to conceive and/or overcome.
Abuse is one of those words that society will never fail to turn into shame...it is why I have named it a ' HUSH WORD'. It happens every second of every day in every relationship and somehow kept very hush..hush~
Believe me when I say this...it is happening in your neighborhood if not in your own home right now. It is what most people, that are victims work very hard at hiding because of many reasons, shame being one. Another being the realization that they are in fact in an abusive relationship and will be forced to deal with it if they admit it to anyone especially to themselves.
Victims will go to any length to hide their abuse, not so much to protect their abuser, more so to protect themselves.
Ask yourself these questions...answer them honestly.
-What is abuse to you?
-How far does your partner have to go in a violent manner before you would consider it abuse?
-Have you given up your friends and your family because your partner demanded you do so?
-Do you ignore name calling or verbal abuse?
-Have you forgiven your partner for more than one beating?
-Do you fear your partner?
-Do you stop breathing when your partner gets angry?
-Are you a different person when your partner is in the room?
-Do you feel trapped financially?
-Do you accept the abuse out of the fear for your children?
-Have you ever lied to protect your abuser?
-Do you lie to protect your own reality?
-Do you accept the blame for your partners negative reactions?
-Do you ever hope that things will be like they once were?
-Do you feel like you are drowning from abuse?
Do you abuse your partner?
If you choose to ignore the fact that you are being abused, either verbally, mentally or physically...you have only yourself to blame and you are in fact enabling the abuser to continue or to feel justified.
An abuser wears many different hats...acts in many different personalties and is very, very desperate to be in control. Control is the basis of abuse. Fear is the weapon used. Many women have dealt with it in either their life as a child, their relationships or their work place. An abuser will use any type of control to win over the victim. A strong and healthy self-esteem is one weapon that an abusive person cannot control. In many cases the abuser will immediately turn away from a stronger more self confident person and seek out a person with a much weaker self-esteem and self-confidence as they are much easier targets.
Why, we ask do they allow the abuse? I believe it is more than not because..it is so much easier for some women to allow it then to fight it. It becomes predictable, what they know or if they have already been abused, it is all they know. It is also a form of security for them. They can depend on that control to guide them otherwise they would have to be their own controller.
Life can be very scary when you have no confidence, when you are made to feel and believe that you would never make it without them and/or then we have the fear factor. The type of fear that consumes you, a fear that goes straight to the pit of your stomach. Also the type of fear that disables any type of rational or intelligent thoughts you may have had at one time. This type of fear can also turn you against yourself, always doubting the reality of the situation.
As in any form of abuse, people have a hard time identifying with the fact that they are victims of abuse. It is or it becomes a way of life that until they really notice that it is NOT a happy life, do they start to search for answers or reach out for help. Some never get away and some even die~
I am sure we have all met a person throughout out lives that we either witnessed or maybe just had a feeling that they were being abused...Did we help them or tell them they should leave...perhaps we did... but the chances are great that they probably denied it and possibly stopped being our friend. It is like any addiction or self-destruction, one must see it for themselves in order to change it.
Not to encouraging, is it? It most certainly is not, but that's why so many good doctors and therapists and just ordinary people like myself that genuinely care about others write books and articles for our blogs. We do it because we know that just maybe someone out there will read our articles and will finally look at their life and do something to gain their respect back, before their self-esteem is so low down they can never possibly see getting it up again.
Abuse is an ugly word and I call it a 'HUSH WORD' .....
because no-one talks about it.
We need to bring all these words out in the open, there is so much help out here for you. And YES you can do it and YES you can live a good life without it. To beat any issue we fight inside ourselves or in our daily lives is a HUGE step to a better you, a stronger you, a much more beautiful and freer you.
One more thing before I sign off...
Upon visiting one of my favorite Guy blogs..'The Guys Perspective' ..I noticed that they accepted an interesting challenge that was put out to all men, which consisted of sharing and/or passing on a rather upsetting reality check post based on the concerns of women, hate and The Internet
I truly commend you 'Guys' on your awesome character and choice as this post is not only a revealing truth, it is also, in short, 'bang on' as to what has been going on for centuries and still continues on in full force throughout the Internet~
The author of this very effective post.. Hate Crimes, Women and the Internet is a dear friend of mine, Cher from AskCherlock ...yet another one of my favorite places to spend my time reading and getting educated on all issues of the world~