Commitment is not a piece of cake~

We all want to be in a relationship at one point in our lives, but do we ever really stop and think about the true meaning of the responsibility of committing to a relationship?

Do we commit to a relationship like we commit to a piece of cake? (Silly analogy,  but effective)

As in, taking some time to think whether either is going to be distasteful once we commit.

Can you imagine how much serious pain and agony could have been avoided over the years if people would just take commitment more seriously and realize it is not just simply quenching a craving or a thirst?

Instinctively, we all want to be in a relationship, but again do we really understand the meanings behind the commitment?

Being of the human species, tends to set us up to be driven in a direction by our feelings, which in turn makes the matters of our heart weigh heavily on our decision making.

Hence the failure of relationships over and over again. 

We tend to commit for many of the wrong reasons or no reason at all. 

Once the reality of those flighty decisions begins to hold us accountable, all of a sudden the relationship is not so much fun anymore. All of a sudden we are looking for distractions or deflections from that reality. The reasons that blinded us in the beginning are now no longer recognizable. 

Are we mature or even educated enough to be aware of the importance of understanding what a relationship entails?

Maturity, education and/or experience are very instrumental in being able to not only commit to a relationship, but also to continue strengthening it as it grows.

Realistically..committing to a relationship is a very serious decision, one that should not ever be made out of lust, without serious thought, but mostly never taken lightly.

Commitment should never be taken lightly as it is proof of ones character and their ability to respect another.

Dorothyl

Being Trapped in a Thought~

Do you know what it is like being Trapped in a thought ?

Escape is not an option.

What was a simple drip in your pool of thoughts, quickly turned into an ocean of tidal waves rolling into each other, over and over again. This is what it feels like to not have positive control over your mind.

Our minds often repeat hurtful thoughts or scenarios over and over, even when we'd much rather let them go. If you start really listening to your inner voice, you are probably dwelling on the past, remembering how someone may have let you down or how much anger you still hold back from being hurt. If you fear the challenges that are waiting for you or you are ashamed at where you are now in your life as compared to where you had planned on being, these fears will definitely be in line to play the mind game on you. All of these insecure or hurtful emotions that you once tucked away will come back to play when the game begins. The problem is, when they come back, you will not recognize them and this will be your first bad move. Now the mind game begins.

The game is of the mind, to confuse you in your thought process. When your mind is triggered even slightly by a word, a picture, or even a look what we want to do is to think positive, nice, sweet and safe thoughts. If you have the slightest opening in your mind the game will begin. It will take a thought and wait for your first emotional weakness. Then it will twist that thought and magnify it so that it feeds on that weakness and sends you into that ugly world of negative thinking.

You would give anything to shake off these negative thoughts, but we all know so well that it's easier said than done. Instead you struggle through your day feeling like you are a freak and that if you do not get a grip on this mind game and soon you will explode. All that you want is to be free of negative thoughts and be happy all the time.

You spend a lot of time thinking over negative feelings and sulking over regrets and misfortunes. The worst part is that the more you try to end this horrible game that twists your brain so tight, the worse it gets. You will try to avoid your hidden shames and worries or drown them with alcohol or drugs. All that happens when that little fix-it ends is that the mind game becomes stronger.

New thoughts continue, the game attacks again only to turn those thoughts against you. You can feel them escalate into negative scenarios in your mind, but at this point powerless. The power of the game is winning and you are now in the believing stage of the game. Your mind now believes your negative thoughts. You are forced to react and through this reaction the mind game soars and takes over even further. Now it not only controls you but it has also taken control of your entire world and whoever is in it at the time. You collapse from the draining feeling of failure once again. You feel that you will never be able to win this mind game. You feel that you will be a pawn for the rest of your days on earth. A doormat and a bug to stepped on over and over again because of your inability to gain strength and take control of your positive mind. So why not just give in? Why not just bow down whenever you fail to think positive thoughts? Well, I will tell you why you do not want to do that!

You are a human being with a heart and a brain. You were given the ability to feel emotions. Emotions such as: self-respect, self-esteem, humor, love, laughter, sexuality, self-confidence but most of all you were given intelligence and the will to survive. You were given the gift of life. Those are the reasons to fight. How to fight is also right there in front of you.

You are already aware of the mind game. Most of you have played it so long that you should be the champions by now. I have talked about habits many times and I will keep talking about them. Through habits you can defeat many of those mind games. Try to simplify your thoughts. The stronger the game tries to twist them the harder you work to shrink them.

I read about an interesting way to look at this. Think of your thoughts as a pop-up ad on your computer. You see it and then you don`t. Or it pops up and you simply delete it without giving it a second thought. Even if it was a negative pop-up you spend no time at all analyzing where it came from, you simply carry on with what you were doing. This is a good way to play, and win the game. Also another way to play and win is when your thought begins to twist through the negative game, start to vocalize it. Sing it quietly to yourself or hum outloud. This will confuse the game, and throw it off track. Immediately when you get a thought that seems to be fair game think of something very funny or a very sad movie that made you cry. A very good habit is to change your thought track. The game cannot keep up when the track is jumped. Be aware that your mind is a game field but you have to play it in order to win. If you do not play you will lose by defeat. SAD!!!

So my words to you is this : KICK IT`S BUTT

DorothyLaf@gmail.com

Valentines Truism

Valentine's Day is around the corner and I am going to share with you a little bit about this special day through my thoughts and also on how it was originally intended for the pleasure of the male as per the findings through folklore and historical facts. Here is a bit about what history has depicted as to how Valentine's Day began.

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What type of partner are you?

Relationships are made up of two people. Two people with very unique characteristics and different minds. Whether these qualities are genetically inherited or through learned behavior, matters not, as they are the characteristics that make us who we are right now.

Today we have many same sex relationships so I am not going to even speak of any gender specifics within these thoughts.

Giving that, a relationship consists of two minds, which in most cases have to work fairly hard at being compatible and finding some sort of happiness balance...the type of partner you are is vital to the success of your relationship.

There are so many different types of partners...which one are you?

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Moms...

Moms....

Mom's are caring

Mom's are direction

Mom's are our mentors

Mom's laugh because they love

Mom's know without being told

Mom's hear without even listening

Mom's cry in the quiet of their hearts

Mom's sigh without loosing their smile

Mom's do not always say, but they certainly always see

Mom's very being is the opening to our doorway to life

Mom's feel us even when we do not feel ourselves

Mom's even at their worse are still our mom's

Mom's are the true meaning of unconditional

Mom's are angels without wings

Mom's are why Dad's exist

Mom's are daughters too

Mom's are always there
 Mom's just are

~~

~Mom's die and for this reason....

 we, the children should never take our Mom's for granted...not even one time~

~This is my collection of thoughts.. ..please feel free to add a few of your own to this list~

~HAPPY MOTHERS DAY .....to all of you beautiful Mom's~


~~

~D~

~Connection~

One of the most beautiful qualities of a true relationship between couples is...

 to understand and to be understood.

To be understood is by far one of the most important links responsible for joining two hearts and two minds together.

This link can only be reached through a mutual connection, one that is completely separate from the normal everyday passing-bye type of connection.

People connect all of the time, however it is when that connection cannot be broken or distracted that it becomes meaningful and almost impossible to resist. At that point, it begins the emotional oneness that gives birth to the feelings of wanting even longing for another. This type of connection between two people has been known to be life changing in so many respects. 

It is not uncommon to hear of or even know of two people that have left past lives because of the innate drive that connecting with another person can cause. It can even be described as relentless in its ability to control ones mind in order to complete that connection. 

To be understood and to understand another is what love stories are made of. No matter what challenges a couple may endure throughout their day, in the end it is all about understanding each other.

Dorothyl

~Couples & their differences~

We are all individuals and even the worlds happiest couples, do not share the same character. They simply share an amazing awareness and understanding of each others differences. 

In choosing this way of thinking, they do not allow their differences to become, for lack of a better term, ' a ping-pong ball'  between them. 

As a couple, they can accept that they are individuals and that their differences are part and parcel of that fact.

Accepting each others differences does not mean that you will bow down to each others way of thinking, just that you respect your own differences and in-turn your partners as well.

Just because one does not agree with another, does not make either one right or wrong. It just means that they each have their own way of thinking and interpreting things.

In accepting your partner for who he/she is, will allow you to accept and understand each other as individuals. 

A successful relationship is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. 

It is however, when an imperfect couple learns to accept and enjoy their differences.

~Dorothyl~

I didn't change... you just never knew me~

The Meet...

The Attraction...

The Infatuation...

The Lust...

The Courtship...

The Relationship begins...

He seems perfect...

She seems perfect...

Partners both begin with clean slates.

I have written, several times about finding that someone who is perfect for you throughout my past articles,  because it is one of the most important realizations to have when choosing a partner.

It is no secret in that,  when one meets someone new and exciting, one tends to see through blinders. Those blinders are what will undoubtedly blur ones vision, which in turn will totally confuse ones judgement as to who that person really is. This also being interpreted as, 'We only see, what or whom , we want to see, or what I deem as,  'the stage of masks'.

Fact, you want to be on your best behavior in the beginning of any new relationship and yes, the new feeling of attraction is so perfect that you do not want to chance loosing it by being your, 'real selves'. Your subconscious tends to play hide and seek with what you choose to accept in this new person.

At this point, it is vital to realize whether he or she is perfect for you because you want to see them that way or because they are actually perfect for you.

'Patience is a virtue' a proverbial phrase that speaks volumes in just 4 words. These words are the pillars in which the foundation of your new relationship should be built on.

By taking your time in getting to know this new person you have allowed into your life, and by allowing the relationship to evolve and grow naturally, you will not find yourself trapped in the stages of, "I didn't change, you just never knew me".

I have yet to read anywhere that there is any time constraint on committing to a new relationship... by knowing thyself, then and only then will you truly be able understand the importance of knowing that new person in your life.

 ~ Time is not of the essence when getting to know that new someone, patience is~

DorothyL

Being single in a relationship~

In a relationship one of the first mistakes people make, is in depending on the other to an unrealistic extreme. People repeatedly wonder where they went wrong once they realize, that they fear the loss of their partner only because of the fear of being alone, and/or when they lost their ability to be independent of another. Unless you were born a twin, or were forced to be very dependent on someone throughout your life, being alone is one of the most natural ways of being. A relationship should not be about surviving on your partners air that they breathe. It should however be about allowing that person to breathe along with you in your space, vice-verse.
We can be single in a relationship, single in the sense of continuing to be you. I am not talking about being selfish when I speak of being single, I am talking about being your own person first.  Being single in a relationship, is also the sense of knowing full well that even if there are days, months, even a lifetime that you will not be able to spend with that certain someone, that you will survive and be happy within yourself. This is not to say that, people do not miss a partner that they have lost, or the happiness that they have shared. Being single in a relationship means being dependent on you because at the end of the day... it is only you in reality.
People tend to depend on their partners to make them happy, and/or to make their day a good day. This is another mistake made over and over again in relationships. It is utterly impossible for one person to make another happy unless that person wants to be happy first. A single minded person chooses to be happy before they expect another to make them happy. A single minded person can sleep in a separate bedroom and not feel in any way, that it will  make or break their relationship. When we are new to a relationship, we genuinely loose ourselves in our partners. This is a time when we must be very aware of how easily we can loose our independence. Our independence gives us a certain strength which is vital to our ability to continue to grow in a healthy and balanced direction, which in turn creates a healthy and happy partner. I have met many people that seem to think they need to constantly be around others, which for many of those, that same need has played havoc on their relationships. In not realizing that it is because they do not think independently or choose to not think independently, they have allowed that fear of being alone to control them. Our thoughts do very much control our destiny.

 A relationship can only be successful when the partners involved are there out of true commitment and choice and not out of a dependency on the other. 

DorothyL

To ME..You are perfect~

To ME ...you are PERFECT~... words that most people love to hear. These are words that most partners not only wait to hear, but also tend to gauge their confidence level by. In saying that... for all of you partners out there that feel that they are at loss for words...here they are. Telling someone that they are perfect for you, means more to them than a box of candy or flowers.

These are what we deem as words with a thousand meanings. You are not just complimenting your partner, you are in-fact telling your partner in no uncertain terms that he/she is exactly what you want and who you would like to share your life with. In those few words, you are accepting them as they are, right there in front of you. On another note...these are the words that set you apart from any movie star.... because, they are real~

These words will more than not, take a relationship to a new and deeper level for many. I feel that the only other thing that can truly make a person feel good coming from another, is a smile.

As in any words to another person, it is vital to their trust in you, that you do not say them unless you mean them. The, saying that, 'actions speak louder than words', is totally overridden when it comes to these words in my mind.. as long as they are said with, sincerity and truth.

As human beings we are born with an innate need to better ourselves. We work very hard at pleasing someone, at one time or another along our journeys through life. Telling someone that they are perfect for you, is placing them on a unique and special plateau where only the two of you exist. This feeling of belonging is one of the most important and self-nourishing feelings we can experience from another. It really does not take a lot to make your partner feel good.. in saying these words, you cannot go wrong. It is one of the right steps towards a happy and healthy relationship.

After all....Is that not what we all strive for and dream of..?

DorothyL

Happiness depends upon ourselves~

~All the Best Wishes and Success in 2012 to everyone~

A small reminder from me to you...

Change and improvements to your life can only happen if you not only want, but allow them to.

The responsibility is all yours...the choice is yours,

so why not choose the direction that will allow you to continue your journey forward~

~From Womensselfesteem.Com to You & Yours~

A cry for help~

Relationships can bring out many insecurities that we have either managed to avoid or that we just have never had to deal with before. One of those insecurites that I seem to address more and more in my thoughts is jealousy. Below you will read a letter sent to me by a women who has seriously reached a desperate point in her relationship, hence why she wrote a complete stranger with her cry for help.

She wrote......

***************

I am writting this as I am driving myself and my partner insane with my Jealousy. My Partner gives me no reason to think he is a womenizer or does he check females out of the internet or anything like that, its just me my self esteem is so low I compare myself to every walking female and if he dares to say "oh that girl has unusual eyes" thats it my head just goes, I start to think well he says my eyes are amazing maybe he likes hers better. We go out for dinner and straight away im checking other girls out in the restaraunt, and making sure he dosent notice them. He has a few female friends on facebook and I have finally come to terms that they are just old school friends and as he tells me constantly it is just fb and dosent mean anything, I still deep down panic and think he's gonna meet up with one of them and end up falling in love with them, My partner adores me he tells me im sexy and that I just do it for him in every way physically and mentally, but still my god dam head is driving me insane, I keep alot of these horrible thought inside but sometimes well most of the time he can tell something is bothering me just by the look on my face. This is really affecting us and I hate being like this as I know its not normal and I try to tell myself to stop but it just overtakes I know im a good looking women, I have a bubbly personality and yeah I can walk into a room and turn heads and my partner has told me how he is proud to walk beside me so why the hell do I do this, its like this little voice is just cant get rid of. I have this fear that he is going to find something better, someone better is going to come along.

He is so supportive as well, he encourages me to get a hobbie so I go to the gym and I am starting photography and he is helping me buy a camera. Since reading your article's I have been saying to myself I am unique strong and beautiful in every-way.
Will I ever just be happy being me?.

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Fat and Beautiful

~Womensselfesteem.com's Relationship Blog~..
.. brings you a rare guest post~

The author of this post goes by the name of Unikorna. She brings Unique content to her readers through her blog, ' Why I Wake up Every Day'. This article in-particular caught my eye as so many of today's issues for women are connected to whether or not size matters. And no...I am not referring to men here...I am referring to how women today feel about their bodies. Many women battle this concern especially when they are in a relationship. As we are all aware of, once we have a partner, we will without a doubt eventually be sharing our most intimate thoughts and unclothed bodies. The issue of a womens body size does eventually begin to be an issue. Women begin to want the lights off more and more and/or even tend to wear clothing to bed. Once again, I point the finger at the media's idealism of the perfect body type. A message to both men and women... choose the partner that you love and that most suits who you are. Body size should only matter when it becomes a health issue. If you are a true loving partner, then your first responsibility to your relationship is to take care of yourself in body and mind.

~The photos in this article are not meant to offend anyone, they are merely meant to show the beauty in the natural curves of a woman ~

~Below are thoughts by Unikorna~

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PORNOGRAPHY...should I or shouldn't I?

Ahhh yes... the game of porn..the topic that has raised more that just ones sexual desires. Not only has it been known to be fuel for many addictive personalities, it has been known to play devils advocate between many partners throughout the years. Pornography has been around since the early 1900's and will be around for a long time as will any other of mans prosperous inventions. Pornography is not about romance, nor is it just about 2 adult people having sex...it is raw, it warps ones realities,  it involves multiple numbers of people, including children and even animals. It will captivate and imprison many viewers that have the slightest addictive characteristic. There are no limits to what people will do to make money and pornography is a clear sign of that. It most definitely shows the level of weakness that a human-being can be brought down to. How can anyone say that pornography is a good thing?

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Lost Feelings....now what?

Have you ever found yourself lost in a relationship of confusion, as if you were speaking a completely foreign language to your partner, vice-verse?

Have you ever found, that you could not seem to find the right way back?

Back to when you understood and were understood, in every thing that you would say or do.

Back to where it was easy and natural to be in the relationship like waters that trickling down stream.

Have you ever found while making love with your partner that something just is not quite right, as in the click is not clicking for some unknown reason? His smell has changed, his touches have less impact on your intimate-self, you just cannot stay within the moment anymore...something is just not right~

All of these feelings of being lost or off in a relationship do and will happen at one time or another. It is what I call the warnings of 'negative complacency', resulting in the 'wallflower syndrome'.

Some would say that these feelings of being lost are the first steps to the end of the relationship and they may very well be. However, if they are detected early enough and dealt with between both partners, the end will not so easily be invited.
It will take the efforts of both partners to find reason for the lost feelings. One partner cannot do this alone.

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Is he perfect?

~He isn't perfect...oh darn~ 

Each gender shares the same misconceptions when seeking out a partner....he/she must be perfect~

Funny how we as human beings secretly and even subconsciously seek that perfect partner. What trips us up in this desire is that the partner we are seeking is not actually a perfect species in themselves, but that they are a perfect species for us~ 

Speaking for women...I feel that we have our own innate desires and needs when searching for our partners. However, if we can keep in mind a few very valuable thoughts...we will not fail in finding him.

First and foremost,  realize that ..he is not perfect.... neither are you, nor will the two of you ever be perfect.

However if...he can make you laugh at least once, cause you to think twice, admit to being human and apologizes freely, then hang onto him and give him all of you that you can. 

He may not quote poetry, bring you flowers each day, he may not think about you every second, but he will give you one of the most delicate parts of himself, all knowing that you could easily break it...that being his heart~

Your goals will be in not hurting him, analyzing him, changing him, or expecting more of him than he can give. They will be in,  giving him a smile when he makes you happy, yelling at him when he makes you mad and letting him know that you miss him when he is not there. Also.. love him deep when he is in need, hug him with all of your strength and listen when he needs to speak. Most of all remember this...no man is perfect, but there is a man that is perfect for you. 

Simply put....one cannot be perfect alone~

~D~

If only you could...

This is pretty much what one could consider as being signs of  true commitment and complete awareness. To have a partner that can understand us for who we are and why we are, is what we all seek in a relationship. Once the initial newness of a relationship wears off, we are the left to deal with the real deal or the real person, this is when the relationship really begins and the reality of what commitment is really starts to sink in.
To have a partner that delivers true unconditional love through consistent actions such as the ones above in the poster is what commitment is all about. Keeping in mind that commitment is not a one way street...it must come from both partners so as to join together in a healthy balance.
Commitment is untimely, it does not fade away or step aside...if anything it gets stronger and more prominent with time. A partner that loses interest in his/her partner will not be able to show commitment through actions, they may acknowledge it through words when questioned or forced...proving that once again actions speak louder and much more genuinely than words.

It is imperative to remember to treat your partner as you wish to be treated. It is also imperative to not expect your partner to be who you want them to be, but to accept them for who they want to be and are.
When expecting to be treated special or with exception...be aware that you in-turn are also offering/giving the same.  As a human being,  we love to mimic..we mimic without even realizing we are doing so.... in that we smile, when smiled at...we frown, when frowned at... we hug, when we get hugged... when we are complimented,  we compliment back..ect. Practising what you preach is yet another way to maintain a healthy balance in a relationship
So many questions why of relationships fail are asked over and over..I believe that one of the main reasons that contribute to a failed relationship is because the balance of commitment is off.

~Keeping a balance between giving what you expect to get... is key in finding that someone~

~D~

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL~

Apologize....

Relationship Truisms

• you cannot make someone love you, you can however be someone who can be loved. The choice is then theirs.
• no matter how much you may want a relationship with someone, that someone just may not want a relationship with you.
• it can  take years of invested time to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
• it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that matters.
• be aware that one wrong decision takes a split second to make, which will give you a life of heartache.
• no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides to every relationship.
• you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be your last word..
• you are responsible for your own actions, no matter what causes them.
• there are people who love deeply, they just don't know how to show it...be patient, if you teach them lovingly, they will learn in turn.
• true friendship can continue to grow, through absence and distance as can a true love...where there is a will, there is most definitely a way.
• just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you  the way they want to.
• no matter how good a partner is, they will falter you at some point and that is when you must learn to forgive through your love.
• the world does not stop and wait for the sufferings of a broken heart, and neither should you.
• just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, on the other hand,  just because they don't argue,  doesn't mean they do.
• we don't have to change our  partner as long as we can understand that our partner does change.
• beware of negative thinking...as it can become a devils advocate in your relationship.
• how you understand who you are will help you to understand who your partner is.
• although the word "love" is ever so endearing, it can lose it`s value when said without thought or meaning..
• love is not for one to keep, it is however,  to be to passed on, to stay alive.
• just because you are having a bad day...does not mean that your partner has to have one also.
• pretending to be someone you are not can be very tiring, why not save your energy for those who accept you for who you are.
• is it that, you never know what you have until you loose it  or is it that,  you know what you have and just never think your going to loose it...?
• you can not go wrong with a smile or a hug, just as a simple, how are you...invites friendship.

~D~