I don't know about you, but I personally have read hundreds of books and articles on the differences between males and females and still remain mystified.. I have even spent a lot of time researching through questioning and observing males and females over the years and still, I am not quite satisfied .. Call it...curiosity or simply an innate need to know, why the two genders whom were created to compliment and relate to each other naturally, spend more time and reasons to not!
We all know the facts..males are visually stimulated...they think in very matter-of-fact minds, they are the hunters and protectors, where females are the complex thinkers, the nurturers, care givers and so very emotionally driven.
We also know they somewhere deep inside both genders do not feel accomplished until they have found a partner to share a relationship with.
Since the beginning of time, males and females were created to move forward, each in their own natural and individual directions. Somewhere along the line..this course of nature was altered...both genders lost their natural direction. Today, both genders spend more time either trying to change the other or trying to change themselves in order to be accepted by the other.
Through our human desire to constantly advance, whether it be through education or the lack of it, the woman's movement to gain independence or the need to live in a technical and material world, we have managed to completely change natures course. Is it any wonder that men are confused as to their masculinity and their reason for being or why women are so caught up in this need to be independent and superior? We have in fact created our own monstrous and unnatural genders...for lack of a better phrase!
One thing is certain, we find ourselves confused and constantly questioning why we are who we are and why we are where we are. Hence the feelings of being on an endless journey of never quite understanding each other.
The mysteries of the male and female really are not that complicated. It truly is all about acceptance, understanding and allowance of natural growth. Accepting each gender for who they are and how they think instead of trying to stifle and/or change who they are or how they think is how nature meant it to be.
Using acceptance, trust and love when we decide to commit to a relationship will guide you in the direction of natures course.
~Knowledge and understanding of the mysteries of the male and the female, comes without question through the 'acceptance of what is'~
~D~
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34 comments:
Oh, I really missed reading your article. I have not been here for quiet a while. And it is nice to be back.
You are right Ms. D. Males and Females are two individuals who are like two universe apart. But differences does not matter as long as we accept and love the person. We always have to think that one person is a unique individual. No matter how tried to understand the complexity of our behavior, it is one aspect that we could not fathom. But then if you love someone, you will always find a way to understand and accept its special traits and character.
Goodluck as always Ms. D.
Do you noticed that lately couples getting easier to gave up on their marriage, compared to olden days? Do you think this is because lacked of acceptance?
i admit that sometime i always control on things around us..and it really give him a headache..i realized that they think differently..sad to say..it's over
@ MOB..Glenn..relationships are anything but simple as we all know. It takes a lot of time, patience, understanding and knowledge of each other in order to find that eb & flo we all strive to have between two people.
Those questions you continue to stumble on are in a sense guided steps for you to take so that you can understand your partner. It is in your nature to want to understand and that my friend is why you are still in long lasting relationship. It is those who do not recognize their course that either give up or ignore it for whatever reasons. My thought in regards to males and females not being complicated stands strong as we as an individual are not. If we can accept each gender for their differences and not try and change them to fit a mold that was not meant to be...I can assure you that the relationship aspect would have a lot less bumps to get over.
In allowing the women to be her innate self also teachers her in some sense by example to also allow the man to be his innate self....same goes in reverse.
WE can take this a step further in where your confusion comes into play with your doubts...what tends to send each gender off the track also comes from the conditional upbringing they undergo once they are born and begin life. In saying that...it is not who we are that is confusing..it is who we have become due to the conditioning in our lifetime.
Once we can separate the two...it makes things much clearer as too the why's of so many issues.
P.S...An expert I am not..You bet I have read over 100 books ..if it involves women and issues...I want to read it~
@ Melanie....Thanks so much girl...keep in mind..love has to be reciprocal in any relationship as it takes two to make it~
@ VanillaSeven..I would say that couples are not lasting for several reasons...one most definitely being that neither is allowing the time for understanding and accepting.
Then we have the world of material bliss that seems to take precedent in so many relationships ...some people are more concerned about working long hours for extra money to purchase 'toys' than they are spending time at home.
We also have the change in how women feel about being the homemaker. The women's movement was a huge deterrent in women leaving the home and becoming an equal in the workplace leaving no one to steer the ship. Don't get me wrong on this point....I personally am a very independent woman and I have worked since I was eleven years old..however through my own experiences I stand strong on the fact that because the woman was the glue that kept things together so to speak...her changing her role most definitely changed the meaning of the home especially when there are children involved~
Once we try and mirror our opposite gender...we seem to forget our own natural means~
I couldn't agree with you more! Over the last 50 years, things have really changed. I mean, even look at the roles of man and woman back in the 40's. I long to go back to that time, or earlier, when things were simpler, maybe a little tougher, but men were men and women were women. I know some feminists would not agree with me. I have had the independent, free-woman life. I much prefer taking on traditional roles anyday!
@ABJ....I also think that going back to basics and simplicity is very inviting. I have never been a feminist per-say..but I do believe in equality in-regards to respect and acceptance of the opposite gender.
My own upbringing has put me on a road of being a very independent person which does tend to play havoc in the natural course of being female.....which in-turn makes it very hard for most males to understand my need to be in control~
Do I want to be considered an equal to a male...NO... Then I would have to deal with my own gender from their perspective and I would much rather have the easier end of that stick :)
What strikes me is that only a woman could say this. While I agree with you, if THE GUYS or ONE of THE GUYS said this, we would probably be labeled as sexist. Interesting thought.
I think there is a lot of confusion in the world and identities have changed so much that people don't know which was is up.
I'm all for equal rights and equal opportunity, but there is no denying that men and women are innately different. And that's a good thing!!
@One of the Guys...
Just in your thought about being considered sexist if you brought this topic up...says so much about how discombobulated @ defensive we have become. We are without a doubt different in our human design and way of thought processing but we are all equal in the fact that we are human beings.
I definitely agree that the differences are a very good thing~
Such an interesting post, D. Roles have changed over the years, often because of divorce and women needing to take the lead in providing for their children by the necessity or desire for a career or because men have abandoned their leadership roles. Until men assume some responsibility for the disparity between the sexes, it may take a long time for us to meld together as we should.
I have always believed that true love is unconditional, accepting the faults and flaws of one another as well as the commonalities. It is the differences between the sexes that make them viable as partners. We need men to "man-up" and become the leaders in their homes that they were meant to be. Perhaps then, there can be a re-feminization of women.
i agree with you - ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY!
if only both male and female accepts the other as they are...plus securing the other that he or she is accepted.
yet again, i love your wisdom, ms. d! thanks for adding ;)
Right on, Dorothy L!
I am in my second marriage and now old enough to appreciate the truth and wisdom in what you have written. Today I know that I married Gail because I was smitten by the way she thinks/acts/feels/etc. Then there are those moments when I may be a little irritated by one of our little differences. In the past, I would have wanted her to change to be more like me. Today, I am able to quickly recognize those moments, and just as quickly appreciate her for all she is, for those exact differences. She is who she is, and I love her just that way, and I am grateful that she has chosen to share it all with me!
every person is different in one way or another that is why understanding and acceptance of our differences is one of keys for a lasting relationship.
I also read books especially understanding men in particular. Sometimes those books are confusing me because some say this and other say that. I don't know but what I believe now is focus in understanding your partner rather than understanding men in general because this things might work for others but now with your partner.
Your articles really makes me think. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and thank you for accepting my award for. You are indeed sweet and nice!
Thank goodness for the differences between men and women, it would have been mighty boring to go to bed with someone who looks like me, thinks like me, acts like me, or pees like me. And we would have been fighting constantly, coz I cannot picture myself living with someone like me...haha.
I believe, and mostly also because I am currently in my second marriage and have grown up a mite, that there are differences, and as long as you respect your other halves opinion and modus operandi, things will work out in the end. (make no mistake, there will be arguments, but at least it will not be without respect for your other halves opinion)
On the subject of why there are so many divorces, also my opinion, but I base that on statistics and experience, sad to say, people that marry purely because of sexual attraction, and not love, have a smaller chance of making a marriage work than a couple who fall in love first, before any sexual activity, and only then have sex and marry or marry and then have sex.
I think that the reason so many actors and actresses get divorced is for the same reason. They play in a movie, find each other sexually attractive, start a sexual relationship, think they are in love, and get married. Once the sex flame starts burning lower, or once the woman realizes that the man (hero) has to, like all other man, have to put his pants on one leg at a time, and once the man realizes the woman (princess) also looks like any other woman first thing in the morning, the flame dies quick enough. If there is no love, the marriage dies with it. Think about the brat and Jennifer Aniston, and then again the brat and Angelina Joli, etc...
I hope that makes sense, I am no expert, but I talk from experience, almost 40 years of experience...
Have a wonderful day Dorothy, great subject!
Colin.
thanks 4 visit ...
good luck..
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so true D.... I agree! compromise and understanding added with respect ... thanks for dropping by.
Love reading your post, D.
You're right, males and females are very different, but they can complete one another and become a good team :)
Hi...dorothy
You have sweet and sexy blog and I add ur blog in my blogroll please add my link too in ur blogroll :D
@ Sexylegsandbody.. Collin..so very true...there are so many different reasons why people marry or commit to a relationship all thinking it is in the name of Love. It might very well be the newness that partners experience at first that is the blinding light. This newness feeling or stage of every relationship can be in fact what contributes to the Love is blind theory..which in turn when not allowed to level out before the actual commitment is made...the crack in the wall so to speak.
A relationship will always stand on a strong foundation when the proper material is used and the proper amount of time is spent building it.
The material is all about knowledge acceptance and understanding.
Acceptance being number 1 in my books.
I have said this many times..." It is not about changing your partner into who you want them to be...rather...accepting them for who they want to be which is who they are~~
I always love to read your blog Ms. D and this one makes me admire you most.
I agree that males and females has its own individuality even identical twins has their own indentity. And I think that is one of the reasons why some relationships won't last. Acceptance and trust is a big key and you are right with that.
Learn to accept that in reality nobody is perfect that can fit with our expectations towards the another.
Nice entry here Ms. D.
Goodspeed
Hi D, thanks for dropping by Woman’s elan vital and for the comment, I appreciate it.
I agree with you D, I too has been reading a lot of resources understanding the makes of both gender, but I cease to.... I think its already a matter of compromise...
Just stopping in to say hi. Hope you had a nice long weekend. Looking forward to your next thought provoking post. Take care!
hi,
i want to share that male & female r opposite poles of magnet...& we all know that opposite poles attract each other.
luv to see u on my blog too.
I had one reader to my blog who complained not being able to understand her man
She was in an interracial relationship. It took me time till my team could counsel her.
Though gender instincts all over the globe should be the same, interracial relationships tend to paint a different picture than our usual same race ones
Dorothy, that's why gays were created - to have both men and women hate on them, because they encompass the positives and negatives of both genders. LOL
Kidding aside, the ultimate goal for men and women should be to fusion together so as to reach perfect complementarity. Only then, differences will melt away, leaving room for much-needed harmony.
Until then, straight women will continue to find a forbidden fruit in their gay male friends (an unattainable better version of "all men are dogs"), and men will continue bedding more women to feel masculine (with the pretext that this is how they were made, by design).
Good luck, folks! :D
Wilmaryad Oscallas ...I couldn't agree more. I often wonder about all of the chemical unbalances that have created the differences in sexual preferences. When we have same gender relationships ...one is always the more feminine one and the other the more masculine. Similar personality differences as if they were seen physically as a male and a female~ So if we take away the outer shells of human beings and relate only to the meetings and relationships of the minds...would same sex relationships still be so hard for people to accept?
Oh I think this may just be deep enough for another post :)
One other item to look at (which unfortunately has hit home recently and thus the desire to post anonymously) is the increase in females having affairs. In addition, the increase in females having not just an emotional (more traditional and more accepted by men) but a physical affair as well (hated by the men).
Note that this is another impact of improved birth control on the changing roles of women and men.
And the antithesis is that since more women are in affairs and desire the emotional side, more men are finding emotional connection in their affairs as well (which women hate).
Studies show an increase in affairs, which has increased the divorce rate. And an increase in those affairs being BOTH emotional and physical which is increasing the divorce rate even more.
Your article very meaningful. I can't stop it to read. but, I believe both of man and woman strive to invent a meaningful their world
hello madam, h r u :)
There are many theories as to what makes a fetus grow to be gay. For example, it's been found that if the kid is the youngest, has 2 elder brothers and is right handed, his chances of becoming gay are pretty high. Go figure. But if you think of the concept of "latent homosexuality" existing between all men, you'd conclude all men are born with a predisposition to becoming gay. However, environment is pivotal in shaping up the little boy's sexual orientation. After comparing my experience with many other gay men, over the years, I have reached the following conclusion:
Many, if not most, gay men have either had (1) a violent/ alcoholic/ cold and distant/ absent father; (2) an overbearing/ strict/ violent/ absentee mother; (3) been exposed to some form of child sexual abuse.
Oddly, these points infuriated most guys I talked with, because they refuse to attribute their sexual orientation to childhood trauma, and prefer to link it to nature, nor nurture.
In closing, some of the gay community needs to show tolerance towards its own members before demanding it from outside the community. The current dynamics of Gaydom, as my friend Ticklebear calls it, are just off-the-hook difficult!
Oh well ... :)
@Wilmaryad...
I too am very drawn out in thought in how you express your interpretation of people and societies meandering and very molding ways.
I have often wondered..if both male and female were in clone type outer shells...more of relationships of the mind...would it be so difficult to simply accept others for who they are or find comfort in being.
Your thought on men that are living a gay lifestyle learning to understand, not judge and accept their close neighbors of like is a very effective one.
But is that not part and parcel of being human in every way shape and form. Do we not continuously spend way too much time voluntarily or not in judging, outcasting because we feel that we are the all knowing and the mold of perfection?
People are people...we do not have the rights on signing the book of life as not one of us can stake that claim to authorship.
I have always liked this little saying...Sweep of your own doorstep...before you begin to sweep off anyone one else's'
Again my dearest friend...another very inspiring comment and I look forward to the day that I can actually have a tea with you and share a few thoughts with you verbatim ~
Hello Dorothy.
As long as we will have the ability to think, we will always judge. Judging has been given a negative connotation, much like criticizing, while both mean decorticating a fact into positive and negative. That's how I see it anyways. Blame us Libras! ,-)
I wrote something quite lengthy but opted for going with something reasonable. I'd rather have us ponder the world over a much-appreciated tea cup. How did you know I am not a coffee person? :)
I hope you won't mind tea over Skype's video + audio chat. The tea and company will remain as good. :)
Excellent post! I agree with you. Too many women today say there are no differences between men and women. That is a large part of the problem. We must accept and celebrate the differences, and come together in our oneness! Equal yet different. Now THAT is beautiful!
krissy knox :)
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