He is so supportive as well, he encourages me to get a hobbie so I go to the gym and I am starting photography and he is helping me buy a camera. Since reading your article's I have been saying to myself I am unique strong and beautiful in every-way.
Will I ever just be happy being me?.
My reply went as follows:
Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts with me. You have taken a huge first step in just writing to me about your insecure feelings.These types of feelings are not fun and there is not one person on this earth that would not stop them if all it took was a simple thought. That is most certainly not to say it is impossible....however it takes real consistent self-talk and commitment in order to reset your thought boundaries.
You have mentioned that you have read my articles...have you listened to my audio articles...as they are a bit more personal and have proven to be very effective for many woman?
Here are a few suggestions and understandings to get you started. I can help support you and even help you simplify situations but the real work is going to be within who you are and how you feel about who you are.
When you feel fear in the thought that your partner may leave you for another woman...that fear is real. What you must start to do when that happens is not fight it...try acknowledging it to yourself or even better to your partner, if you still have open communication. By that I mean... telling him that the fear is beginning...separate your fear from your actual reality. As fear is not a reality ...it is however a real emotion that is very controlling and when it becomes confused as to when to react or when not to react.... it can cause us alot of frustration and misery. It will warp our sense of what is really happening to what our fear thinks is happening.
Also stop blaming yourself for how you feel... once you can simplify your fear and talk about it as it happens... you will be able to gain better control over it. Your feelings are real...it is the fact that you cannot control those feelings that needs to be reset.
Sounds simple right...well you already know that there is nothing simple when you are caught up on the fear roller coaster. That is why it takes consistent and repetitive self-talk. Eventually your mind will automatically derail those thoughts that create your fear which in turn reacts at the wrong times.
The main reason people feel insecure in their relationships aside from certain actual deceptions, is how they feel about and see themselves. If you do not value everything about yourself, even the little imperfections that we all have, then you are going to automatically look at others as being better than yourself and in many cases a more suitable match for your own partner.
Low self-confidence is a double edged sword. It not only destructs you as a person, it also destructs your ability to trust in another persons thoughts of you. This is when you begin to do your partners thinking...it is a one persons mind conversation. You begin to control the entire scenario and it will always be pointed at belittling yourself and/or accusing your partner of something that they have no clue of. That is what uncontrolled emotions do.
The next time a thought pops up ....chances are it will be the same thought that caused you misery once before ...immediately tell yourself that you have been here before and nothing good came of it...dissect what really is happening, and compare it to what you think is happening. Change how you handle it... even if you have to remove yourself for a few minutes to breathe away the anxiety that the fear will cause. This you will have to do everytime you feel the fear begin.
So from this reply onward... feel free to write me every time you find yourself falling into the
fear zone. I can help you to simplify and see your thoughts in a different way.
It is a good thing that you have such an understanding partner....now you should learn to be as understanding of yourself :)
Remember...you are you .... there is no other like you...own that thought and be proud of it~