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Friday, August 8, 2008
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This article will not take up too much of your time, but will be very helpful in your daily life. What you are going to read is important in regards to the very controlling and confusing issue that so many women are challenged with every day, for some every single minute of their day. In this particular part of the jealousy series, you will learn what jealousy feels like and just how serious and captivating an emotion it can be. The next article will talk more about dealing with jealousy and how one can actually get control of it.
In the next few minutes you will learn what and how a woman feels when she is stuck in this very real and controlling jealous emotion.
It has been proven that many women are not even able to identify this confusion of thoughts that they are suffering from. A very big part of healing and winning these battles of jealousy is in identifying your enemy. In this situation the enemy is the jealous emotion that results from a much deeper issue that may or may not be obvious to its victim. You will hear more about that in a bit.
Through research and in speaking with many women every day through the womensselfesteem.com, jealousy seems to be a very big issue that has them in such a downward spiral that they cannot find a way to get hold of it.
One of the main causes for this negative emotion, "jealousy" stems from a time in a persons life when an emotional wound is created, which severely attacks their safe world or in other words their feelings of inner securities. These insecurities will seriously affect a woman’s self-esteem, which will in turn result in feelings of low self-worth, lack of a self-respect, and mistrust. These emotional wounds can be caused from several types of abuse or trauma such as, physical, psychological or an over-restrictive/dominated childhood. If a child is sexually abused, then that child's security is threatened through the fact that she trusted the abuser and almost always grows up feeling that they were at fault for the abuse. This also rings true in an adult life, especially if the victim truly trusts and sees her abuser as almost," God" like. When a child is psychologically abused, they usually live a life of demeaning name calling or belittling, again this does happen to adults in a trusting relationship. The over-restrictive or dominating upbringing begins at an early childhood and then follows through into adulthood. Each and every one of these abuses that you have just have just heard about are definite cuts that eventually turn into deep emotional wounds.
These wounds will send a person into a prison, a prison of fear and weakness that they will carry throughout their lives if they do not learn to identify them and deal with them and strengthen their inner self. So many women search for answers to solve this scrambled up problem that they can feel inside of themselves, always coming up with a 0. They tend to look outside of themselves and that is the mistake that they are making. So many jealousy issues come from within.
The human brain is set up of two minds, which allows two ways of thinking, one being positive and one being negative. Unfortunately if a person is somehow mistreated or loses a trust as you have heard about earlier through my thoughts, at any time in their lives, it tends to weaken their ability to maintain a balance between the two. This is when they will fall prey to certain triggers that will ignite the fuse that leads to jealousy. You may be wondering what triggers are, they can be anything from a memory of your past, a smell, a persons laughter, a picture, another women, a feeling of being left alone, or even a look from a partner. There are many different types of triggers that will set off negative emotions. In this series of articles you will learn about relationship triggers and how they set off your jealous emotions.
Negative relationship triggers are definite causes, which happen when a relationship fails due to mistrust issues caused by infidelities or pornography addictions by a present or past partner, and are left unresolved, which unfortunately will follow them into every relationship, if she does not stop and take hold of her issues.
Jealousy is not just a word that can be ignored or excused. It is a word to be feared because it is fear that creates this negative feeling. Have you ever noticed how jealousy changes your relationship from happy to devastate in just seconds? It will feel like something that you would not wish on your worst enemy.
The negative emotions that are hidden behind this word jealousy will tear your trust apart letter by letter, and rearrange it until it spells deception, betrayal, even hate. Theses words will turn you into a paranoid living creature, hiding from reality. Reality is truly jealousy’s enemy. It avoids its enemy as quickly as it replaces the positive thoughts that you once had in its place. It is strong enough to take control of your mind and direct it into thinking that someone you dearly trust and love has turned into another being, a being that is cheating on you, lusting for another, watching pornography behind your back, lying to you when you ask a direct question, twisting everything you say so that you come out looking like you are delirious and they will laugh at you when you cry out for help. It will tear your guts apart until you feel like you are going to vomit and it will make your head swirl with uncertainty. Jealousy can speed up your breathing quicker than a exercise machine, which in turn will send your heart racing into turmoil. It is a total body trauma. It can make your body break out into a sweat so fast that it will make rain look slow. If you have ever had even one minute of these threatening feelings, you know exactly what I am trying to explain here.
This negative emotion will make your mind fear abandonment, ones biggest fear in a relationship are to be replaced or abandoned. This fear alone is a very strong trigger of jealousy. This fear will imprison you and force you to suffocate or guard what’s yours, until that person can no longer be a victim to your jealousy. It will drive you to feel a deep need to control another’s thoughts and actions. To allow jealousy in your mind to the point of this kind of control, is to fall victim to an,” attachment prison” or an addiction. In this attachment prison you are the weaker element of the partnership or relationship, your need to feel attached will ruin your sense of security and your self-esteem. A very good example of an attachment prison is when you fear with all of your senses to let your partner out of your site, not even to go to the corner store or to work for fear he may see someone that you would deem as a total threat.
Jealousy is like a drug. Once it gets into your veins, you are no longer coherent or independent in your thinking. You have now just become a dependent thinker, dependent on jealousy and its power. To have such a need is also equivalent to an addict needing a drug. Your addiction is your jealousy, your high is the adrenalin that your body creates through its fears, only this is not positive adrenalin; it is a pure negative adrenalin rush. The only antidote to combat this addiction is through positive steps that will strengthen your ability to take back your control and find a freedom from that attachment prison.
Jealousy will not rest until through you, it has created a frustrating and unbearable environment that puts you in the position in your relationship as your own worst enemy. In effect you become the attacker that you have been trying to run from. You are now jealousy! You are the cause of this turmoil that is being thrown to your outside world; an outside world that cannot possibly feel your pain; nor can they help you escape it. But they will look down on you in their confusion. You are all alone in this prison. You are the only one that can feel this pain, the only one that feels this need to control and hide from the world. You will find yourself being driven by negative thoughts every turn you make.
Have you ever been on a negative thought rollercoaster? If you ever have, you will understand what I mean when I say negative thoughts; negative thoughts that will not let you think rationally. If anything, they will work very hard at confusing your positive thinking. You will spend countless hours talking to yourself trying to get out of insecure feelings and you will end up right back feeling the same negative control that jealousy has over you.
Jealousy will rob you of sleep hour after hour. When your mind cannot sleep, it becomes weak and that is exactly what strengthens the negative thoughts that will feed jealousy and keep it controlling you. These thoughts will turn over in your head until they are locked into a place of negative non realities. This is when you begin to believe in things which seem surreal. An example of this non reality is, let’s say, you’re walking past your partner as he is watching television. A commercial is on. There is a young scantily dressed woman on the commercial. Your immediate reaction is fear. You fear that at that very minute he is lusting her or worse, wishing you were her. As I said non- real negative thoughts = jealousy.
This negative emotion is extremely careful to not allow your self-esteem to strengthen. It will turn your thoughts into a comparison mode instantly when it feels threatened. When it can put your mind into doubt of it’s worth, it has total control. It will continue to control and force thoughts of being undeserving, not worthy, unintelligent, boring, self-less, non-appealing, even just plain ugly. It is a true negative powerful and destructive emotion that will not only control your thoughts but will also alter your desire to love. It will make you hide in safe, loveless corners and never allow another person into your heart. To allow a person into your heart would mean that you would be putting yourself at risk of falling victim to jealousy and all the horror that it creates and feeds on. So, you at this stage begin to set up protective walls, separating you from ever being hurt, but also putting a wedge in between you and your partner. Your choice, if you choose to stay in negative thinking, is to live a life alone.
When you have allowed it to weaken your thoughts to the point of delusional thinking, your mind will only see what will feed this negative emotion. All of your rational characteristics will be taken over by irrational thoughts and reactions. Everything that you thought you could control is now uncontrollable. Nothing is what it seems, while this jealousy emotion has you imprisoned behind its bars of negative and low self-worth thoughts.
I truly believe that being controlled by jealousy is similar to being in captivity. Your mind will get so conformed to that space that you’re allowing, that you will learn to depend on it. You will feel safe only in that space. All of your knowledge of what’s outside of that captive space has been hidden away into a very dark deep place in your mind. It is all you feel that you can control, not even realizing how little control you do have; again equivalent to an addiction.
What captivity and jealousy have in common is that once you allow your mind to be controlled or captivated by the overpowering emotion: jealousy, your mind will react as it would in a captive situation. Both jealousy and captivity hold your mind and reshape it to conform to its negative demands. A person in captivity eventually starts to depend on the person that’s holding them captive. You start to depend on the feelings that you’re getting from being captive by your jealous emotion. Jealousy becomes you, and you become jealousy. Together the duo team that you have allowed to control your thoughts will now destroy anything that is real. You will now live together in an unreal negative world of deception.
You will live and breathe the feelings of fear, worry and deception. You will not rest one single minute. Your mind will constantly be filled with disorder and accusations and,” what ifs”. At this point your ability to trust and feel secure with your partner will no longer be available to your mind, to your negative mind that is; the negative mind that you have allowed to take place of your once positive mind. Your innate desire to protect you and your reason for being are now at risk in your mind. You need to control everything and everything about your partner, right down to his every move. You need to take ownership in order to feel safe. With this control, then and only then can you feel safe from jealousy? Again the,” attachment prison” takes over. This prison created by jealousy to keep you in its power and control. You’re first breathing thoughts are livelihood and your future are based on attachment and acceptance. To lose that would be like dying a very slow death. Under the control of jealousy and its attachment prison you will fight to survive at any cost. You will be on guard even in your sleep, to notice even the simplest sign of abandonment or loss. Hence, the sleepless nights, haunted by the enemy: jealousy, captivated by the attachment prison again.
This is what you already know of jealousy. It is not fun. It is not a happy place. It is however very destructive and it will destroy your life if you continue to allow it to control your thoughts. As I mentioned earlier in this article, your mind has two sides, one being negative and one being positive. You have the ability to choose.
I have brought this part of the jealousy series to you because of how important it is to identify with the truth of jealousy. It is as real as you are sitting there listening to this. There is a way out and a way to free your mind of this prison of negative thoughts. Through my next article on “The Truth of Jealousy”, you will learn steps and strategies that will help to strengthen your mind so that you may win the battle of negative thinking.