Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Is your partner......

Imprisoned by low self-esteem?

When I refer to a low self-esteem...I am not talking about a whimsical moment where one feels a little out of sorts or a typical bad hair day...I am talking about a persons mind feeling like it is caught up in such a whirlwind of self doubt that no matter how many times they try to grab hold of something to stop this hurricane of self-doubt...they instantly lose their grip. They cannot comprehend the importance of loving thyself first or unconditional self-love.

Guys...I am sure some, maybe even many of you can attest to the fact that it is very frustrating to try and deal with a woman that feels less than, like she is a nobody or that she will never be enough for you. Her focus is totally on your love and acceptance other than her own!
No matter what you say to encourage her, you feel like your words have fallen on deaf ears. You try very hard to show that you are very much interested in her and that she is exactly who you desire and still...she somehow manages to interpret it the wrong way. You end up dealing with jealousy issues over things that only she can see and you yourself end up beginning to feel like you have failed her in some way.

Well, if you think it is frustrating for you..........

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80 comments:

lina-happy family said...

Great advice, Dorothy...
You're right, we should help and accompany our spouse to get out from any difficulties...

PJ said...

having my self esteem shot down in my teen years and continuing into my thirties, it took me a very long time to start recovering some of that. i don't know if i will ever be totally "there", just that i continue to work on it to this day. i know that i have made incredible progress and i can be very proud of myself for that. the flashbacks are very far and few between anymore, but they do still rear their ugly head. the relationship that i am in right now i will have to say is the best one that i have ever experienced as far as being a great esteem booster. he isn't demeaning or belittling, aggressive or insulting. he doesn't smother me with compliments or fake concern. he is good for me in this aspect, and someone that i need in my life right now.

you are very wise dorothy and offer your wisdom unconditionally. thank you for that and for your friendship.

RE Ausetkmt said...

D, OOoooooooOOOOoooooOooooohhhhh..
You Hit the bullseye dead center with this one.

This is why visiting you is so rewarding.

Sunshine, Hugz and a Piece of Watermelon My Sweet and Wise Friend.

Shawie said...

Those are excellent points, Ms. Dorothy...very realistic & very helpful. I liked the way you point out the compassion & tolerance one should give to someone who struggled for such low self-esteem.

btw, I had included your great blog on my blogroll:) thanks for asking...
enjoy your day!

askcherlock said...

Low self-esteem is a dreadful place to be. My husband taught me that those who love "lift one another up." He was so right. If you can lift each other's esteem, value, or confidence, it is the most rearding part of a marriage or relationship. Why people choose to destroy each other can only be for control. How terribly sad. Thanks for yet another insightful post, dearest D.

Mel said...

I can apply this with my niece. She is really having issues about her self esteem causing her marriage to fail. My attempt to help her failed because she has placed an invisible fence around her.
Great article. Thanks for sharing.

Dhemz said...

this is very interesting post Ms.D....very helpful indeed...I had a low self-esteem before...I get depress so easily....I am glad that hubby helped me out to gain my confidence back....:)

Meryl (proud pinay) said...

interesting post! when i'm depressed my family and hubby is always there to cheer me up ^_^e

chubskulit said...

It takes two to tango so we should always be there for one another or else we will start falling apart.. great article!

marveling said...

thanks for sharing this deep thoughts ms. dorothy!

katherine said...

Hi Dorothy, thanks for this post but it is my husband has a very, very low esteem. No self-confidence, easily to get annoyed. But i always understand him. I just hope he will change.

London Escorts said...

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Maria said...

I certainly know what it's like to be a "bottomless pit". I often wondered if it was harder for me or my partner to feel that way. You give so much great advice here that I sure wish I'd read when I waas much younger!

Hi! I'm Grace said...

Thanks for sharing this to us, Dorothy. I learn a lot. I know a person who have this problem.

kani said...

Hi friend u r blog nice...pls cm again by indianrocksstar

Jarlin said...

Long post, but great advice...thanks for sharing.

sexy legs and body said...

I guess I am very fortunate in that I do not have this problem in my relationship. But I do agree, if one suffers, both suffer, there is not doubt about that, and I talk from previous experience. Great post, as always Dorothy!
Colin.

freebby said...

Nice advice.

I have a friend who, I think, also has a low self-esteem. It's good to have these advices to help her get out of her self and be confident in facing the world again.

Great site. I'll refer this site to her. This is a great read.

Thanks

Irfan "melodic" Nugroho said...

Hi Mrs Dorothy, how are you doing today? Well, this is great!

In a very often time I found my girl considering herself low self-esteem. I've tried to encourage her, but she keeps insisting that she is nothing, compared to other girls.

But when I read yours, I found an elightenment. Thank you Mrs...

Best regards,

Irfan Melodic Nugroho
Melodramatic Mind

Facts on the Recent News

Tina T said...

You got right to the heart of the issue, but as always in such a beautiful way. I whole-heartedly agree about self esteem issues so often being rooted in childhood.

I receive postings from women all the time who want to stay in verbally abusive relationships for the children, but I receive many replies from adults who are products of those relationships who grew up with both parents but had deep rooted self esteem issues. I always hope that they will find that partner who can help pull them out since therapy can only do so much.

Anonymous said...

I hope all future and current parents will realize how their behaviour might influence on their child self-esteem. It is very important for everyone to understand it in order to help ourselves and then to prevent in in future generation.
If one has a partner with this issue, I would recommend to ask yourself first: "why did I attract this kind of person?"
Others are the reflection of our inner side.

BADZ said...

i like ur post.. now finally im here.i got so much points to learn from u.

sometimes, i really feel self pity.feeling my self esteem has been totally a black & off. i just tell to myself dat tomorrow wud be anoder day..

VanillaSeven said...

Agree with you D, in the end, we need both hands to clap. Both party need to be in agreement that they willing to work this out. Great advise.

Gracie said...

Great articles. You have a very juicy article. I like it. I hope you are always ok. Take care!

fickleinpink said...

family and friends islways a great support system!

great advice!

Heart of The Rain said...

I often confused how to dealing with woman who suffers from a low self-esteem. They are so sensitive, too sensitive in fact, and that make ma hard to said anything becouse once I make mistake even just a single word,thought it would make it worse.Yor post give me a clue about a woman's thought, and may be I could understand them for a little now :)

Clarissa said...

I am like that before when I was still single,having very low self esteem made me look so ugly,not the looks but the inside me.Good that my husband changed me and learned a lesson!
Great article,Ms Dorothy L!!^_^

Irfan Melodic said...

Hi Mrs Dorothy, I have left a comment here yesterday, why I doesn't appear yet.

Is the comment form is "women only" area? :))

hehehe

Best regards,

Irfan Melodic Nugroho
Melodramatic Mind

Facts on the Recent News

gleenn said...

I once lost a potential guy simply because of an unguarded insecurity. It taught me how important a good self esteem in a relationship. thanks D! That's another great article.

gab's mom said...

hey Dorothy, sometimes it's tiring to deal with people of very low self esteem, but i guess your pieces of advice will make it a lot easier.

i have a friend who always feels sorry about who she is and what she always ends up with. one trick that always works is I give her experiences that I had in the past that's similar to whatever she is whining about and i make her realize that there's another way of looking at the scenario. ;-)

thanks for your great words! :-)

Liza said...

Great post! I'm lucky to have a very supportive husband, and at times that my self esteem is low, he's always there.

AUGUSTINIANS said...

having a positive outlook in life is really something that everyone is trying to achieve... it is really hard to boost someone's confidence if the person itself is already trapped in the abyss of inferiority.

Nice post Dorothy! well said and explained.

Dorothy said...

Dorothy, I'm asking David to place your link and title of this post on our blog. This is so strong and true I have two important people in my life who have these issues and unless you live them you can't possibly know the terror they feel every day.

Thank you for how well this describes some of their emotions and feelings.

Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com

Wisata Ciamis said...

Posting and your blog is really cool, I love with all of you any posts. apologize if my English grammar is not too good.
Thank you for your visiting on my blog. your blog in a moment later will give a award.

Greetings from your friends.

Jane Jane said...

This is definitely a long but straightforward advice. Self-esteem is like a skill, you have to hone it to come out right whenever you need it. :)

Ann said...

I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face right now because I feel like you were talking about me. So many of the things you said describe me perfectly. I've always known that my self esteem was pretty low and I've tried to find distractions to keep me feeling better about myself but it never fails, I always end up screwing it up. Somehow, reading this made me feel a little less like I'm some sort of psycho.

PinkNote said...

I used to have low self esteem until I met a man who saw every bits of goodness in me and became aware of the beauty God had given me...=)

Steve said...

As a man who has been in such a relationship, I wanted to say that you did a great job describing what it is like from a mans point of view. Good post.

Rebecca @Freaky Frugalite said...

A really great post!

argun said...

hey.... i like your blog :-)

Shinade said...

Great advice Dorothy. I too as you well know am a survivor of some tremendous abuse throughout my life.

The abuse didn't stop until I met and married my current husband. However, I still deal with the effects everyday and I am now 52.

For instance, I finally woke up in the last couple of weeks and asked myself...where is me?

don't get me wrong, my husband is very loving and supportive. However, I think his support became a crutch for me.

So I have gotten up and I am trying my best to get myself back. I am still happily married and hope I always will be.

But, I must stop this total dependence on him and also learn how to stand on my own again.

Wow, there I have said it. It is out in the open. My husband offered me a blanket that would cover me up and protect me from the world. And I wrapped myself up in it so tightly that I almost got lost.

This new venture will be very difficult. However, it is the first time I have actually put myself out there on the line in years.

At 52 it's about time. Keep up the good work Dorothy. All of us out here need to be reminded that it is okay to come back to the real world and be independent!

Thanks for dropping and leaving such a lovely and supportive comment.

Happy week and big hugs!
Jackie

Melanie said...

Having a low self esteem happened to each and everyone of us..sometimes it will pass but with others it just stick there. If a person has serious self esteem, I think she has to have the will to do something about it before somebody could help her. Family, partner, friends are just there to help, but she has to help herself first before somebody else can. It is just like...you cannot love or value somebody unless you love or value yourself first.

Hope you have a great week Dorothy ! I always look forward to every post you make...it gives me knowledge, expand the horizon of my thoughts and understanding on things, and makes me think on issues that we seldom ponder.

Salute said...

Very interesting post and thanks for sharing.

emie said...

I was once a very reserved but sort of insecure kind of individual, i dont speak my mind nor share my thoughts because am scared that people might not like it, im more concern of what will people say and try to hide whats with in me. But surprisingly i overcome it, experience mold me of what i become right now. My husband is trying to reach me out teaching me to be more strong and let my mind open. Ur topic is amazing i could really relate to it. Thank u

ivan said...

i'm glad to read this nice article !^_^

RE said...

great...
nice article friend

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MommaWannabe said...

R=The quote above is a very good one...I do have low self esteem but I am working on it.

shengy said...

i'm just glad that I have a buddy who always help to be more optimist than pessimist

ShedLife said...

i can relate with this...sometimes i forgot my value...

marveling said...

Hi dorothy, your link was in this blog.. sorry for the confusion..

Take care..

argun said...

Dies ist sehr interessant .... nach der Tat sehr hilfreich ... ich hatte ein geringes Selbstwertgefühl, bevor ich mich drücken ... so einfach .... ich bin froh, dass Sorgerecht einklagen hat mir geholfen, mich auf mein Vertrauen zurück gewinnen ....
thank's you:)

Maricel said...

Nice way of putting them into words Dorothy, it's true that we should be with the person all the way and encourage them. Most of us have been in this dreadful low-esteem place and most have recovered, but some may have yet to be and this post is something that would definitely help them out.

Maricel --- Momhood Moments

dhana said...

I agree with you dorothy, however we have to solve and face every problems in our life positively...

Irfan Melodic - We Share A Universal Will Called Peace said...

Hi Mrs Dorothy, how are you doing? Well, it's been several days I don't blogwalking. Wish you're OK at all times.

Thank you

Best regards,

Irfan Melodic Nugroho
Melodramatic Mind

Facts on the Recent News

Anonymous said...

great advice here dorothy, our self esteem shut down maybe in a diffrent way but the bottom line here is that we have to look at it as a reminder from our self..good job dorothy...

Jarlin Paul said...

Wonderful advice, Dorothy.

Keep writing...

eden said...

another great post Dorothy, and very helpful indeed. I will surely share this post to a friend who has low self-esteem. This is very helpful to her. thanks for sharing.

coolingstar9 said...

Dorothy,
After reading this information post, I understand how to encourage those ladies with low esteen.
To discover their value and ascertain it and help them gain self-confidence.
I enjoy reading this post and it ready can help ladies in this stressful world.
Happy blogging and have the nice day.

askcherlock said...

I wonder sometimes if it is possible to put the abuse of our past away, to make a conscious choice to move forward with that in our tool chest and allow those issues to work for us, not against us?

Joemill said...

Another great post Dorothy! Great job! You're not only helping women but men as well. One's self-esteem is because of the environment and history. Once one acknowledges his/her low self-esteem, that's the start of a work in progress. :)

A Lil Enchanted said...

Hi Dorothy... I have to say that having had an abusive step-father (both to myself and my Mother)... and then later living in an abusive marriage for almost 13 years... it does change a person... and sometimes even though I'm no longer in that type of environment... the old issues and feelings can come creeping back in. I have to remind myself that I am strong... that I escaped... yes escaped... that situation... and I am much wiser for having been through it. Keep up the great work here!

A Lil Enchanted,
~LaShan~

P.S. You have a goody over on my blog!

Dorothy L said...

Dearest Cher...
It is very possible...one must realize that the abuse that they have experienced is not their fault and for whatever reason the abuse happened..the abuser is aware of what was done and is in his/her own way paying retribution. Maybe not to the victim but to someone. One also has to let it go and trust that a higher power has intervened long ago or you would not be here today. The past is just that. God does treat the pain & the shame like mail sent to the wrong address...and redirects it back to the sender even if we are unaware of it. In order to grow away from our bad memories and deal with triggers that may take us back there...we acknowledge that life was not so great at one point and let it go. The more we allow those memories and past thoughts lurk in our present mind..the longer they will stay and will for sure return. They are like weeds..they must be removed as fast as they turn up.
Live for today...not yesterday.
It is today that will create memories and experiences for tomorrow!
Cher...they have already been working for you...they taught you what you did not want for your children.

Huggzzzzz ~D~

askcherlock said...

Many, many hugz to you, my friend.

Hi! I'm Grace said...

Hi Dorothy, I'm here to drop EC. How was your weekend? :)

LinGZ said...

Hello thank you for your comment and your concern.
Keep going.

kumagcow said...

Thanks for the compliments on the photo, it was taken this weekend when I had a walk with friends. I'm tryin to be good at this new hobby (photography), so I thank you for your kind words! It really means a lot to me!

donna510 said...

Unconditional-love ...

burn said...

This is one of the best post I ever read. This is really helpful to all people out there.

Shinade aka Jackie said...

Did you ask me the question...do I look forward or backward?

If you did or not,my answer would be I look both ways.

I focus on now, dream and plan for the future, but, always keep an eye on my past to insure I don't keep repeating bad patterns!

Happy day D! I am headed to town!!
Jackie:-)

Nisha said...

A very well written post. Ive just read few paras and will be back later to read the whole post but i can tell you by the beginning that's it's very interesting.. Would also like to be added to your list if you don't mind. Just let me know and i'll add your blogs link to mine :-)

Hendra Lesmana said...

since my first visit here I've read almost all of your notes, hmm it makes me speachless, you're impressed n inspired me much Dorothy. The next big thing I think Im gonna be ur big fans ever :D

anyway I love the last two line of this post...

Irfan Melodic - No Chairs and Tables for Five Years of Study said...

Hi Mrs Dorothy, I love the new color of your blog. This looks more serious, and basically because I love "darkness."

Wish you have a great day always. Very nice greeting from Indonesia.

Best regards,

Irfan Melodic Nugroho
Melodramatic Mind

Facts on the Recent News

mommytaf said...

I am one of the women who suffers from low self esteem specially when I was still single. I never thought that I am capable of loving and be loved by others. But then, when hubby came and God blessed me with children, it helps me gain confidence little by little. True, All we need is unconditional love.

mommytaf said...

I am one of the women who suffers from low self esteem specially when I was still single. I never thought that I am capable of loving and be loved by others. But then, when hubby came and God blessed me with children, it helps me gain confidence little by little. True, All we need is unconditional love.

stagingworks2009 said...

Dorothy...relationship always appears complicated to deal with in this life. It contains 2 different soul which is unknown where it ends and lays on. Thanks for sharing this. From Home Staging Company

Debbie Racho said...

Great points in here! It's rewarding to visit your blog. I will add you in my blog roll...

Harry Nizam H. said...

Hi Dorothy,

Here I am again.
Thank you for the True or False question you left on my Shout Box.
I really like your blog, as I have said in my previous comment your blog is easy to access, good looking & contents as sharp as knives.
I'll be back

Bring Back Pluto said...

Dorothy,
You are right on. Before becoming involved in a relationship, it's important for each person to be whole and happy. However this often doesn't happen. Many women and men continue the patterns they learned as children in their adult relationships, and these can lead to unsatisfying or even abusive situations.
A supportive partner is key to helping people with self-esteem issues learn how to be more confident and happy with themselves.
Of course, the partner is often a big contributor to the problem.
Thanks for a thought provoking read.
Bring Back Pluto

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