Sunday, April 5, 2009

Where Is He Looking & What Is He Thinking?

Worries, Worries, and more worries. This seems to be the consensus of more and more women these days in regards to where their partners eyes are and what they are thinking. I deal with more emotional issues from women in regards to this issue than not.

Women all want to be the center of their partners attention. They also want to know exactly where he is looking and what he is thinking. But to what degree are we going to continue to imprison ourselves in the thought, where is he looking and what is he thinking?

For more on this here



Joemill said...

A big slap in our face! I'm a gent Dorothy. There's no point in trying to defend ourselves here(indeed it's true, that the majority of guys does it). I want you to know that I am on your side this time. It's just unfortunate that we're too indifferent to women's feelings, apathetic at that. We failed to notice that most women do worry about their men and are hurting. I am not the guy though that you so extremely describe here.

Nice post! I have to include you in my blogroll! Keep it up!

Chuchie Lopez-Wilks said...

Wow, this is a very, very good article. I admit I feel insecure everytime my husband look at other girls especially if the girls have something nice to flaunt..sometimes it even cause our fights. Like what you wrote here..i asked myself when am i going to imprison myself to that kind of husband is here with me, i can feel his love and care for me...what else i need? So far, we have passed that kind of situation. I focused on being a good wife to my husband...Thanks for sharing this..I read this with my husband

Trixie M. said...

wow.. This is a great post! yap, that's the reality dear some men no matter how beautiful the partner they can't help but to stare to the other women which is a very insulting gesture. Thank god my husband is not like that when were together he always make sure that i didn't catch him or else I will throw his computer in the sea.. hahaha

maria said...

Nice one Dorothy! I have a similar photo and it happened during my wedding. One of the guy guests were "all eyes" on one of my lady guest's cleavage.

IcyCucky said...

Wonderful and thoughtful post! I especially like what you wrote about the pornography! I've experienced first hand with this destructive behavior from an ex before...

askcherlock said...

Hi D, what a great post! There was a time some years ago when I changed my hair color four different times in one year because I thought it would make me more appealing to my partner. That was pathetic. I finally got to the place of self-acceptance and have my natural color. Oh, by the way, I changed partners and danced away with a man who stares at me when we are together. Some men are duds, not dudes.

askcherlock said...

Great post, D! There was a time years ago when I changed my hair color four times in one year so I would be more appealing to my partner. Pathetic. Now I keep my hair natural and finally got to a place of self-acceptance. BTW, I changed partners and danced away with a man who stares at me whether we are at home or out. Some men are duds, not dudes.

Joe Engressia said...

waw, that is great experience to read your post about her eyes.
so far i know, a man always see a sexy lady. hehehhe :). if she stare me too, i will go to her and will introduce my self. so that i get new friend. i want to get many friend so we can share our experience. ^_^
nice post DL

Jenera said...

My husband will on occasion look at another woman. Am I threatened by this? Or jealous? Absolutely not. I look at men every so often. If there is an attractive I may look at him. Not in a way where I want to have sex with him. It's like when you see a nice car, or beautiful home, or something else along those lines.

I trust my husband. I know that when he looks at another woman, he is not lusting after her or undressing her in his mind or anything like that.

On the flipside, I do know men who will look at other women and make comments to make their partners mad. It is their way to prey on her self esteem. But these women allow it to happen.

As women, we need to have more confidence in ourselves and our relationships.

winnie said...

Nice article Dorothy, my husband did it too, first I feel unsecure and sad. But now, i am ok. I know almost man do the same. they always love to see beautiful woman, so what i can do now, must be a attractive and beauty in his eyes, hope he only see and do nothing behind

jofelo said...

ya pornography is so addictive, but Im tring to get rid of it cause it damage morality and in fact it brings a negative effect to me . Thanks!

sexy legs and body said...

Hi Dorothy, I thought I would air my view, I am very happily married, my wife is everything I want in a woman, sexy, beautiful and my best friend. I however have to admit, when a sexy girl walks past, I do look, not stare mind you, just look. If she (my wife) notices the sexy girl fist, she will point her out to me! I must add, I love airplanes, will always look when one flies over me, but I have no desire what so ever to fly, the same goes for other woman, I will look, but have absolutely no desire to even so much as talk to them. What I can say is that my wife always looks her best, and I am always proud of her when ever we go somewhere.

tsunami said...

very cool post..thumbs up!!! coz it's really true...

Stanley's Blogging Site said...

Inspiring post...
See you at Tweeter.

Cris said...

Hmm, but not all the men are like that (I guessed...).
Funny pic by the way, keep up the good works!

Meryl (proud pinay) said...

hi dorothy,
this is a very nice post.
it's really rude if a man keeps on staring a woman. I had an experience last time, when my hubby and I attended the 60th birthday celebration of a friend here in US. There's this one guy on the b-day party who keeps on staring at me and I feel very the fact that I'm not wearing a sexy dress or an attire to flaunt any parts of my body (I just wore shirt and pants). When we arrived home my hubby told me that there's a guy who keep on staring at me who looks like a pervert! lol!

this is a very nice post dorothy! ^_^ thumbs up !

D Lo said...

I just wanted to say that every girl, matter the age should have a website like this to read. I wish I had found this site prior to all the drama I've put myself through emotionally. I would love to get some feedback from you about my blog page. I have also added myself as a follower


Sera Melinda said...

I might say this is my favorite post of yours.
I've been wondering about this matter these couple of days.
I'm married and keep thinking how and trying to look pretty in front of my husband. But everytime we pass a woman on a street, I always try to look at him whether he's looking at the woman or not. Oh, this is so frustrating, especially if she is (*I think) more beautiful.

Why do we women always want to look good in front of our men, but our men tend not to care so much about it, while they just enjoy being themselves, i mean they just eat all they want and become fatter, or they don't shave regularly....

You should discuss this topic on your forum, or have you?

Janice said...

A very powerful and true article - i love it very much. And yes, these are things that happen to most couples too. I really like your posts and is why I'm glad to have you in my blog roll - I like gettinng updates when you have new posts :)

Keep it up and take care! :)

Rita T. said...

You give a lot to think about here. I wish men didn't ogle women as much as they do, but the fact of the matter is that they do seem to have that bent. I know that a lot of women do the same with men.
Has it always been so?

Interesting post.

Blogger Rise said...

not all man do that..but most man did :D

Jarlin said...

Long post, but well written. Nicely articulated with powerful words...Keep writing.

Dorothy L said...

Hello..Sera are right. So many men will insult or complain about their partners bodies...but they neglect to look at their own reflection first.
Is it fair..absolutely not.
There are however some men that in reverse to that take better care of themselves than their partners do.
I would have to do an indepth survey to find out the statistics on that one. are considered visual creatures simply because they are wired very black and white. They look and they move on. They normally do not focus on a visual unless they have are very drawn in by what they see. Women are the ones with emotions, and hormones which makes us wired a bit more colorful. We tend to be the competitive ones when it comes to other women more so than men in general. That is due to the caveman days and I will address that in a post coming soon.
Women look and we immediately try and find fault so that we can rest our head that the visual is no threat. Again this does not mean that all men and women think this way. It is however the general consensus.

Have a very nice day!

ShantanuDas said...

bfr I comment ..let me draw your attention to also another defintion of love (re:ur other post.. ) I know you have seen my blog post on love.. [I have stopped writing such things now.. bcs when I write I fall mentally sick.. lol ) this post here is funny but perhaps apt too.. And hey hey! I did not mean that! What I meant I have replied under ur comment in my blog.. shucks.. I never thot I am poor at communcating my thoughts to others.. LOL.. sply when I am a CLEAR talker. .. and so will say this here on this post.. and hope u blv me.. you can take my answers as one more survey by you from a man ..

Bloody You ARRRE right!!

I do like to see women.. [but not all only that which attracts me.. u hv to grant me that choice ehh??] but I do not leer I do not watch.. seeing and watching? difference? Watching is more permanent..something continuous.. I do see..but move away my eyes. soon after that.. I notice.. I admire. I like.. I feel my heart spill over.. but i move away my eyes.. I do not want to see so I do not watch.. it is my natural tendency.. any man who says he does not see is either lying.. or is blind or is gay or lives in an island with no women around!

Women do attenuate this problem by taking care of themselves... and most women, I feel [as a man] and with due reason because I have met such women very much.. , like to be seen or watched but feels discomfort when the seeing turns into a stare a leery stare.. like someone undressing her mentally.. So these women do take care of themselves a lot (& make the Cosmetic & dress sellers richer) by working on their looks.. These are the women who KNOW they are good looking and worth looking at.. the others who are not so lucky will not do this.

I think at one place you meant husbands looking at other girls whie wives are with them and making them uneasy and bad.. Yes.. there is this problem.. but I am saved! My wife is the one which others look at! So even I see other women when I am with my wife.. she knows that there is no danger of comparison.. because to each her own beauty.. and she has hers.. and the proof? well other men are staring at her!..

LOL.. this on a lighter vein but I hv actually tried to tell you.. that in a marriage there has to be a certain level of understanding - one that makes both realise the other's strengths.. and so the matter of looks get relegated to the background.. if that happens then no other problems.. man can see other women.. and still his wife will not be unhappy.. because she will know he respects her for what she is.. after all let us be practical. there will always be someone prettier than you..!!

Porn and sex? well since you are American.. and I am an India.. I can say that even in India we do not put that much importance to sex being the proof of love.. [i am from the old school bcs of my age but despite some of [only some] today's youngsters being freerer and many having pre marital sex even in India.. we are still waayyy behind your COuntry.. and we will take a lot of time to equate sex with love.. our relationships can and do exist without sexual interaction also.. [not that the spouse is going anywhere else.. no ..]

Since yours is a long post ..err not just a long post but it is filled with LOTS of thoughts it is not possible to answer on each of them though my mind gave rise to many other responses.. [no time].. I will thus end with this...

Yeah.. I look. where ? well I look at the eyes .first.. rather the eyes draw me faster if they are HAVING that power [[not all have] .. You are a woman and that too not Indian (I would like to test a non-Indian woman on her perception here) so can u please go to this post of mine and tell me do you think the eyes shown can turn a man's heart into a flutter.. making him want to drown in the mysteries within? What do YOU feel? :-) [ just an experiment since you are discussing looks and how men get attracted.. I invite all other men here to have a look and be truthful..]

Coming back to the question on where I look... after the eyes.. my next priority is ... the face- shape of face [some shapes attract me.. that is all.].. figure in general.. maybe legs for some.. maybe in totality for some.. depends on the assets.. but breasts? nah.. not really UNLESS it is BEING shown to me! Sorry ladies.. if you wear a sexy dress I cannot help it!! I am a visual creature Dorothy is right! It is wired in our genes.. by God or whoever created us! And DO not say this shld stop.. if it stops then world will stop!!

But I will glance once only and then move away though as I do not leer...My brain will keep me from looking longer.. though my mind wil say hey look look again.. and I will feel miserable.. but still I will not look again.. wat to do! It is rude I know! and then what is the point really? looking does not help either! lol !

& I have this problem. if I look at breasts openly .. I forget sex.. !! I feel sweet inside.. cannot explain.. hmm...

But I hv something stronger to say on calling men VISUAL creatures.. I softly and politely object to this generalisation.. I have always been one to fall for any women who seems to have a mind.. how do I say this? Simple.. I have been in net since 1994.. in India.. and have since then met many online women [online only..not offline] and have never been the one to ask for their pictures.. most of them have not sent also.. and i have never talked on phone.. [never like to].. and have only exchanged chats mails msgs.. and through this NON-VISUAL EXCHANGE my stupid mind has many a time fallen in love with some.. ..[I blv I can love many at a time.. bcs I am not loving them only mentally.. admiring her mind] But the same doubts remained in their minds.. most of the times.. they could never really see that some men can ALSO BE NON-VISUAL..I feel women mostly do NOT believe men!

So ladies pls do not lose hope.. just open your minds..pls learn to believe your men or your going-to-be-your men or your-not-going-to-be-your-men-but-still-want-to-be-your-friend men ..

and you too will find men who can love you for your minds and not your bodies or faces!!

LIZZIE said...

Honestly, I am very lucky that my bf is the type that knows to control himself when he's already committed. I mean, I know he's had his "boys will be boys" time when he's single. But once he was already sure of his feelings and told me about it, he had been acting very differently.

Whenever he's out with me, he'd never look at another woman. Esp someone who wears something attractive or sexy. I mean, I can't say this for when he's by himself, but at least he makes the effort to make me feel secure and loved when we are together.

It's the same with me too. I can't deny that sometimes, there are guys out there that happened to look attractive. Maybe it's their cologne, or their clothes or the way they walk.. I mean, if I say my bf is the only good looking guy in the world than it's obvious that I'm lying. But I know that, when I'm with him (or when I'm not with him), I would not go looking at another guy either if he's attractive or not. It all comes down to your own choice. If you really love your partner, then why do u need to look at another? If u say your partner is enough for you, then prove it.

What I don't understand are some guy/girl who are already in a relationship (or married) and would still look at another person. This is a bad habit. Something as small as this could eventually turn into something as big as fights and then --- divorce.

We should learn to control ourselves. If not, then don't commit too soon and go enjoy till we drop first.

ShantanuDas said...

"What I don't understand are some guy/girl who are already in a relationship (or married) and would still look at another person. This is a bad habit. Something as small as this could eventually turn into something as big as fights and then --- divorce."

On the last comment :-)))

You are right on your bf not looking at other girls when he is with you and not commenting on what he does otherwise but trusting him is good. One got to trust But then sometime we men do look without looking... like when I drive my car I use 180 degree vision.. so when I am looking straight ahead I am also seeing right and left sides too without turning my head nor rotating my eyes.. it is a practice .. come to me from driving in crowded India..

But I wanted to say on the part quoted above.. I do not think such things should be a divorce issue.. "just looking at a man or a woman" --> it is never an issue in India- so I guess it is a matter of cultural & social backgrounds.. ..on what is important in a relationship and life..


Perspective Shift Chris said...

This was somewhat stereotypical, but I can agree with much of what was said. I do look from time to time but understanding those limits when you're out with your spouse is extremely important. Conversing, and excessive looking when your spouse isn't around just leads to temptation in the end as well.

Though, it's only natural to feel different urges (points to dopamine vs oxytocin, and men) having a lock on them and knowing when the line is crossed is what it comes down to. I also fully... FULLY agree with you about the different kinds of "fun" and places you go to when you're single, vs in a relationship.

I was in a position where my feelings were right on par with yours, but my girlfriend felt that it didn't matter as long as trust was there. Of course, my thoughts dwelled on the susceptibility and putting yourself in those situations to begin with. Eventually, after months of failed communication on the subject, both sides were fully understood.

I enjoyed this post, don't want to write a post in reply to it :P Keep up the good work!

ibdragon said...

At a recent wedding my wife and I attended the mother of the bride had gotten a new push up bra and a low cut mother of the bride dress. As she bent over to talk to the guests at the reception she looked remarkably good. When she finally got to me I couldn't help but ask if she was aware I was the first guy she had talked to that was looking her in the eye.

I personally love looking at beautiful sights whether they happen to be sunsets or low cut dresses and within reason I don't see where this is demeaning to either me, the vision I view or my spouse. On the other hand if I stare, drool or trip over my tongue I feel chastisement by both society and my spouse would be justified. As I age I am surprised to discover there are fewer boors (drooling, mentally deficient voyeurs) than I assumed.

Most men I know are not addicted to or comfortable at a strip joint. If a woman sees fit to display "more" than others are comfortable with, I make the assumption that she is doing so for some personal reason, not that she is a mindless entity easily influenced by Madison Ave. or Hollywood. I think we do a disservice to both sexes to ascribe demeaning stereotypes. Respect for others generally is based on self respect. If you respect yourself, most likely you will respect others and conversely. A very good, thought provoking and comment provoking post, Well Done!

Faiz Robbani said...

great post from dorothyl!!!

donna510 said...

great post D, to remain all women that they need to be proud of them self, and take a thought that our yard is greener than neighbours'.

Have a good pm D, wishing u all d best.